The Fix (leather thigh harness)

I've been a bad girl. (So, I'll spank you later. *wink* Erm, yeah.) I've had The Fix leather thigh harness by Outlaw Leather in my toy box for weeks awaiting review, and I've procrastinated. Big time. Oh, it's not that I haven't played with it. I certainly have. It's just that I keep thinking that there's another position or another way I want to kick its tires before I post a review. I decided last night that the possibilities are endless and that I'd just have to buckle down and write the damned review, incomplete as it may be.

First things first: LEATHER. Leather is just so yummy, and The Fix is no exception. The smell alone is arousing. It's not as supple as the Jaguar, but it's not as stiff & scratchy as a $9.98 belt from Wal-Mart, either. It's sturdy, and sturdy is definitely an attribute one wants when driving a dildo. Plastic parachute buckles are for backpacks, not strap-ons! You don't want your harness to fall off mid-fuck and send you careening off the sexual superhighway like a Corvette that's blown a tire.

Second: POSITIONING. Talk about flexibility! You can get mega creative with this puppy, even when flying solo. You'll never look at your exercise bike the same way. Trust me on this one. For those with impaired mobility, The Fix offers satisfying alternatives to conventional sex positions. Side-lying, in particular, is both intimate and intense. Let your imagination soar -- and your orgasms will follow.

Third: FIT. The straps are joined by a pair of metal rings, so they're infinitely adjustable and plenty long enough, even for the biggest thighs. Once on and sufficiently tightened against bare flesh, the harness is not going to slip. It might rotate a bit, though, with more vigorous action. That's not an issue with lapdance-style thigh fucking, but it comes into play when thrusting. As with any strap-on, practice and technique will overcome that. Practice is very enjoyable, too. *grin*

Of note: SQUEEZE. If you're a woman who tends to be preoccupied by how she looks during sex, be prepared to not like the fleshy bulges that The Fix causes when tightened around your thigh. In order for it to be secure, you have to pull those straps tight -- and when you do, even the thinnest thigh is gonna bulge. Close your eyes and deal. It's worth it. (Putting the harness over jeans does ameliorate this issue, but then you're clothed, and access to your own slippery pink parts is limited. Life is one fucking compromise after another, pun intended. You have to decide what's more important to you as fucker or fuckee.)

And let's face it, thigh fucking is all kinds of awesome for both gals and guys. Until I received The Fix my experience was limited to a stretchy, neoprene thigh harness. For an inexpensive product, something like the Lap Dancer is wonderful. However, it lacks the snaps and O-rings that allow The Fix to accept a wide variety of dildos. As someone who owns said wide variety, that makes me oh-so-blissfully happy.


Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what EdenFantasys, who graciously provided the product for review, has to say:

Take a new direction in the world of harness play with this premium, leather thigh harness from Outlaw Leather™. Made of top-notch high-quality leather, this sturdy and durable harness fits snugly over the thigh for a new and interesting way to play with your harness compatible dildos. The central pad is cut specifically to comfortably fit over the thigh, with extra-long adjustable straps to accommodate most sizes. Solid metal rivets and brass D-rings double the safety and strength of the piece, with a large 2" in diameter brass O-ring in the center to house the dildo.

Product code: OL7020202
Type: Leg harness
Closure: Buckle
Material: Metal / Leather
Length: 10"
Width: 8 1/2"
Dildo holder diameter: 2"
Weight: 1 lb
Special Features: Kinky

Hot Heart Massage Set

I was skeptical. I thought it was a cheap gimmick but, much to my surprise, this thing is cool. I mean, it's hot. And it's on sale, too! The fluid-filled heart contains a little metal disk that you flex to active the stuff that gets hot. Then, for the next 20-30 minutes, it's like a little heating pad. Add a bit of the lovely massage oil that comes with it, and you have the recipe for relaxation.

The first time I tested this product, I was alone. I crawled in bed, got comfy, activated the disk thingy, and rubbed the hot heart over my sore shoulders. I wanted to time how long it stayed hot, but the next thing I knew, it was morning.

So, I boiled the heart for 7 minutes (per the instructions) to re-set the... whatever it's called inside there and, once it cooled, asked my partner to help me test it again. I received a vigorous back massage, and the heart stayed hot for a good 10 minutes after my partner ran out of steam.

My only complaint is that the edges of the heart can be kinda rough if you don't hold it just right. The oil helps, of course, but the manufacturer could work on design improvement there. I tried to research the company (Lover's Choice), because I'd like to buy more of the light, citrus massage oil that was included in the package, but the website was not responding.

It's a wee bit of a pain to boil the heart to re-set it, but that's a minor inconvenience. I plan to keep this handy and ready for use, right next to the other go-to products on my nightstand.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Make your next massage warmer (and hotter!) with the steamy Hot Heart Massager. A five-inch, heart-shaped PVC pack heats up when you flex the small metal disc inside. Sprinkle on a few drops of the included three-ounce fragrant Citrus Blossom Massage oil and indulge in a relaxing, deep heat massage that soothes tired muscles and wakes up erogenous zones. First-aid packs and hand warmers function on the same heating principle: by flexing the metal disc you create a chain reaction that causes the pad to crystallize, and then heat up to about 130 degrees. The heart holds heat for thirty minutes and can be reactivated in boiling water. Note that if the heart massager arrives crystallized, just melt in boiling water and let cool before reheating to use. Includes a mini massage guide. Note that this toy is not a vibrator, and is not recommended for use on the genitals.

