Monday, December 22, 2008

Skindecent Elite Massage Candle

Knowing my penchant for peppermint, a very dear friend with a serious fetish for bath products gave me this Skindecent Elite Massage Candle to review. While not a "sex toy" per se, it is definitely a sensory indulgence.

A massage candle, you say? Does not compute. We're not talking about wax play here. We're talking about touch, about massage. While there is beeswax in this candle, it also contains soy oil and shea butter -- both of which are wonderful emollients. I thought the wax would leave a heavy film on my skin, but it really didn't. Yes, I could tell there was a thin layer there, but it just seemed to lock in the softness -- which is a definitely plus during the chapped skin season.

My candle was scented with peppermint/spearmint essential oils. When ordering, however, you can specify the desired fragrance. There are hundreds from which to choose. You can smell like a flower or like a decadent dessert or like a designer perfume. Personally, I prefer to smell like something edible.

Simply light the candle, and when it softens, scoop a little into your palm and rub on the body part in need of relaxation. (Note: I'm very sensitized to oils like peppermint and cinnamon. It you're not, do not put this on delicate tissue -- like labia. I don't recommend its use internally at all. This is NOT a lubricant for anything other than external massage.)

It felt absolutely divine while being rubbed into my skin. My masseuse said that he felt it went from too-hot liquid to too-solid too quickly, but I sure didn't notice that. The heat of the melted wax & oils worked a long day's stress from my back, and the tingle-chill of the mints provided a delicious contrast. The scent cleared my head, and I was blissfully off to sleep.

I feared the residue would leave a greasy stain on the sheets, but there was no evidence of such in the morning. My back, however, still felt wonderfully smooth and soft. Being the skin slut that I am, I'll definitely be checking out Skindecent's other products.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Dynamic Duo

Dynamic DuoA Toys for Tarts guest review:

From the first sight, I knew this wasn’t just an ordinary bullet duo. It’s cool green clear plastic controller with the two silver bullets has one thinking “alien probes” and all the fun those thoughts inspire. Loading up the toy with batteries, I dialed on the controller and the bullet leaped to command, a fun powerful vibration which had it dancing across my hand, bed and my partner’s chest. It sent a shiver of excitement through me as my partner dangled the bullet by the cord and watched it dance around my nipples. He then had the other sliding down to my pussy and had me squirming all over from the powerful vibrations. With one in my pussy and one swirling around my nipples, I was soon moaning in pleasure. The controller goes from a powerful vibe to a clit numbing sensation. The dial controls don’t give you a pulse option but the power is there to stimulate. This isn't a device you can use to wear to the office because the buzzing could have someone wondering what is happening.

~ One Lusty Wench

Here's what Babeland has to say about the Dynamic Duo:

Fighting with your partner over who gets to go first? Can’t decide whether you like a throbbing pulse or a rapid buzz? The Dynamic Duo swoops in and saves the day: separate variable-speed control dials mean you can tickle two erogenous zones at the same time, thrill to two different levels of sensation, or get off at the same time as your partner. And separate jacks mean the 37-1/2” cords stretch further, making it even easier to hit just the right spots.

  • Size: Bullet: 2-1/4” x 1” controller: 3” x 5”
  • Material: Silver plastic
  • Batteries: Four AA

Friday, December 12, 2008

Butterfly Blogging

Babeland Affiliate for Butterfly TemptressSeveral sex toy vendors are picking up the fundraising ball dropped by EdenFantasys and sponsoring benefits of some sort for Butterfly Temptress, who is battling cervical cancer. One of our absolute favorite stores, Babeland, is on board in a big way.

Toys for Tarts is one of several review sites that has agreed to donate its December Babeland affiliate revenues to the Butterfly Temptress to help defray her medical expenses. So, please do your holiday toy shopping through our links or the links of the other participants!

In addition, on January 1st, Toys for Tarts will have a drawing for the winner's choice of one of the following Babeland products:
  • Elastomer Rabbit Habit Vibrator
    A new edition of the Vibratex Rabbit vibrator that was made famous on Sex and the City!
    We’re thrilled to be able to offer this latex-free edition of Vibratex’s famous Rabbit Habit vibrator. Functionally similar to the original Rabbit Habit, this model is sheathed in 100% premium Elastomer, a high-quality material that is both latex and phthalate free but still incredibly soft. The vibrating bunny portion of this model's updated design is angled closer to the shaft for more direct clit contact, and the famous pearls have been redesigned to rotate more consistently than the tumbling pearls of the original. While the glittery lavender shaft twirls for G-spot stimulation, the rabbit ears flutter along the clitoris and the "pearls" stimulate the sensitive opening of the vagina. Separate variable speed controls power each of the two components. The elastomer version of the classic Rabbit Habit is one of the Babeland All Stars!

  • Pink Kink Kit
    Bondage beginner? You’ll find sugar and spice and everything naughty in our super-sexy, non-intimidating Pink Kink Kit, making bondage affordable, fashionable and very appealing. An innocent pink mesh bag holds a heart-emblazoned, comfortable leather blindfold, an adorable pink leather 11” whip with a teasing sting, and a snap-to-fit leather collar that reads SEXY (as if it weren’t obvious!). The blindfold is held in place with a comfortable, adjustable elastic band, and the whip includes a D-ring so you can dangle it anywhere. Pink and White leather. Comes in a reusable see-through gift bag.

  • I Rub My Ducky
    Why won't Ernie get out of the bath? He's got the I Rub My Duckie vibrator! This floating friend's got more than just sweet blue eyes and an irresistible smile. Give Duckie a squeeze and suddenly you've got a vibrating pleasure pal who makes bath time lots more fun. Round head, pointed tail and nubby beak offer a variety of contact textures to choose from. Waterproof Duckie's vibrations are nearly silent, too, so he's discreet as he is adorable. Made of latex-free and phthalate-free PVC. Now has three modes of vibration!
To enter, simply make any purchase from Babeland between now & December 31, 2008 (midnight ET) and forward a copy of your order confirmation email to toys-for-tarts [at] eroticanthology [dot] com -- OR -- write a review (500 words minimum) of any Babeland product to be posted here on the Toys for Tarts blog & email it to toys-for-tarts [at] eroticanthology [dot] com.

peace & passion ... and Happy Holidays to y'all from the Toys for Tarts review team!

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Man's Ruin

Man's Ruin DVDWhen I ordered this DVD, I expected something different, and I sure as hell got it. This has to be the strangest porn flick I've ever seen. The title makes no sense whatsoever, since no one but the damsel in unconvincing distress is facing ruin -- lest you count all our immortal porn-consuming souls, I suppose.

