Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Good Clean Love

Good Clean Love This line of water-based lubricants touts itself as "all natural." Okay. What exactly does the word "natural" mean in this context? To me, "natural" means a substance that occurs in nature without the interference of a chemist and a laboratory. With an ingredients list that includes deonixed water, lactoperoxidase, glucose oxidase, and benzoic acid, I kinda doubt my definition applies. That leaves me wondering just how the word "natural" DOES apply to these ingredients. I mean, if a chemist in a laboratory is required, then damned near anything and everything made from ingredients found on our planet qualifies as natural, as well.

This line of products also claims to be 99.99% vegan. Now, do they really think that minuscule 0.01% will be insignificant to a vegan? A vegan! I mean, vegans are uber-sticklers for details. A person can't be "kinda vegan" any more than a woman can be "kinda pregnant." Vegans are the fundamentalist branch of the vegetarian family.

A selling point I can (and do) applaud is the "no animal products or animal testing." Huzzah!

Frankly, I've never put much thought into the chemical composition of lubricant other than ensuring that it's: (a) compatible with my toys, (b) suitable to the planned activity, and (c) safe with latex condoms.

Water-based lubricants are (unless color is added, of course) non-staining. They are also safe to use in any situation, although they will not be effective under water because (duh!) they become diluted in the water. They're also the most compatible with oral sex, because they are easily flavored and can avoid indigestible ingredients (like dimethicone).

The manufacturer's website says "90% of the OTC lubes available are made with chemicals designed first for cars or oven cleaner." Um, so what? Just because Tang was designed for the astronauts doesn't mean it's not drinkable. Okay, bad example... but you get the idea. Innovation is innovation, and finding new uses for existing things is just *grin* innovating.

The site also claims that "all of our lubricants are edible and delicious."

I received the "Almost Naked" flavor to review, which is not available on the Babeland site. While it may be "edible" in the sense that it won't kill you or make you hurl, it's FAR from "delicious." In fact, it's barely tolerable on the taste buds. If I went down on a partner--male or female--who'd been lubed with this product, I'd be unable to hang long enough to give or receive any satisfaction from the activity.

I can't imagine the Lavender Rose being any better. (Who wants to taste a Lavender Rose cock? Really? And a Lavender Rose pussy would be too much like the sachets that my grandmother used to keep in her "unmentionables" drawer. I'll pass!)

The Peppermint (not yet available on the Babeland site) and the Cinnamon Vanilla sound more promising, although they still have to overcome the medicinal taste of aloe, which is a primary ingredient.

As for the lubricant itself, it was gloopier than other water-based products, probably due to the agar. Agar is a gelantinous seaweed derivative that is also used as a laxative and a thickener for soups. (See above re innovation and multiple uses for the same substances.) But, it was satisfactorily slippery through a rather lengthy activity, and cleanup was a breeze. I did not use it internally, however, because it contains glucose. While the benzoic acid is a preservative, I didn't see any reason to invite a yeast infection by putting sugar in my snatch.

One bonus: the aloe left me feeling very, very soft and silky in a place that is very, very soft and silky to begin with. I think this product would make a damned fine massage gel. I'd only use it again for sex if the taste factor wasn't going to *ahem* come into play.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Make your lubricant the flower-infused, healing Good Clean Love—even if your sex is down and dirty! Real herbs and flowers—like cinnamon sticks and whole rosebuds—combine with aloe for a slippery, skin-friendly experience. Try tasty Cinnamon Vanilla or non-irritating Lavender Rose.

  • Size: 4 ounces
  • Formula Base: Water
  • Ingredients/Cinnamon Vanilla: Deionized Water, Agar, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Xanthan Gum, Cinnamomum Cassia Bark, Vanilla Planifolia Fruit, Vegetable Glycerin, Glucose, Lactoperoxidase, Oxidase Glucose, Benzoic Acid
  • Ingredients/Lavendar Rose: Deionized Water, Agar, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Xanthan Gum, Lavandula Angustifolia (Lavendar), Rosa Damascena Flower, Glucose, Lactoperoxidase, Vegetable Glycerin, Glucose Oxidase, Benzoic Acid

No comments:

Post a Comment