• Size: 5" x 5"
• Material: PVC

Good Clean Love

This line of water-based lubricants touts itself as "all natural." Okay. What exactly does the word "natural" mean in this context? To me, "natural" means a substance that occurs in nature without the interference of a chemist and a laboratory. With an ingredients list that includes deonixed water, lactoperoxidase, glucose oxidase, and benzoic acid, I kinda doubt my definition applies. That leaves me wondering just how the word "natural" DOES apply to these ingredients. I mean, if a chemist in a laboratory is required, then damned near anything and everything made from ingredients found on our planet qualifies as natural, as well.

This line of products also claims to be 99.99% vegan. Now, do they really think that minuscule 0.01% will be insignificant to a vegan? A vegan! I mean, vegans are uber-sticklers for details. A person can't be "kinda vegan" any more than a woman can be "kinda pregnant." Vegans are the fundamentalist branch of the vegetarian family.

A selling point I can (and do) applaud is the "no animal products or animal testing." Huzzah!

Frankly, I've never put much thought into the chemical composition of lubricant other than ensuring that it's: (a) compatible with my toys, (b) suitable to the planned activity, and (c) safe with latex condoms.

Water-based lubricants are (unless color is added, of course) non-staining. They are also safe to use in any situation, although they will not be effective under water because (duh!) they become diluted in the water. They're also the most compatible with oral sex, because they are easily flavored and can avoid indigestible ingredients (like dimethicone).

The manufacturer's website says "90% of the OTC lubes available are made with chemicals designed first for cars or oven cleaner." Um, so what? Just because Tang was designed for the astronauts doesn't mean it's not drinkable. Okay, bad example... but you get the idea. Innovation is innovation, and finding new uses for existing things is just *grin* innovating.

The site also claims that "all of our lubricants are edible and delicious."

I received the "Almost Naked" flavor to review, which is not available on the Babeland site. While it may be "edible" in the sense that it won't kill you or make you hurl, it's FAR from "delicious." In fact, it's barely tolerable on the taste buds. If I went down on a partner--male or female--who'd been lubed with this product, I'd be unable to hang long enough to give or receive any satisfaction from the activity.

I can't imagine the Lavender Rose being any better. (Who wants to taste a Lavender Rose cock? Really? And a Lavender Rose pussy would be too much like the sachets that my grandmother used to keep in her "unmentionables" drawer. I'll pass!)

The Peppermint (not yet available on the Babeland site) and the Cinnamon Vanilla sound more promising, although they still have to overcome the medicinal taste of aloe, which is a primary ingredient.

As for the lubricant itself, it was gloopier than other water-based products, probably due to the agar. Agar is a gelantinous seaweed derivative that is also used as a laxative and a thickener for soups. (See above re innovation and multiple uses for the same substances.) But, it was satisfactorily slippery through a rather lengthy activity, and cleanup was a breeze. I did not use it internally, however, because it contains glucose. While the benzoic acid is a preservative, I didn't see any reason to invite a yeast infection by putting sugar in my snatch.

One bonus: the aloe left me feeling very, very soft and silky in a place that is very, very soft and silky to begin with. I think this product would make a damned fine massage gel. I'd only use it again for sex if the taste factor wasn't going to *ahem* come into play.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Make your lubricant the flower-infused, healing Good Clean Love—even if your sex is down and dirty! Real herbs and flowers—like cinnamon sticks and whole rosebuds—combine with aloe for a slippery, skin-friendly experience. Try tasty Cinnamon Vanilla or non-irritating Lavender Rose.

• Size: 4 ounces
• Formula Base: Water
• Ingredients/Cinnamon Vanilla: Deionized Water, Agar, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Xanthan Gum, Cinnamomum Cassia Bark, Vanilla Planifolia Fruit, Vegetable Glycerin, Glucose, Lactoperoxidase, Oxidase Glucose, Benzoic Acid
• Ingredients/Lavendar Rose: Deionized Water, Agar, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Xanthan Gum, Lavandula Angustifolia (Lavendar), Rosa Damascena Flower, Glucose, Lactoperoxidase, Vegetable Glycerin, Glucose Oxidase, Benzoic Acid

Skindecent Elite Massage Candle

Knowing my penchant for peppermint, a very dear friend with a serious fetish for bath products gave me this Skindecent Elite Massage Candle to review. While not a "sex toy" per se, it is definitely a sensory indulgence.

A massage candle, you say? Does not compute. We're not talking about wax play here. We're talking about touch, about massage. While there is beeswax in this candle, it also contains soy oil and shea butter -- both of which are wonderful emollients. I thought the wax would leave a heavy film on my skin, but it really didn't. Yes, I could tell there was a thin layer there, but it just seemed to lock in the softness -- which is a definitely plus during the chapped skin season.

My candle was scented with peppermint/spearmint essential oils. When ordering, however, you can specify the desired fragrance. There are hundreds from which to choose. You can smell like a flower or like a decadent dessert or like a designer perfume. Personally, I prefer to smell like something edible.

Simply light the candle, and when it softens, scoop a little into your palm and rub on the body part in need of relaxation. (Note: I'm very sensitized to oils like peppermint and cinnamon. It you're not, do not put this on delicate tissue -- like labia. I don't recommend its use internally at all. This is NOT a lubricant for anything other than external massage.)