Does it have a plot? Well, yeah. The protagonist -- played by Melodie Gore -- is sucked into a video game where she must rescue Go-Go from sexual torture (a la fucking machine wielded by a muttering dominatrix with a riding crop and a shock wand). In the process, she travels through five game venues featuring different sexual scenarios: a M/F medical-shaving-foot fetish scene with a semen-collecting squid (I kid you not); a disturbingly vanilla M/F tryst in "Satan's" lair; a F/F and F/F/F scene in a 70s nightclub that proved to be the most titillating (no pun intended) of the five, perhaps because it left the smeared lipstick & mascara "ravaged" look of the prior two scenes behind; an utterly forgettable M/F fuck that started out interestingly enough (with the woman in bridle and prancing like a pony) and ended with the typical cum-on-the-tramp-stamp money shot; and the finale F/F sadism in which Go-Go is smacked around, shocked, and motor-skewered by a modest-sized dildo until our heroine arrives to "save" her by simply... well, showing up. As damsels in distress go, Princess Toadstool had more spunk. Go-Go is a quivering, whimpering pile of skin & bones that evoked no sympathy from this viewer beyond wanting to provide her with a blanket and a sandwich.

Piercings and tattoos abound. The women are all attractive, but far from perfect (which is a plus in my book). The men have impressive physiques, but I commented on their muscular legs & abs more often than their equipment. Satan, especially, was a hard-working stud who looked rather fine when beaded with sweat.

The film aims for artsy with non-traditional music, strange lighting, heavy anime influences, and funky camera angles, but hits the humorous mark more often. (I mean, how often do corn dogs appear in porn flicks? Seriously.) If you want something to wank to, look elsewhere. If you want a few belly laughs, some odd (but far from extreme, once you excuse the squid) fetish play, and extreme close-ups of P-V penetration (no P-A) that go on and on and yawn, look no further. This is your flick.

When all was said and done, my partner -- who is a serious DVD collector -- said, "Who can we give this to?" I suppose, someday, it could become a cult classic, but until then, it's simply a novelty item.

Until next time...

peace & passion,


Here's what Babeland, who graciously provided the DVD for review, has to say:

Man's Ruin is an adult DVD for the porn specialist who is looking for a multi-player, multi-level game that's easy to beat, and beat off to! OK, so it's not really a video game, but it sure plays like one! Man's Ruin is a cinematic super-charged world of sexual deviancy, fetishism, and perversions--with alt porn star Melodie Gore as a superstar hero on a mission laden with sexual obstacles like tattooed ladies, hard cocks, and bondage devices. From front to back, you'll find Man's Ruin a fully artistic and explicit kinky film, complete with medical play, all-girl threesomes, sex and submission, and high-end fetish domination. Get out your joysticks!

  • Company: Vivid
  • Released: 2007
  • Length: 113 minutes
  • Director: Winkytiki
  • Noteworthy Stars: Stoya, Justine Joli, Claire Adams

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Hitachi Magic Wand

Hitachi Magic Wand
Heaven. Absolute heaven.

It's been my pleasure to review the Hitachi Magic Wand.

When I first removed the toy from the box, I was surprised at the seemingly innocent appearance and at the solid weight of the product. No cheap issue, this. It is in fact a marvelous deep muscle massager, easily able to deliver powerful but soothing vibrations to the entire body. The wand guarantees a relaxed recipient, whether you've been driving a moving van for thirty hours or building sets for a middle school play.

Phthalate free, it's a foot long instrument, twelve solid phallic-shaped inches loaded with teeth-clenching vibrations. The head is soft and flexible and measures 7 ½ inches around, slightly smaller than a tennis ball. There is a six foot power cord, 110-120 volts, with two settings. It is the strongest vibrator I've ever used.

After plugging it in and turning it to the highest setting, I applied the wand to the back of my neck, and then slipped it down between my shoulder blades. The relief was immediate, and it felt as if my entire body unclenched. I followed this up by testing it on my calves, my thighs, and even the soles of my feet. The vibrations tickled my feet but my leg muscles sighed with pleasure.

Undaunted and intrigued, and with growing sexual thoughts, I placed the buzzing head directly against my tender nipples. Zing! It was startling but absolutely amazing. I would have thought that the vibrations were too powerful to be enjoyed sexually but as it turns out, I was quite mistaken.

With a grin I centered the vibrating tool against my jean-clad crotch. Wow. The pleasurable sensations were acute and quickly traveled from navel to kneecaps. Thinking I should begin this sort of play at the lower setting I tried to turn the wand down. That's when I realized it was already on the lowest setting. It could only go higher. So I turned it up.

That was quickly followed by a bone-rattling, chair-gripping, seeing stars climax. Wow. It was a good thing no one else was home at the time.

Well, since the first test was such a success, ahem, my next thoughts were about variety and further experimentation. So, later that night my partner and I took the wand from the living room to the bedroom.

We started with teasing and body massage techniques. He loved it as much as I did and the groans from muscle relaxation soon gave way to sexual moans and sighs. It was certainly not too powerful on my sensitive bits, especially after arousal, but I can see where direct application may be too much for some.

We tried different positions and variations, but eventually settled for the tried and true rear entry. I held the wand easily in one hand, pressed it to myself and once we were engaged my partner felt the vibrations nearly as forcefully as I did. He is now a serious fan of vibrating toys.

We've since discovered there is an attachment that can be purchased for the wand called the Gee Whiz. It snaps on and allows users to focus on clitoris or G-spot. Delicious.

The Hitachi Magic Wand is an orgasm producer, no question. And as a matter of fact, our wand is still plugged in.

I highly recommend it and look forward to further playtime, I mean, experimentation.



Here's what Babeland, who graciously provided the product for review, had to say:

Known as "the Cadillac of Vibrators" and perhaps the world's most popular vibrating sex toy. Similar in look and feel to the Acuvibe, its strong vibration makes it an unfailing friend in masturbation, and its symmetrical shape makes it a natural for partnered, face-to-face fun. For penetration options, check out the Gee Whiz and the Deluxe G-spotter attachments. Runs on 110v power, cord is 6'1". Two speeds, spongy head; or replace with Off With Your Head. Hitachi is one of the Babeland All Stars!

This item cannot be shipped outside of North America.

    • Size: 12"; head: 2-1/2" diameter
    • Material: Vinyl and hard plastic
    • Volume: 5 out of 5
    • Intensity: 5 out of 5
    • Batteries: Electric

    Tuesday, November 18, 2008

    Maverick

    MaverickMaverick It is always a delight to make new acquaintances, and when one's friends get along famously, it can be very satisfying. Very. Satisfying. Maverick, the nubby, stretchy, reversible elastomer sleeve, took a shining to Woody, the suction-based glittery silver silicone dick as if they were meant to be together in some sort of erotic reproduction of Toy Story.

    This is one versatile product! The fellas can use it with the nubbies on the inside -- slathered with lube -- while the ladies can turn it inside out and slip it on their fellas or their favorite toy for a little extra nubby goodness, either harnessed or hand-held. Nevermind that it looks like a curling iron attachment. It doesn't FEEL like one, and that's what counts.