It felt absolutely divine while being rubbed into my skin. My masseuse said that he felt it went from too-hot liquid to too-solid too quickly, but I sure didn't notice that. The heat of the melted wax & oils worked a long day's stress from my back, and the tingle-chill of the mints provided a delicious contrast. The scent cleared my head, and I was blissfully off to sleep.

I feared the residue would leave a greasy stain on the sheets, but there was no evidence of such in the morning. My back, however, still felt wonderfully smooth and soft. Being the skin slut that I am, I'll definitely be checking out Skindecent's other products.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Dynamic Duo

A Toys for Tarts guest review:

From the first sight, I knew this wasn’t just an ordinary bullet duo. It’s cool green clear plastic controller with the two silver bullets has one thinking “alien probes” and all the fun those thoughts inspire. Loading up the toy with batteries, I dialed on the controller and the bullet leaped to command, a fun powerful vibration which had it dancing across my hand, bed and my partner’s chest. It sent a shiver of excitement through me as my partner dangled the bullet by the cord and watched it dance around my nipples. He then had the other sliding down to my pussy and had me squirming all over from the powerful vibrations. With one in my pussy and one swirling around my nipples, I was soon moaning in pleasure. The controller goes from a powerful vibe to a clit numbing sensation. The dial controls don’t give you a pulse option but the power is there to stimulate. This isn't a device you can use to wear to the office because the buzzing could have someone wondering what is happening.

~ One Lusty Wench

Here's what Babeland has to say about the Dynamic Duo:

Fighting with your partner over who gets to go first? Can’t decide whether you like a throbbing pulse or a rapid buzz? The Dynamic Duo swoops in and saves the day: separate variable-speed control dials mean you can tickle two erogenous zones at the same time, thrill to two different levels of sensation, or get off at the same time as your partner. And separate jacks mean the 37-1/2” cords stretch further, making it even easier to hit just the right spots.

• Size: Bullet: 2-1/4” x 1” controller: 3” x 5”
• Material: Silver plastic
• Batteries: Four AA

Butterfly Blogging

Several sex toy vendors are picking up the fundraising ball dropped by EdenFantasys and sponsoring benefits of some sort for Butterfly Temptress, who is battling cervical cancer. One of our absolute favorite stores, Babeland, is on board in a big way.

Toys for Tarts is one of several review sites that has agreed to donate its December Babeland affiliate revenues to the Butterfly Temptress to help defray her medical expenses. So, please do your holiday toy shopping through our links or the links of the other participants!

In addition, on January 1st, Toys for Tarts will have a drawing for the winner's choice of one of the following Babeland products:

• Elastomer Rabbit Habit Vibrator
  A new edition of the Vibratex Rabbit vibrator that was made famous on Sex and the City!
  We’re thrilled to be able to offer this latex-free edition of Vibratex’s famous Rabbit Habit vibrator. Functionally similar to the original Rabbit Habit, this model is sheathed in 100% premium Elastomer, a high-quality material that is both latex and phthalate free but still incredibly soft. The vibrating bunny portion of this model's updated design is angled closer to the shaft for more direct clit contact, and the famous pearls have been redesigned to rotate more consistently than the tumbling pearls of the original. While the glittery lavender shaft twirls for G-spot stimulation, the rabbit ears flutter along the clitoris and the "pearls" stimulate the sensitive opening of the vagina. Separate variable speed controls power each of the two components. The elastomer version of the classic Rabbit Habit is one of the Babeland All Stars!
  
  
• Pink Kink Kit
  Bondage beginner? You’ll find sugar and spice and everything naughty in our super-sexy, non-intimidating Pink Kink Kit, making bondage affordable, fashionable and very appealing. An innocent pink mesh bag holds a heart-emblazoned, comfortable leather blindfold, an adorable pink leather 11” whip with a teasing sting, and a snap-to-fit leather collar that reads SEXY (as if it weren’t obvious!). The blindfold is held in place with a comfortable, adjustable elastic band, and the whip includes a D-ring so you can dangle it anywhere. Pink and White leather. Comes in a reusable see-through gift bag.
  
  
• I Rub My Ducky
  Why won't Ernie get out of the bath? He's got the I Rub My Duckie vibrator! This floating friend's got more than just sweet blue eyes and an irresistible smile. Give Duckie a squeeze and suddenly you've got a vibrating pleasure pal who makes bath time lots more fun. Round head, pointed tail and nubby beak offer a variety of contact textures to choose from. Waterproof Duckie's vibrations are nearly silent, too, so he's discreet as he is adorable. Made of latex-free and phthalate-free PVC. Now has three modes of vibration!

To enter, simply make any purchase from Babeland between now & December 31, 2008 (midnight ET) and forward a copy of your order confirmation email to toys-for-tarts [at] eroticanthology [dot] com -- OR -- write a review (500 words minimum) of any Babeland product to be posted here on the Toys for Tarts blog & email it to toys-for-tarts [at] eroticanthology [dot] com.

peace & passion ... and Happy Holidays to y'all from the Toys for Tarts review team!

~ Alessia

Man's Ruin

When I ordered this DVD, I expected something different, and I sure as hell got it. This has to be the strangest porn flick I've ever seen. The title makes no sense whatsoever, since no one but the damsel in unconvincing distress is facing ruin -- lest you count all our immortal porn-consuming souls, I suppose.

Does it have a plot? Well, yeah. The protagonist -- played by Melodie Gore -- is sucked into a video game where she must rescue Go-Go from sexual torture (a la fucking machine wielded by a muttering dominatrix with a riding crop and a shock wand). In the process, she travels through five game venues featuring different sexual scenarios: a M/F medical-shaving-foot fetish scene with a semen-collecting squid (I kid you not); a disturbingly vanilla M/F tryst in "Satan's" lair; a F/F and F/F/F scene in a 70s nightclub that proved to be the most titillating (no pun intended) of the five, perhaps because it left the smeared lipstick & mascara "ravaged" look of the prior two scenes behind; an utterly forgettable M/F fuck that started out interestingly enough (with the woman in bridle and prancing like a pony) and ended with the typical cum-on-the-tramp-stamp money shot; and the finale F/F sadism in which Go-Go is smacked around, shocked, and motor-skewered by a modest-sized dildo until our heroine arrives to "save" her by simply... well, showing up. As damsels in distress go, Princess Toadstool had more spunk. Go-Go is a quivering, whimpering pile of skin & bones that evoked no sympathy from this viewer beyond wanting to provide her with a blanket and a sandwich.

Piercings and tattoos abound. The women are all attractive, but far from perfect (which is a plus in my book). The men have impressive physiques, but I commented on their muscular legs & abs more often than their equipment. Satan, especially, was a hard-working stud who looked rather fine when beaded with sweat.

The film aims for artsy with non-traditional music, strange lighting, heavy anime influences, and funky camera angles, but hits the humorous mark more often. (I mean, how often do corn dogs appear in porn flicks? Seriously.) If you want something to wank to, look elsewhere. If you want a few belly laughs, some odd (but far from extreme, once you excuse the squid) fetish play, and extreme close-ups of P-V penetration (no P-A) that go on and on and yawn, look no further. This is your flick.

When all was said and done, my partner -- who is a serious DVD collector -- said, "Who can we give this to?" I suppose, someday, it could become a cult classic, but until then, it's simply a novelty item.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland, who graciously provided the DVD for review, has to say:

Man's Ruin is an adult DVD for the porn specialist who is looking for a multi-player, multi-level game that's easy to beat, and beat off to! OK, so it's not really a video game, but it sure plays like one! Man's Ruin is a cinematic super-charged world of sexual deviancy, fetishism, and perversions--with alt porn star Melodie Gore as a superstar hero on a mission laden with sexual obstacles like tattooed ladies, hard cocks, and bondage devices. From front to back, you'll find Man's Ruin a fully artistic and explicit kinky film, complete with medical play, all-girl threesomes, sex and submission, and high-end fetish domination. Get out your joysticks!

• Company: Vivid
• Released: 2007
• Length: 113 minutes
• Director: Winkytiki
• Noteworthy Stars: Stoya, Justine Joli, Claire Adams

Hitachi Magic Wand

Heaven. Absolute heaven.

It's been my pleasure to review the Hitachi Magic Wand.

When I first removed the toy from the box, I was surprised at the seemingly innocent appearance and at the solid weight of the product. No cheap issue, this. It is in fact a marvelous deep muscle massager, easily able to deliver powerful but soothing vibrations to the entire body. The wand guarantees a relaxed recipient, whether you've been driving a moving van for thirty hours or building sets for a middle school play.

Phthalate free, it's a foot long instrument, twelve solid phallic-shaped inches loaded with teeth-clenching vibrations. The head is soft and flexible and measures 7 ½ inches around, slightly smaller than a tennis ball. There is a six foot power cord, 110-120 volts, with two settings. It is the strongest vibrator I've ever used.

After plugging it in and turning it to the highest setting, I applied the wand to the back of my neck, and then slipped it down between my shoulder blades. The relief was immediate, and it felt as if my entire body unclenched. I followed this up by testing it on my calves, my thighs, and even the soles of my feet. The vibrations tickled my feet but my leg muscles sighed with pleasure.

Undaunted and intrigued, and with growing sexual thoughts, I placed the buzzing head directly against my tender nipples. Zing! It was startling but absolutely amazing. I would have thought that the vibrations were too powerful to be enjoyed sexually but as it turns out, I was quite mistaken.

With a grin I centered the vibrating tool against my jean-clad crotch. Wow. The pleasurable sensations were acute and quickly traveled from navel to kneecaps. Thinking I should begin this sort of play at the lower setting I tried to turn the wand down. That's when I realized it was already on the lowest setting. It could only go higher. So I turned it up.

That was quickly followed by a bone-rattling, chair-gripping, seeing stars climax. Wow. It was a good thing no one else was home at the time.

Well, since the first test was such a success, ahem, my next thoughts were about variety and further experimentation. So, later that night my partner and I took the wand from the living room to the bedroom.

We started with teasing and body massage techniques. He loved it as much as I did and the groans from muscle relaxation soon gave way to sexual moans and sighs. It was certainly not too powerful on my sensitive bits, especially after arousal, but I can see where direct application may be too much for some.

We tried different positions and variations, but eventually settled for the tried and true rear entry. I held the wand easily in one hand, pressed it to myself and once we were engaged my partner felt the vibrations nearly as forcefully as I did. He is now a serious fan of vibrating toys.

We've since discovered there is an attachment that can be purchased for the wand called the Gee Whiz. It snaps on and allows users to focus on clitoris or G-spot. Delicious.

The Hitachi Magic Wand is an orgasm producer, no question. And as a matter of fact, our wand is still plugged in.