    Elastomer is a slightly porous, phthalate-free material that cannot be completely disinfected, so this product is not recommended for anal play. Wash with warm, soapy, anti-bacterial soap and stretch it around a lint-free towel to thoroughly dry the inside. Then, invert and store nubby-side out, since all those bumps could harbor moisture.

    Until next time...

    peace & passion,


    Here's what Babeland has to say:
    After a long day’s work, come home and slip into something more comfortable—the tantalizing Maverick penis sleeve. The cushy, soft elastomer sleeve fits snugly on virtually anyone, while nubby tendrils lining the inside stroke every inch of your cock. And though it’s not what the Maverick was designed for, we liked turning it inside out—so the nubbies face out—and letting our partners enjoy extra stimulation during vaginal penetration. Blue elastomer. One stretchy size.

    Friday, October 31, 2008

    Bondage Tape

    He said:
    Man… This stuff can be used for a blindfold, bindings or a leash. Roll some of it up and tuck in your pocket for those unexpected public bondage opportunities. It really doesn't yank her hair or rip her skin, making it great for those times when you have that urge to tie her down and don't want to necessarily be nice about it. You can just tape her down and go to it. The thing I like best is that it seems to grip tighter the more she struggles! Gotta love that. And there's no pain when it's time to come off. You peel it off and roll it up to use again later.

    She said:

    Oh. My. God. This stuff is fantastic…. Finally a product that lives up to it promise. The pretty packaging says, "Wrap your lover up tonight. It’s bound to please you both." And it's most surely true. It doesn’' pull out your hair, stick to your belly button ring or tear your expensive thigh highs. I love the way it looks, too. The shiny black tape is so sexy against my skin.

    The bottom line: The Fetish Fantasy Series, Pleasure Tape by Pipedream Products was exactly what the package promised it to be. How often can you say that these days? This stuff will become a favorite in the toy bag. There are much more elaborate ways to bind someone, but this tape works well, and looks good while it's doing it.

    This product is highly recommended for those that are just starting to play with bondage as well as the experienced bondage lover. Its versatility would make it a very fun addition to almost any couples' sex life. Anyone can have fun with this tape.

    ~ Mari Freeman
    marifreeman.com

    ~ ~ ~

    Here's what Babeland had to say:

    Bondage tape is a bondage enthusiast's dream! One roll contains 65' of reusable, uncoated 2" wide tape. It bonds, blindfolds, gags, and restrains using a unique self-cling property--no sticky glue! Easily and painlessly removed, it won't even stick to hair. Lightweight, quick, easy to use, and aesthetically pleasing in red or black, it's a must-have for your toy box no matter what level of play you are into. Bondage tape is also great for those on a budget, or who don't want to mess around with heavy equipment.

    Thursday, October 30, 2008

    HALLOWEEN SALE

    There's only 24 hours left to take advantage of Babeland.com Halloween discounts:
    • Take $30 OFF your next Babeland.com purchase of $150 or more when you enter coupon code: Treat30
    • Take $15 OFF your next Babeland.com purchase of $100 or more when you enter coupon code: Treat15
    • Take $ 5 OFF your next Babeland.com purchase of $50 or more when you enter coupon code: Treat5

    We-vibe

    We-vibeThere are so many ways this little, purple pleaser can be used that a conscientious toy reviewer could spend months trying (and re-trying) them in order to present the intrepid, orgasm-seeking consumer with a comprehensive evaluation. Eventually, however, the review simply must be written so that the products piling up in the corner, patiently awaiting their turn, can have their chance at my... well, you know.

    If Toys for Tarts' review doesn't answer all your burning questions, please leave a comment. We'll do our bestest to answer or at least point you in the direction of the answer. Realize, of course, that any questions might result in this reviewer disappearing for days (or weeks) in order to thoroughly research *ahem* the answer. There are also other reviews--out there in the jungles of cyberspace--to peruse. Clean Sheets, for example, posted his-n-hers critiques.

    Okay, so it looks like a cross between new-age salad tongs and a mouth guard. (I like funky stuff.) What you can't tell from the photographs (and the We-vibe website has lots of them from all angles) is that its surface is SOFT and that its neck is really flexible.

    The We-vibe is primarily designed to be used during penetrative vaginal sex--be that with human or inanimate object or some combination of the two. The (slightly) smaller end is inserted, while the larger end rests against the clitoris. It stays put quite well in all positions tested--especially missionary & on all fours--even with lots of lubrication (be it the natural variety or the type that comes from the industrial-sized pump dispenser on your nightstand). [REMINDER: Don't use silicone lubes with silicone toys.] Takes a We-bit (*snerk* Aren't I punny?) more coordination when on top, but once you put your quarter in the slot and your bronco starts bucking, you're good for the duration of the ride.

    It's rechargeable, which means that even though it's purple (visually), it's green (environmentally). That purple is like a thick, silicone wet suit (appropriately) for the moving parts. Two vibrating nodes. One in each end. Two stronger-than-typical-bullet-vibe, quieter-than-typical-bullet-vibe nodes.

    The single, 3-position, high-off-low toggle switch (which controls both ends) is hidden beneath that sheath, too. There are just a couple, cute little dimples on the clit end to indicate its location. You have to feel around for it, but--just like you have to feel around for a g-spot--you'll know when you find it. Trust me.

    We-vibeSame for the power jack. Another dimple, just below the power dimples. A tiny slit of a nose to their rounder eyes. At first I was hesitant to "pierce" the purple with the plug, but it plunged right in there and sealed right back up when withdrawn. Nifty!

    The instructions say it cannot be overcharged and recommend keeping it plugged in so it'll have a full charge whenever you're ready to play. In testing, a single charge lasted long enough to accomplish its mission in three separate, lengthy experiments before showing any signs of fatigue. (That's more than I can say for most partners I've known.)

    We-vibeThe storage case looks so much like a typical eyeglass case in size and shape that no one would give it a second glance if you left it on your kitchen counter--not that I expect to be using it in the kitchen, mind you. (On second thought, my kitchen island does look rather inviting.)

    So, in the final analysis, is this purple pleasure puppy worth its hefty price tag? Yeah, I think so. If you give it a try, please let us know what YOU think!

    Until next time...

    peace & passion,


    ~ ~ ~

    Here's what EdenFantasys has to say:

    This unique discreet vibrator is crafted in premium silicone and designed for hands-free pleasure. Rechargeable and phthalate-free, the body friendly material and powerful vibrations will arouse and delight.

    Two vibrating nodes purr simultaneously at low or high speed on each end of this sex toy. The We-vibe has a compact body about the size of a playing card, with ribbed textures on the inside to stimulate. The tip with the control button in it rests on the clitoris, while the thinner tip slides inside the vagina to massage the G-spot.br>
    A thin jack simply slides into a small hole in the front to recharge the We-vibe. Two dimples beside the charging port accent the internal power switch, which can be moved left for high speed and right for low. High speed is moderately quiet, while low speed is very quiet, making this a great toy for a little discreet fun.br>
    Your We-vibe unit comes with a black and purple hinged case and a charging plug. It should be used only with water based lubricants, and can not be submerged in water. Only the thinner tip should be inserted.