I highly recommend it and look forward to further playtime, I mean, experimentation.

~ Sarah Rose

Here's what Babeland, who graciously provided the product for review, had to say:

Known as "the Cadillac of Vibrators" and perhaps the world's most popular vibrating sex toy. Similar in look and feel to the Acuvibe, its strong vibration makes it an unfailing friend in masturbation, and its symmetrical shape makes it a natural for partnered, face-to-face fun. For penetration options, check out the Gee Whiz and the Deluxe G-spotter attachments. Runs on 110v power, cord is 6'1". Two speeds, spongy head; or replace with Off With Your Head. Hitachi is one of the Babeland All Stars!

This item cannot be shipped outside of North America.

• Size: 12"; head: 2-1/2" diameter
• Material: Vinyl and hard plastic
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Electric

Maverick

It is always a delight to make new acquaintances, and when one's friends get along famously, it can be very satisfying. Very. Satisfying. Maverick, the nubby, stretchy, reversible elastomer sleeve, took a shining to Woody, the suction-based glittery silver silicone dick as if they were meant to be together in some sort of erotic reproduction of Toy Story.

This is one versatile product! The fellas can use it with the nubbies on the inside -- slathered with lube -- while the ladies can turn it inside out and slip it on their fellas or their favorite toy for a little extra nubby goodness, either harnessed or hand-held. Nevermind that it looks like a curling iron attachment. It doesn't FEEL like one, and that's what counts.

Elastomer is a slightly porous, phthalate-free material that cannot be completely disinfected, so this product is not recommended for anal play. Wash with warm, soapy, anti-bacterial soap and stretch it around a lint-free towel to thoroughly dry the inside. Then, invert and store nubby-side out, since all those bumps could harbor moisture.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

After a long day’s work, come home and slip into something more comfortable—the tantalizing Maverick penis sleeve. The cushy, soft elastomer sleeve fits snugly on virtually anyone, while nubby tendrils lining the inside stroke every inch of your cock. And though it’s not what the Maverick was designed for, we liked turning it inside out—so the nubbies face out—and letting our partners enjoy extra stimulation during vaginal penetration. Blue elastomer. One stretchy size.

Bondage Tape

He said:

Man… This stuff can be used for a blindfold, bindings or a leash. Roll some of it up and tuck in your pocket for those unexpected public bondage opportunities. It really doesn't yank her hair or rip her skin, making it great for those times when you have that urge to tie her down and don't want to necessarily be nice about it. You can just tape her down and go to it. The thing I like best is that it seems to grip tighter the more she struggles! Gotta love that. And there's no pain when it's time to come off. You peel it off and roll it up to use again later.

She said:

Oh. My. God. This stuff is fantastic…. Finally a product that lives up to it promise. The pretty packaging says, "Wrap your lover up tonight. It’s bound to please you both." And it's most surely true. It doesn’' pull out your hair, stick to your belly button ring or tear your expensive thigh highs. I love the way it looks, too. The shiny black tape is so sexy against my skin.

The bottom line: The Fetish Fantasy Series, Pleasure Tape by Pipedream Products was exactly what the package promised it to be. How often can you say that these days? This stuff will become a favorite in the toy bag. There are much more elaborate ways to bind someone, but this tape works well, and looks good while it's doing it.

This product is highly recommended for those that are just starting to play with bondage as well as the experienced bondage lover. Its versatility would make it a very fun addition to almost any couples' sex life. Anyone can have fun with this tape.

~ Mari Freeman
marifreeman.com

~ ~ ~

Here's what Babeland had to say:

Bondage tape is a bondage enthusiast's dream! One roll contains 65' of reusable, uncoated 2" wide tape. It bonds, blindfolds, gags, and restrains using a unique self-cling property--no sticky glue! Easily and painlessly removed, it won't even stick to hair. Lightweight, quick, easy to use, and aesthetically pleasing in red or black, it's a must-have for your toy box no matter what level of play you are into. Bondage tape is also great for those on a budget, or who don't want to mess around with heavy equipment.

HALLOWEEN SALE

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We-vibe

There are so many ways this little, purple pleaser can be used that a conscientious toy reviewer could spend months trying (and re-trying) them in order to present the intrepid, orgasm-seeking consumer with a comprehensive evaluation. Eventually, however, the review simply must be written so that the products piling up in the corner, patiently awaiting their turn, can have their chance at my... well, you know.

If Toys for Tarts' review doesn't answer all your burning questions, please leave a comment. We'll do our bestest to answer or at least point you in the direction of the answer. Realize, of course, that any questions might result in this reviewer disappearing for days (or weeks) in order to thoroughly research *ahem* the answer. There are also other reviews--out there in the jungles of cyberspace--to peruse. Clean Sheets, for example, posted his-n-hers critiques.

Okay, so it looks like a cross between new-age salad tongs and a mouth guard. (I like funky stuff.) What you can't tell from the photographs (and the We-vibe website has lots of them from all angles) is that its surface is SOFT and that its neck is really flexible.

The We-vibe is primarily designed to be used during penetrative vaginal sex--be that with human or inanimate object or some combination of the two. The (slightly) smaller end is inserted, while the larger end rests against the clitoris. It stays put quite well in all positions tested--especially missionary & on all fours--even with lots of lubrication (be it the natural variety or the type that comes from the industrial-sized pump dispenser on your nightstand). [REMINDER: Don't use silicone lubes with silicone toys.] Takes a We-bit (*snerk* Aren't I punny?) more coordination when on top, but once you put your quarter in the slot and your bronco starts bucking, you're good for the duration of the ride.