    • Type: G-spot and clitoral vibrator
    • Texture: Ribbed
    • Control type: Power switch
    • Clitoral attachment shape: Other
    • Functions: Vibrating
    • Safety features: Non-porous / Phthalates free
    • Powered By: Rechargeable
    • Material: Silicone
    • Color: Purple
    • Length: 3"
    • Insertable length: 3"
    • Circumference: 3"
    • Diameter: 1"
    • Weight: 0.1 lb
    • Special Features: Multispeed

    Friday, October 24, 2008

    Buzz 1

    Sometimes, amidst all the high-tech orgasmic gadgetry, you just want something sleek and simple. Something that doesn't require mental gymnastics to decipher. Something that cannot be confused with a marine mammal or a pair of miniature purple salad tongs (tongs for which a Toys for Tarts review is coming soon, by the way). Something that won't make your boyfriend's eyes pop out when you slip it into your harness.

    Enter *ahem* Buzz 1. This utilitarian, silicone shaft by Tantus, makers of the Feeldoe, is elegant in its functional simplicity--much like the organ after which it was patterned (albeit in a funner color). Available in purple (which is, like, mandatory for today's objet d'fuck), black (which is incredibly sexy in a black leather Jaguar harness), and pink (for MaryKay sales reps).

    This product, to my jaded way of thinking, is not a solo toy--like the Hitachi, for example. By that, I mean that using it--and it alone--is like having a scoop of plain vanilla ice cream. Undoubtedly good, but not quite enough to satisfy. It needs something to accentuate its deliciousness. Like a harness. A harness that puts that delightful little bullet vibe in contact with your clit while the smoooooooth shaft glides in and out of your partner. Or, perhaps, if playing alone, a pair of vibrating nipple clamps.

    I recommend that every arsenal consist of a basic model like the Buzz 1. Shop around online, though. Prices at the sites I checked varied by as much as $15. And don't forget to pick up the coupon codes we've collected to save a few bucks.

    Until next time...

    peace & passion,

    Here's what Babeland, who graciously provided the product, has to say:
    Smooth, bright and penetrating, this is the family of vibrating silicone dildos our customers have been asking for! Forget about ungainly battery packs, the Buzz 1 comes with a small Zippy Vibe that nestles in the base of the dildo and generates sweet vibration. Great for those looking for a shorter strap-on dildo, this modest sized dildo with semi-realistic head is harness compatible with a 1-1/2" O-ring. Color may vary. Please refer to our return policy for this product.
    • Size: 6" x 1-1/4"
    • Material: Silicone
    • Volume: 1 out of 5
    • Intensity: 1 out of 5
    • Batteries: Three watch batteries (included)

    Saturday, October 18, 2008

    The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys

    The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex ToysRegardless where the toy market takes us or when/if the multitude of website addresses in this book become obsolete, good advice is good advice. The most important information in this book (on safety, communication, imagination) will stand the test of time. It starts out slowly--with tips on introducing sex toys into a relationship--so as not to overwhelm a true beginner. However, by the time readers reach the end of the book, with its chapters on sex machines and alien probes, their own kinks probably seem quite vanilla in comparison--and that is this book's subtle gift. Kudos to Ms. Blue! After all, the sex machine aficionados are clearly not this book's target audience. They're well past it on the kink-o-meter. Including information about the wilder devices and contraptions gives the nervous novice a big boost of confidence by saying without saying: "You just want to peg your boyfriend? Pffft! That's nothing. What are you waiting for?"

    The book is quite comprehensive in its coverage of toys--from standard vibrators and dildos to harnesses to webcams and teledildonics to pain play to sex furniture.

    The author's smooth narrative makes for an enjoyable read. I laughed out loud at a couple clever turns of phrase. And, yes, I did learn a thing or two.

    Until next time,

    peace & passion,



    Here's what Babeland has to say:

    Turn up the volume on sex, creativity, and orgasmic potential with Violet Blue’s invigorating Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys. You’ll find info on choosing and using toys, introducing your ‘adventurous’ toy choices to a not-so-adventurous partner, and tips for using toys as a couple, all presented with Blue’s characteristic dry humor. From blindfolds to threesomes, webcams to steel cage dining room tables, your taste for adventure and sexual appetite are sure to be satisfied.

    • Binding Style: Paperback
    • Type: Sex Information/How-To
    • Number of Pages: 288
    • Copyright: 2006

    Monday, October 13, 2008

    SaSi

    SaSiSex toys just keep getting better and better, and Je Joue's SaSi is top-of-the-line luxury. It's the Lamborghini of non-human clitoral stimulation, combining vibration with a tongue-like "nub" that remembers what you like.

    EdenFantasys says:

    According to studies some women more likely get aroused from massaging finger-like motion than from vibration. SaSi is a new approach to female pleasure that implement motion instead of plain vibration.

    • Massaging ball enveloped in soft silicone makes circle movements over desired area imitating finger movements.

    • Massager delivers 11 motion patterns, which can be arranged in the sequence you like.

    • Motion and vibration speeds can be increased. You can program SaSi entering your favorite patterns in its memory.

    • SaSi is rechargeable. The full charge takes 45 minutes and lasts 1 hour 15 minutes.

    • SaSi comes with charger, 4 adapters for USA, EU, Australia and UK, storage bag and instructional booklet.

    • We strongly recommend reading instructions prior first use to learn about SaSi's abilities and enjoy this wonderful product at its fullest.


    And Babeland says:
    Just like a real partner, SaSi vibrator is capable of giving a different experience every time, and like a good partner, it will learn and remember the movements you like best. A smooth, rounded massage head undulates under a thin, silky cover, creating a soft kneading sensation that can be completely customized by adjusting movement type, speed, and vibration. SaSi is loaded with "Sensual Intelligence" which enables you to program the vibrator’s motions. Tailoring an experience just for you, it learns what you like and what you don’t like and remembers it for future enjoyment. Plus, the SaSi is a comfortable, portable size; made of water-resistant silicone, and rechargeable.
    Babeland offers this video on YouTube:

    Until next time,

    peace & passion,

    Sunday, October 05, 2008

    Pleasure Tops

    Pleasure TopsPleasure TopsUndoubtedly hoping to capture some of the more frugal shoppers coveting the more expensive (and, apparently, much more effective) Cone, this Doc Johnson product leaves a lot to be desired. I do applaud the manufacturer's move toward phthalate-free products with this silicone toy, though.

    It's cute and soft and pink, and it certainly sounded as if it would deliver a nice vibration from its two AAA batteries, but the tactile reality didn't live up to its auditory promise.

    While I could straddle it without difficulty, I'm very flexible. If you can't do a side split comfortably, don't purchase this toy intending to lower yourself onto it like you're riding a partner. You'll be seriously disappointed. Invest a bit more in a Rock Chick or suction a Woody to one of those big exercise balls if you want to ride. Those toys offer greater flexibility. There's just not a helluva lot of options with this little pink puppy.

    However, if you're limber and can get off easily with an average bullet vibe, this might be a good choice for you.

    Until next time...

    peace & passion,



    Here's what Babeland has to say:

    Pleasure TopsStraddle the cone-shaped body of the Pleasure Top vibe and your hands are free to seek other pleasures! Slide down the shaft—the lower you go, the greater the pressure and sensation from two vibrators located in the shaft and spout, allowing you to build depth, width, vibration sensation and pressure on the clit or perineum. Tilt toward the spout for maximum effect or try it on your back or belly first in order to discover how your body responds best. The Pleasure Tops is waterproof, phthalate-free and cushy enough to respond to a PC squeeze. Both vibrators controlled by one multi-speed dial.

    • Size: 2-1/2” x 1-1/5”
    • Material: Silicone

    Saturday, September 27, 2008

    Delight

    My partner took one look at this cordless, rechargeable, silicone & plastic Fun Factory product and dubbed it Shamu. And judging from the--Wait for it!--whale of a good time I had testing it, I'd have to agree. Shamu, it is.

    The fact that I got all hot & bothered merely doing a Google image search for a picture of its namesake is an indicator of this toy's effectiveness. I now have a fetish for marine mammals thanks to this product. It is--by far--the most effective dual-stimulating g-spot/clitoral vibrator I've tested TO DATE. (Yes, toy vendors/manufacturers, that IS a gauntlet.)

    The design is ingenious, the curves perfectly formed. Every push pulls and every pull pushes. It's like an orgasmic teeter-totter without the splinters.

    The storage case/charger is discreet enough to leave on your nightstand (or coffee table) without drawing attention. The toy itself is very aesthetically pleasing, and if your toddler happens to snatch (no pun intended) it and plunk it on the dinner table along with GI John and Caribou Barbie, no one will bat an eyelash.

    The controls--lit by glowing red LEDs--are easily visible in the dark and positioned such that they're readily accessible without being prone to inadvertent change. There are multiple levels of vibration. I counted 9 levels of steady vibrations and 3 pulsing speeds, and it's relatively quiet-ish. I really couldn't hear it over my whale-song modulating moaning. *eep* I noticed no power loss during a prolonged dive, either.

    I believe I just had a mini-gasm simply thinking about this toy in conjunction with anal sex. Yeah, it's expensive... but, great-killer-marine-mammals Batman!, it's worth every wet cent.

    Until next time...

    peace & passion,




    Here's what Babeland has to say:

    Invite Delight into your bedroom, with this beautifully-sculpted new vibrator. Designed to please the body as well as the eyes, the Delight practically guides itself to your favorite pleasure points, surrounding your G-spot or clitoris with powerful sensations. The Delight recharges easily while sitting in its Babeland-branded carrying case, and is available in three gorgeous colors. From the makers of our bestselling line of silicone vibrators, this Fun Factory toy also features 32 different vibration options, plus an ultra-ergonomic handle. Water-resistant. Constructed of water-resistant plastic and silicone. Delight is one of the Babeland All Stars! Please refer to our return policy for this product.

    • Size: 4" x 1-3/4" (insertable)
    • Material: Silicone and plastic
    • Volume: 2 out of 5
    • Intensity: 3 out of 5
    • Batteries: Recharges in case
    And here's what the manufacturer's website reveals:
    With »Delight« you will enter a new universe of lust!

    This new vibrator combines exterior stimulation with simultaneous insertable function.

    It is convincing, not only due to its breathtaking looks, but also because it combines precious elegance with fabulous functionality.

    The small and estethic sculpture comes with a slightly bent tip for G-Spot stimulation. A little knob that is placed on the silicone part of »Delight« will – intensified with vibration - excite for extra pleasures.

    1. The curl is held with two fingers.
    2. Illuminated controls are easy to operate with one's thumb.
    3. An extra bump stimulates clitoris
    4. Made from 100% medical grade silicone, hook tickles the G-Spot.
    5. Sides made from smooth, shiny, skin-friendly plastic.
    6. Carrying case: Is both a travel box and recharger.

    Thursday, September 25, 2008

    Leather Hood with Zip Eyes and Mouth

    Leather Hood with Zip Eyes & MouthYou gotta check out Snarling Misanthrope's review of this product posted on the Eden Fantasys site. It's both informative and hilarious. A snippet, for example:
    DURABILITY. It seems to be fairly sturdy. Through the course of testing, it has thus far stood up admirably to the following activities:
    • groveling
    • kneeling
    • begging
    • coitus
    • ass-coitus
    • omelet-making

    Enjoy!

    Sunday, September 14, 2008

    Fetish Fleamarket

    I had fun yesterday at The Crucible's Leather Fleamarket & Play Party 17 in DC. From 11am 'til 6pm, I sold books & schmoozed ... and shopped! I didn't stay for the play party ('cause I had a 4-hour drive ahead of me), but from the demonstrations on the exhibit floor, it was shaping up to be a verrrrrrry intriguing event.


    The vendors were super nice. I picked up a very pretty deer hide flogger from DeTailsToys along with a couple other trinkets.

    peace & passion,

    Thursday, September 04, 2008

    PSA: Toxic Toys

    I've had this post languishing in draft for many months, unmotivated to publish it primarily because the information is already available from numerous other sources. These days, every respectable online sex toy vendor has at least one page dedicated to information about the composition of the products it sells. For example, Babeland's starts here. A quick Google search produces a plethora of hits. I've posted the link to Violet Blue's most excellent article before, and I'm sure I will again. Wikipedia has an entry here.

    But something happened last night that made me go Ewwww! and I think it only serves to emphasize all the warnings floating around about what's in some of the cheaper products folks stick in their bodies.

    Damned near every toy carries the instruction to store it "a cool, dry place" after proper cleaning. I mean, it's so common that it doesn't even register any more. Our eyes just pass over it, unseeing. However, being the meticulous person that I am (STOP LAUGHING!), I've always followed this advice. I don't store my sex toys in the refrigerator (unless I'm chilling my Njoy) or the oven or in a vat of disinfectant. I have a breathable--but lockable--storage drawer (a steel gun locker, actually) in which I keep my toys.

    Anyway, I opened it last night to put away some recent acquisitions, and when I happened to touch one particular dildo, it was slimy. My first thought was that I had a lube spill somewhere. Nope. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that the toy itself was... oozing. Now, this was a large, jelly dong that I don't recall buying. I think maybe it came with a harness or something. Maybe I got it as a gift. That particular detail is lost in the recesses of my sex-addled memory. However, I do know I never used/tested it (because it was HUGE and I'm just not a size queen). It was stored in "a cool, dry place" and yet it was bleeding, leaking some unknown & presumably toxic substance.

    I immediately tossed it in the trash, pausing only briefly to consider the environmental impact of its disposal. The thought of having that inside me made me sick to my stomach. When the nausea abated, I returned to my toy box and checked everything else. Fortunately, there were no other casualties.