It's rechargeable, which means that even though it's purple (visually), it's green (environmentally). That purple is like a thick, silicone wet suit (appropriately) for the moving parts. Two vibrating nodes. One in each end. Two stronger-than-typical-bullet-vibe, quieter-than-typical-bullet-vibe nodes.

The single, 3-position, high-off-low toggle switch (which controls both ends) is hidden beneath that sheath, too. There are just a couple, cute little dimples on the clit end to indicate its location. You have to feel around for it, but--just like you have to feel around for a g-spot--you'll know when you find it. Trust me.

Same for the power jack. Another dimple, just below the power dimples. A tiny slit of a nose to their rounder eyes. At first I was hesitant to "pierce" the purple with the plug, but it plunged right in there and sealed right back up when withdrawn. Nifty!

The instructions say it cannot be overcharged and recommend keeping it plugged in so it'll have a full charge whenever you're ready to play. In testing, a single charge lasted long enough to accomplish its mission in three separate, lengthy experiments before showing any signs of fatigue. (That's more than I can say for most partners I've known.)

The storage case looks so much like a typical eyeglass case in size and shape that no one would give it a second glance if you left it on your kitchen counter--not that I expect to be using it in the kitchen, mind you. (On second thought, my kitchen island does look rather inviting.)

So, in the final analysis, is this purple pleasure puppy worth its hefty price tag? Yeah, I think so. If you give it a try, please let us know what YOU think!

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

~ ~ ~

Here's what EdenFantasys has to say:

This unique discreet vibrator is crafted in premium silicone and designed for hands-free pleasure. Rechargeable and phthalate-free, the body friendly material and powerful vibrations will arouse and delight.

Two vibrating nodes purr simultaneously at low or high speed on each end of this sex toy. The We-vibe has a compact body about the size of a playing card, with ribbed textures on the inside to stimulate. The tip with the control button in it rests on the clitoris, while the thinner tip slides inside the vagina to massage the G-spot.br>
A thin jack simply slides into a small hole in the front to recharge the We-vibe. Two dimples beside the charging port accent the internal power switch, which can be moved left for high speed and right for low. High speed is moderately quiet, while low speed is very quiet, making this a great toy for a little discreet fun.br>
Your We-vibe unit comes with a black and purple hinged case and a charging plug. It should be used only with water based lubricants, and can not be submerged in water. Only the thinner tip should be inserted.

• Type: G-spot and clitoral vibrator
• Texture: Ribbed
• Control type: Power switch
• Clitoral attachment shape: Other
• Functions: Vibrating
• Safety features: Non-porous / Phthalates free
• Powered By: Rechargeable
• Material: Silicone
• Color: Purple
• Length: 3"
• Insertable length: 3"
• Circumference: 3"
• Diameter: 1"
• Weight: 0.1 lb
• Special Features: Multispeed

Buzz 1

Sometimes, amidst all the high-tech orgasmic gadgetry, you just want something sleek and simple. Something that doesn't require mental gymnastics to decipher. Something that cannot be confused with a marine mammal or a pair of miniature purple salad tongs (tongs for which a Toys for Tarts review is coming soon, by the way). Something that won't make your boyfriend's eyes pop out when you slip it into your harness.

Enter *ahem* Buzz 1. This utilitarian, silicone shaft by Tantus, makers of the Feeldoe, is elegant in its functional simplicity--much like the organ after which it was patterned (albeit in a funner color). Available in purple (which is, like, mandatory for today's objet d'fuck), black (which is incredibly sexy in a black leather Jaguar harness), and pink (for MaryKay sales reps).

This product, to my jaded way of thinking, is not a solo toy--like the Hitachi, for example. By that, I mean that using it--and it alone--is like having a scoop of plain vanilla ice cream. Undoubtedly good, but not quite enough to satisfy. It needs something to accentuate its deliciousness. Like a harness. A harness that puts that delightful little bullet vibe in contact with your clit while the smoooooooth shaft glides in and out of your partner. Or, perhaps, if playing alone, a pair of vibrating nipple clamps.

I recommend that every arsenal consist of a basic model like the Buzz 1. Shop around online, though. Prices at the sites I checked varied by as much as $15. And don't forget to pick up the coupon codes we've collected to save a few bucks.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland, who graciously provided the product, has to say:

Smooth, bright and penetrating, this is the family of vibrating silicone dildos our customers have been asking for! Forget about ungainly battery packs, the Buzz 1 comes with a small Zippy Vibe that nestles in the base of the dildo and generates sweet vibration. Great for those looking for a shorter strap-on dildo, this modest sized dildo with semi-realistic head is harness compatible with a 1-1/2" O-ring. Color may vary. Please refer to our return policy for this product.

• Size: 6" x 1-1/4"
• Material: Silicone
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Three watch batteries (included)

The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys

Regardless where the toy market takes us or when/if the multitude of website addresses in this book become obsolete, good advice is good advice. The most important information in this book (on safety, communication, imagination) will stand the test of time. It starts out slowly--with tips on introducing sex toys into a relationship--so as not to overwhelm a true beginner. However, by the time readers reach the end of the book, with its chapters on sex machines and alien probes, their own kinks probably seem quite vanilla in comparison--and that is this book's subtle gift. Kudos to Ms. Blue! After all, the sex machine aficionados are clearly not this book's target audience. They're well past it on the kink-o-meter. Including information about the wilder devices and contraptions gives the nervous novice a big boost of confidence by saying without saying: "You just want to peg your boyfriend? Pffft! That's nothing. What are you waiting for?"