    In the coming weeks, I'm going to check each of the vendors with whom Toys for Tarts is affiliated. If I do not find a page on their site with information on materials and safety, I am going to contact them with a request that they create one. If, within a reasonable amount of time, they do not, I am going to sever the affiliation. Toys for Tarts will not support vendors (even if paid a pittance to do so) that knowingly put sales before safety. Readers are encouraged to comment here to share their related experiences with various vendors.

    I will leave you with some simple advice:
    1. Know the composition of the products you're using as well as how to safely use, clean, and store them.
    2. If a vendor or manufacturer does not disclose the material from which a product is made, DON'T BUY IT.
    3. If you are unsure about the composition of a product already in your arsenal, either replace it or use a safe barrier (such as a condom) when playing with it.
    4. Pass this information along.

    Until next time...

    peace & passion,

    Sunday, August 31, 2008

    Bandito

    Fun Factory BanditoI heart Fun Factory products. They're always a bit unusual, which appeals to the eclectic eroticist in me. Even when the product doesn't really work for me, I still admire its looks and the creativity behind its design. I especially like that Fun Factory doesn't insist upon making a dildo look precisely like a penis. While the male organ is delightful in so many ways, not all lesbians care to be reminded of such during sex. Fun Factory makes dicks that aren't exactly like dicks for chicks that like un-dick-like dicks. Take Bandito, for example. Sure, the silicone dildo is phallic. It's undoubtedly intended for very dick-like uses. However, it's also intriguingly un-dick-like in a futuristic kinda sci-fi tentacle way. I think artistic sex toys are just damned spiffy.

    And, even if one is enamored of the male organ, which--I'll readily admit--I am, that's not to say that it's not enjoyable to have a little added up-curve to one's silicone shaft. Or, if you happen to be pegging, to spin that sucker around in the harness and make the up-curve into a down-curve to better hit the p-spot. Just can't DO that with a real dick, y'know. Well, you could spin the whole guy around, but we're not talking about zero-gravity sex... yet.

    Woody versus BanditoLast week, I reviewed a similar product: Vixen Creations' Woody. It's the glittery, more dick-like faux dick over there on the right. As you can see, both have the concave base that serves to suction the dildo to any smooth surface. I had to fidget with Bandito a bit to get it firmly affixed, but neither product lost its grip on my shower wall until I pried it loose after the hot water ran out.

    The angle of the photo makes it look as if Bandito is larger, but in reality, Woody is slightly longer and slightly thicker. The only difference I could feel, though, was Bandito's yummy extra up-curve. Both got the job done in roughly the same amount of time. (I don't keep a stopwatch handy when toy testing, sorry.)

    Like Woody, Bandito fits my favorite harness beautifully. As singles go, these comparably-priced toys are both solo and strap-on winners.

    Until next time...

    peace & passion,


    Eden Fantasys, who graciously provided the Bandito for review, says:
    Indulge in silicone fantasy with this artistically designed dildo. Swirling patterns are raised from the surface, giving a dual-texture feel to this pliable sensual toy.

    Curved in a gentle arc, the design helps stimulate the G-spot with its smooth tip. A unique three-lobed base is ideal for harness play, and sits very comfortably in the hand for thrusting when used on a partner. A concave shape on the bottom gives it a suction-cup quality for solo play.

    Made of soft 100% silicone, the Bandito can be fully sterilized by boiling in water for a few minutes, or a quick soak in a 10% bleach solution. Silicone warms to body temperature, is hygienic, and perfect for those with sensitivity to materials like jelly.
    • Product code: FUN24308
    • Type: Strap-on dildo
    • Texture: Swirled
    • Care and cleaning: Dishwasher safe/Boilable/Bleachable
    • Safety features: Non-porous/Phthalates free/Hypo-allergenic/Latex free
    • Harness compatibility: O-ring compatible
    • Material: Silicone
    • Length: 6 1/2"
    • Insertable length: 5 1/2"
    • Circumference: 4 1/2"
    • Diameter: 1 1/2"
    • Weight: 1 lb
    • Special Features: Waterproof, Harness compatible, Flared base

    Thursday, August 28, 2008

    Pinwheel with Sheath

    No, it's not a miniature pizza cutter. It's a delightfully intriguing implement for sensation or pain play. Yes, those points are sharp. Yes, they could puncture the skin if enough pressure was applied. With light pressure, however, they almost tickle -- and I'm not ticklish. With medium pressure, a trail of indentations temporarily dot the skin. Playfully write your name on your lover's back -- or deliver some wicked teasing to nipples or other pink parts.

    Use safely, sanely, and consensually. And, as with any product which may pierce the skin, sterilize before use. A stainless steel implement can be sterilized with rubbing alcohol, Betadine, or chlorhexidine if you don't happen to have an autoclave handy.

    Until next time...

    peace & passion,


    Here's what Babeland has to say:
    Sensuous or stern, you'll get your partner purring (or squealing) in no time when you run the steely bright pinwheel over legs, arms, backs, and genitals! The gleaming twenty-two-point stainless steel wheel has stood the test of time as a perennial favorite with both BDSM players and those who prefer a lighter touch. This full body sensation toy, also known as the Wartenberg Wheel, was originally developed by neurologists to test dermal nerve response. Make them shiver with pleasure as you hold the gorgeous smooth handle at an angle, to avoid piercing the skin, and vary the speed and pressure as you roll the prickling wheel. Comes encased in a leather sheath.

    Tuesday, August 26, 2008

    Woody

    WoodyFrom Vixen Creations, makers of the Nexus, comes this realistically-sized 100% silicone dildo. Now, the silvery glitter is not a common attribute of the part of the human male anatomy after which this product is patterned, but I think Woody wears it well. If a glittery dick isn't your thing, Woody also comes in black and vanilla. (Hey, at least it's not purple. What IS it with purple sex toys, anyway?)

    I decided to introduce myself to Woody in the shower. Y'see, one of Woody's nifty little features is a concave base: a simple, but ingenious design element that allows Woody's base to function like a suction cup. A suction cup strong enough to stick to the wall of the shower through some vigorous action. Not that I'd know, of course. *wink*

    But with Woody stuck to the wall, one's hands are free to... um... do other things, like... um... shampoo. Yeah, shampoo. And, if so inclined, to rinse ever-so-thoroughly with that lovely Moen hand-held shower massager. Ahem.

    After the hot water ran out... erm, I mean, after I finished showering, I tested Woody in my Jaguar harness, which fits like they were made for one another. Red leather. Glittery dick. It's the new look for fall. All the rage. Can't wait to take 'em for a test drive.

    At $60, Woody doesn't come cheap, but versatility, durability, safety, efficiency, and effectiveness make it well worth the expense. The glitter's just icing on that cake.