The book is quite comprehensive in its coverage of toys--from standard vibrators and dildos to harnesses to webcams and teledildonics to pain play to sex furniture.

The author's smooth narrative makes for an enjoyable read. I laughed out loud at a couple clever turns of phrase. And, yes, I did learn a thing or two.

Until next time,

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Turn up the volume on sex, creativity, and orgasmic potential with Violet Blue’s invigorating Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys. You’ll find info on choosing and using toys, introducing your ‘adventurous’ toy choices to a not-so-adventurous partner, and tips for using toys as a couple, all presented with Blue’s characteristic dry humor. From blindfolds to threesomes, webcams to steel cage dining room tables, your taste for adventure and sexual appetite are sure to be satisfied.

• Binding Style: Paperback
• Type: Sex Information/How-To
• Number of Pages: 288
• Copyright: 2006

SaSi

Sex toys just keep getting better and better, and Je Joue's SaSi is top-of-the-line luxury. It's the Lamborghini of non-human clitoral stimulation, combining vibration with a tongue-like "nub" that remembers what you like.

EdenFantasys says:

According to studies some women more likely get aroused from massaging finger-like motion than from vibration. SaSi is a new approach to female pleasure that implement motion instead of plain vibration.

• Massaging ball enveloped in soft silicone makes circle movements over desired area imitating finger movements.

• Massager delivers 11 motion patterns, which can be arranged in the sequence you like.

• Motion and vibration speeds can be increased. You can program SaSi entering your favorite patterns in its memory.

• SaSi is rechargeable. The full charge takes 45 minutes and lasts 1 hour 15 minutes.

• SaSi comes with charger, 4 adapters for USA, EU, Australia and UK, storage bag and instructional booklet.

• We strongly recommend reading instructions prior first use to learn about SaSi's abilities and enjoy this wonderful product at its fullest.

And Babeland says:

Just like a real partner, SaSi vibrator is capable of giving a different experience every time, and like a good partner, it will learn and remember the movements you like best. A smooth, rounded massage head undulates under a thin, silky cover, creating a soft kneading sensation that can be completely customized by adjusting movement type, speed, and vibration. SaSi is loaded with "Sensual Intelligence" which enables you to program the vibrator’s motions. Tailoring an experience just for you, it learns what you like and what you don’t like and remembers it for future enjoyment. Plus, the SaSi is a comfortable, portable size; made of water-resistant silicone, and rechargeable.

Babeland offers this video on YouTube:

Until next time,

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Pleasure Tops

Undoubtedly hoping to capture some of the more frugal shoppers coveting the more expensive (and, apparently, much more effective) Cone, this Doc Johnson product leaves a lot to be desired. I do applaud the manufacturer's move toward phthalate-free products with this silicone toy, though.

It's cute and soft and pink, and it certainly sounded as if it would deliver a nice vibration from its two AAA batteries, but the tactile reality didn't live up to its auditory promise.

While I could straddle it without difficulty, I'm very flexible. If you can't do a side split comfortably, don't purchase this toy intending to lower yourself onto it like you're riding a partner. You'll be seriously disappointed. Invest a bit more in a Rock Chick or suction a Woody to one of those big exercise balls if you want to ride. Those toys offer greater flexibility. There's just not a helluva lot of options with this little pink puppy.

However, if you're limber and can get off easily with an average bullet vibe, this might be a good choice for you.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Straddle the cone-shaped body of the Pleasure Top vibe and your hands are free to seek other pleasures! Slide down the shaft—the lower you go, the greater the pressure and sensation from two vibrators located in the shaft and spout, allowing you to build depth, width, vibration sensation and pressure on the clit or perineum. Tilt toward the spout for maximum effect or try it on your back or belly first in order to discover how your body responds best. The Pleasure Tops is waterproof, phthalate-free and cushy enough to respond to a PC squeeze. Both vibrators controlled by one multi-speed dial.

• Size: 2-1/2” x 1-1/5”
• Material: Silicone

Delight

My partner took one look at this cordless, rechargeable, silicone & plastic Fun Factory product and dubbed it Shamu. And judging from the--Wait for it!--whale of a good time I had testing it, I'd have to agree. Shamu, it is.

The fact that I got all hot & bothered merely doing a Google image search for a picture of its namesake is an indicator of this toy's effectiveness. I now have a fetish for marine mammals thanks to this product. It is--by far--the most effective dual-stimulating g-spot/clitoral vibrator I've tested TO DATE. (Yes, toy vendors/manufacturers, that IS a gauntlet.)

The design is ingenious, the curves perfectly formed. Every push pulls and every pull pushes. It's like an orgasmic teeter-totter without the splinters.

The storage case/charger is discreet enough to leave on your nightstand (or coffee table) without drawing attention. The toy itself is very aesthetically pleasing, and if your toddler happens to snatch (no pun intended) it and plunk it on the dinner table along with GI John and Caribou Barbie, no one will bat an eyelash.