    Until next time...

    peace & passion,


    WoodyHere's what Babeland has to say:

    Who doesn't want a Woody? This guy may be average in size, but his performance is anything but. With a great head for G-spot lovin' and a shaft that's nicely proportioned, Woody looks and feels great. Black, vanilla, or glittery silver! Please refer to our return policy for this product.

    Monday, August 25, 2008

    Door Jam Cuffs

    Doorjamb CuffsFrom SportSheets, the makers of the Penetration Station reviewed here, comes this intriguing pair of restraints: Door Jam Cuffs. Yes, "Jam" should be "Jamb" -- and, technically, the jamb is the vertical part of a door's frame -- but I'm going to forgive the manufacturer's faux pas in favor of its products' functionality. Besides, "Door Lintel Cuffs" just doesn't sound as sexy.

    I'm always wary of restraints from mainstream sex toy vendors, because... well... they're usually not serious gear. They're often more visually oriented and playful, but not truly effective for bondage.

    Doorjamb CuffsThis particular product has two components: the cuffs and the over-the-door straps to which the cuffs attach. The former are basically fluff. While quite comfortable, they are just not that sturdy. The soft fleece is wrapped with a 1" wide Velcro strap -- and Velcro's strength degrades over time. After a few uses, the wearer would be able to break free with a good yank.

    The woven nylon door straps (with strong metal rings and clamps), however, are wonderful in their efficient functionality. Simply drape them over the top of the door and close it. Then, attach the cuffs to the straps and voilĂ ! By substituting a sturdier pair of cuffs (like, for example, these), you'd have a secure restraint system that is effortless to install, even in the heat of the moment.

    I'd recommend putting the cuff-side of the system on the INSIDE of the door if weight-bearing is planned, just to provide an added measure of safety. The door jamb would then carry some of the load and avoid undue stress on the latch or the door itself (many of which are hollow at their core).

    At $30, it's a little on the steep side for what you're getting, but I still recommend the product for impromptu indulgence of your kinkier side.

    Until next time...

    peace & passion,


    Here's what Babeland has to say:
    Skip the home improvement! If you'd love to see your sweetie in standing bondage but you don't want to drill rivets into your wall, try portable, easy-to-use Door Jam Cuffs. Fleece bondage cuffs with Velcro closures attach to sturdy black nylon straps that fit over any door. Short plastic tubes keep the straps in place and won't damage the door. Simply slip the straps over or under your door, then close it. Clip the cuffs onto the straps and you're ready to play! Be sure to check the circulation in your playmate's hands and feet regularly during bondage play, especially if their arms are above their head. Strap length is 8"; cuffs are 2" wide.

    Saturday, August 23, 2008

    Silicone Water Wand

    Silicone Water WandA Toys for Tarts guest review:

    This is a small, extremely quiet, classically-shaped vibrator. Four and a half inches long, two and a half inches in circumference with the jelly sheath on, it’s rather like a slightly enlarged, cordless bullet. It’s amazingly quiet, which is wonderful for use in the tub, where the water will magnify the slightest sound. For all its diminutive size, it packs quite a strong vibrational punch at its top speed.

    The motor is surprisingly strong for one which takes only one AA battery, and of course, the fewer batteries we use, the more savings in both cash and for the environment! The ribbing on the sheath does add some extra zing when the vibe is inserted, and the head is small enough that the motor can make it vibrate along with the rest of the toy.

    It’s as waterproof as advertised—despite some fairly extensive submersion, no water got in to the battery compartment. In addition, the jelly sheath fits tightly enough that no water got underneath it, which can be a pain come clean-up time. With the sheath on, the toy is wide enough to put the ribbed sheath in contact with all those lovely nerves in the first inch or so of the pussy. This is not a toy for stretching you out or going deep, but it’s a charming little bathtime accessory.

    If I could change one thing about this toy, it would be the speed dial. It’s rather stiff even when dry and next to impossible to change speeds when both your hands and the toy are wet. I wound up removing it, grabbing it with a towel and cranking it up to high speed and then reinserting it, which is a bit of a mood-breaker. With a good waterproof or paperback book of erotica, however, this little vibe will assure a lot of wet fun!


    ~ Jamie Redmond

    Silicone Water WandFrom the Babeland site:
    Petite, powerful, and waterproof, the Silicone Water Wand is a compact, metallic purple vibrator that is perfect for fun both in and out of the water. The 100% silicone sleeve is removable and either part may be used together or separately.
    • Size: 4" x 5/8" sleeve: 3-1/2" x 1"
    • Material: Silicone and hard plastic
    • Volume: 3 out of 5
    • Intensity: 2 out of 5
    • Batteries: One AAA

    ...

    Tuesday, August 19, 2008

    The Bunny Book

    The Bunny BookA Toys for Tarts guest review:

    The Bunny Book: How to Walk, Talk, Tease, and Please Like a Playboy Bunny

    The Bunny Book is a how to guide written by three Playboy Bunnies - Deanna Brooks (Miss May 1998), Pennelope Jimenez (Miss March 2003) and Serria Tawan (Miss November of 2002)

    "If you a fly gal get your nails done, get a pedicure, get your hair did!" Missy Elliott

    If you're overweight, if you love oversized clothes and walking around in gym shoes, if you could care less what your hair or your nails looks like, if you'd rather watch TV than tease or please anybody - and you're proud of it - then you have no reason for this book.

    However, for women like me who enjoy a fit body, who loves makeup and high heels, manicures and pedicures, who loves to flirt, who loves sexual excitement - this is the book for you. You may already know how to walk, talk, tease and please like a Playboy Bunny, but maybe you need a reminder. That's why I loved this book.

    The book is broken down into six core sections - Dress, Walk, Flirt, Tease, Please and Love.

    What are some of my favorite quotes from The Bunny Book?

    From "Dress" - "If you want to go to places where they wouldn't let just anyone in, then you have to dress the part."

    From "Walk" - "Walking like a Bunny isn't just a matter of crossing a room so that heads turn (when you want heads to turn, that is - sometimes you just want to get to the bathroom quickly and discreetly!). It's about the entire way you carry yourself, whether you're elegantly exiting a car, standing at the bar with a cocktail, or lounging on your couch with a hangover. And it all starts at the gym."

    From "Flirt" - "If a guy really likes you, having sex or not having sex isn't going to change his mind. If he's only in it for the sex, he'll stick around for three whole months to bed you if you're playing hard to get - and he'll still leave you right after he gets what he was looking for!"

    From "Tease" - "If you've never been to a female strip club, go. At least once. If you've got the nerve, get a lap dance. Strippers have mastered the art of seduction. And it's best to experience it first hand in order to replicate it. Then, go home and practice."

    From "Please" - "In order to have a voice in bed, you need to masturbate. You need to know your body. You have to understand the what, where, and how of your turn-ons. If you haven't figured it out, how can you expect him to? How are you going to ask for what you want if you don't know what that is?"

    From "Love" - "Yeah, we know you're supposed to take each other for better or worse, but that's meant to be a beautiful promise, not a loophole! Taking pride in the way you look shows respect for the guy you're with (he should do the same for you, by the way). Sure, he'd be an asshole for leaving you just because you gained a few pounds, but you can't expect to trade in your gym routine for a beer belly and Big Macs seven nights a week and still have him lust after you."

    I highly recommend The Bunny Book for all the girly girls out there!

    Jolie du Pre

    Erotica author and editor


    ~ ~ ~

    On sale now for just $14!

    From the Babeland site:

    Three Playboy Bunnies—one married, one a career woman and one a die-hard party girl—get together and dish up everything you need to know to work it like a centerfold. Impress a first date, walk in heels, look (and feel) great naked, groom your pubes, strip like a pro, and so much more. Sassy, sex-positive and a fun read from front to back, The Bunny Book also mentions Babeland and several of our favorite toys.

    • Binding Style: Paperback
    • Type: Sex Information/How-To
    • Number of Pages: 191
    • Copyright: 2007

    Overcoming Masturbation

    This is so ludicrous that we just had to repost it. Apologies if it offends anyone's sensibilities. We've added our commentary in [brackets] ...

    Overcoming Masturbation

    Masturbation is a quickly-forming habit that can adversely affect both men and women of all ages. Despite what some might tell you, masturbation is not harmless. [On the contrary, masturbation is actually HELPFUL. It relieves stress and provides a burst of oxytocin (the nurturing/trust/bonding hormone). That safety valve may actually prevent sex-related violent crime. For women, the uterine contractions during orgasm help keep the endometrium healthy. Plus, masturbation is the safest form of sex known to humankind.] If you are trying to overcome masturbation, be assured that it is possible (even though, like any habit, it may take some work). If you are determined to do it, you will be able to. This page will give you some tips that can help you along the way.

    Determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once. [Okay, they're trying to control the most powerful force in the universe here (the compulsion to procreate), and they're calling it a "problem." God complex, anyone?]

    But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good for you. [Because, silly mortals, you can't possibly know what's good for you. You must be told!] It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind you will have the strength to resist temptations which will come to you. [Right now, I'm tempted to argue for eugenics. Stop me, Obi Wan!]

    After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:

    1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal washing and using the bathroom. [If someone else is handy, let them touch you instead.]
    2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company, especially when you are feeling particularly weak. [Hmm... Good company when "weak" (a/k/a horny) would result in fucking, but at least I wouldn't be masturbating!]
    3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. [Personally, I believe you should do it TOGETHER. Mutual masturbation ROCKS. I'm just sayin'...] Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things. [Such as? I've no doubt they have suggestions.]
    4. After you bathe, don't admire yourself in the mirror. [As if.] Stay in the shower just long enough to clean yourself. Then dry off and GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present. [Oh, like THAT prevents masturbation here in Appalachia. *rolls eyes*]
    5. When in bed (especially if that is where you masturbate), wear pajamas or other clothes so that you cannot easily touch yourself (and so that it would be difficult to remove those clothes. The time it takes to remove your clothing gives additional time to controll your thinking and overcome the temptation). [Um, since when it is necessary to remove one's clothing to wank? Geez! Have these people never rubbed one off in traffic?]
    6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED! Go into the kitchen and make a snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry. [Oh, now THAT sounds healthy! Better to be devout and fat, I guess.] The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.
    7. Never look at pornography on the internet or elsewhere. [And this makes a difference how, exactly?] Never read about your problem (even on sites claiming to be "educational"). [You mean, like the one where this drivel is posted?] Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act. [You mean we'll evolve? Imagine that!]
    8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books, scriptures, talks of church leaders. [Like the church leaders who molest altar boys, perhaps? Yeah, they really set shining examples.] Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities. [I choose Matthew 7:12 and Luke 6:31.]
    9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep it in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for members of your family who need help. Pray for your friends, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVEN IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT OUT of your mind! The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect on how easy it is to overcome. [Overcome... over come... such a sexual phrase, innit?] It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.
    Wank on, friends! And, please, ENJOY!!!

    Monday, August 18, 2008

    Grapevine Vibe

    Grapevine VibeA Toys for Tarts guest review:

    Watches and sunglasses. Used to be I could never own either, because some misfortune always befell either object I possessed. Watchbands broke within weeks, hinge pins on sunglasses loosened and disappeared in the carpet, higher end models either were stolen or mislaid at restaurants. As an adult I added bullet vibes to that list, which has left me distraught. For a desired, lasting orgasm, a bullet has been the only toy for me, and finding the RIGHT toy has been a challenge. I've have bullets short out within a week of use, not work at all once I got them home, and even crack after use. Don't ask me how, it's not like I'm riding a mechanical bull while it's in use. It frustrates me that science can build better, faster, strong technology yet attention to the orgasmic arts lingers in a pre-Renaissance.

    So it was with some interest that I decided to test the Grapevine Vibe, a cute and aptly-named little number. Here's how Babeland describes it:

    Why put something cold and hard on your delicate bits when you can stroke them with the silky-smooth, waterproof Grapevine Vibe? A tiny microbullet buzzes powerfully (but quietly) and comes encased in a velvety, smooth plastic that will have you tipping your cup in no time! Find out why it garnered rave reviews from our staff. Variable speed.

    Why cold, indeed? Though I hadn't before minded the touch of chilled plastic against my delicate bit (in some ways, it enhances the pleasure), the idea of a covered bullet intrigued me. And waterproof to boot, something I hadn't thought to look for in a bullet since I didn't think it possible. This could well eliminate the need for a bullet and a waterproof BOB.

    But does it work? Oh, yes. The actual bullet is not large - I'd say no longer the average human finger from tip to second knuckle - so not one I'd recommend for insertion unless you have a supplemental toy that uses bullets. The four-speed button panel is wonderful - no more fiddling with dials or sliding switches to find the right intensity. Level one is nice mild buzz against the skin, good for a lingering build-up to the level two medium pace. Three and four...gives all new meaning to the "quickie", though personally they are not speeds I use often for sensitivity reasons.

    As for the quiet test, it passes easily. At its lowest speed under a comforter I didn't detect too much, so if you're the type who brings toys along when visiting relatives you should be fine with this one. ;)

    If I had to issue a caveat about the Grapevine Vibe, it would be to take special care when cleaning. Because it is not exposed plastic like other bullets, you might not be as vigilant in clean as you would with a silicone toy. Of course, all toys require thorough care, so treat it nice. Website reviews on the Grapevine estimate this toy can last anywhere from about 1-3 years before the usual signs of wear show, and I suppose that depended on frequency of use. Me, knowing how well this purple people pleaser feels, I think I'll stock up on extras.

    ~ Leigh Ellwood

    Ellwood...If She Could
    Daring Erotic Romance
    http://www.leighellwood.com

    From the Babeland site:
    • Size: 1-1/2" x 5/8"
    • Material: Hard plastic
    • Volume: 2 out of 5
    • Intensity: 3 out of 5
    • Batteries: Two AA