The controls--lit by glowing red LEDs--are easily visible in the dark and positioned such that they're readily accessible without being prone to inadvertent change. There are multiple levels of vibration. I counted 9 levels of steady vibrations and 3 pulsing speeds, and it's relatively quiet-ish. I really couldn't hear it over my whale-song modulating moaning. *eep* I noticed no power loss during a prolonged dive, either.

I believe I just had a mini-gasm simply thinking about this toy in conjunction with anal sex. Yeah, it's expensive... but, great-killer-marine-mammals Batman!, it's worth every wet cent.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Invite Delight into your bedroom, with this beautifully-sculpted new vibrator. Designed to please the body as well as the eyes, the Delight practically guides itself to your favorite pleasure points, surrounding your G-spot or clitoris with powerful sensations. The Delight recharges easily while sitting in its Babeland-branded carrying case, and is available in three gorgeous colors. From the makers of our bestselling line of silicone vibrators, this Fun Factory toy also features 32 different vibration options, plus an ultra-ergonomic handle. Water-resistant. Constructed of water-resistant plastic and silicone. Delight is one of the Babeland All Stars! Please refer to our return policy for this product.

• Size: 4" x 1-3/4" (insertable)
• Material: Silicone and plastic
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Recharges in case

And here's what the manufacturer's website reveals:

With »Delight« you will enter a new universe of lust!

This new vibrator combines exterior stimulation with simultaneous insertable function.

It is convincing, not only due to its breathtaking looks, but also because it combines precious elegance with fabulous functionality.

The small and estethic sculpture comes with a slightly bent tip for G-Spot stimulation. A little knob that is placed on the silicone part of »Delight« will – intensified with vibration - excite for extra pleasures.

1. The curl is held with two fingers.
2. Illuminated controls are easy to operate with one's thumb.
3. An extra bump stimulates clitoris
4. Made from 100% medical grade silicone, hook tickles the G-Spot.
5. Sides made from smooth, shiny, skin-friendly plastic.
6. Carrying case: Is both a travel box and recharger.

Leather Hood with Zip Eyes and Mouth

You gotta check out Snarling Misanthrope's review of this product posted on the Eden Fantasys site. It's both informative and hilarious. A snippet, for example:

DURABILITY. It seems to be fairly sturdy. Through the course of testing, it has thus far stood up admirably to the following activities:

• groveling
• kneeling
• begging
• coitus
• ass-coitus
• omelet-making

Enjoy!

~ Alessia

Fetish Fleamarket

I had fun yesterday at The Crucible's Leather Fleamarket & Play Party 17 in DC. From 11am 'til 6pm, I sold books & schmoozed ... and shopped! I didn't stay for the play party ('cause I had a 4-hour drive ahead of me), but from the demonstrations on the exhibit floor, it was shaping up to be a verrrrrrry intriguing event.


The vendors were super nice. I picked up a very pretty deer hide flogger from DeTailsToys along with a couple other trinkets.

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

PSA: Toxic Toys

I've had this post languishing in draft for many months, unmotivated to publish it primarily because the information is already available from numerous other sources. These days, every respectable online sex toy vendor has at least one page dedicated to information about the composition of the products it sells. For example, Babeland's starts here. A quick Google search produces a plethora of hits. I've posted the link to Violet Blue's most excellent article before, and I'm sure I will again. Wikipedia has an entry here.

But something happened last night that made me go Ewwww! and I think it only serves to emphasize all the warnings floating around about what's in some of the cheaper products folks stick in their bodies.

Damned near every toy carries the instruction to store it "a cool, dry place" after proper cleaning. I mean, it's so common that it doesn't even register any more. Our eyes just pass over it, unseeing. However, being the meticulous person that I am (STOP LAUGHING!), I've always followed this advice. I don't store my sex toys in the refrigerator (unless I'm chilling my Njoy) or the oven or in a vat of disinfectant. I have a breathable--but lockable--storage drawer (a steel gun locker, actually) in which I keep my toys.

Anyway, I opened it last night to put away some recent acquisitions, and when I happened to touch one particular dildo, it was slimy. My first thought was that I had a lube spill somewhere. Nope. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that the toy itself was... oozing. Now, this was a large, jelly dong that I don't recall buying. I think maybe it came with a harness or something. Maybe I got it as a gift. That particular detail is lost in the recesses of my sex-addled memory. However, I do know I never used/tested it (because it was HUGE and I'm just not a size queen). It was stored in "a cool, dry place" and yet it was bleeding, leaking some unknown & presumably toxic substance.

I immediately tossed it in the trash, pausing only briefly to consider the environmental impact of its disposal. The thought of having that inside me made me sick to my stomach. When the nausea abated, I returned to my toy box and checked everything else. Fortunately, there were no other casualties.

In the coming weeks, I'm going to check each of the vendors with whom Toys for Tarts is affiliated. If I do not find a page on their site with information on materials and safety, I am going to contact them with a request that they create one. If, within a reasonable amount of time, they do not, I am going to sever the affiliation. Toys for Tarts will not support vendors (even if paid a pittance to do so) that knowingly put sales before safety. Readers are encouraged to comment here to share their related experiences with various vendors.

I will leave you with some simple advice:

1. Know the composition of the products you're using as well as how to safely use, clean, and store them.
2. If a vendor or manufacturer does not disclose the material from which a product is made, DON'T BUY IT.
3. If you are unsure about the composition of a product already in your arsenal, either replace it or use a safe barrier (such as a condom) when playing with it.
4. Pass this information along.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia