Bandito

I heart Fun Factory products. They're always a bit unusual, which appeals to the eclectic eroticist in me. Even when the product doesn't really work for me, I still admire its looks and the creativity behind its design. I especially like that Fun Factory doesn't insist upon making a dildo look precisely like a penis. While the male organ is delightful in so many ways, not all lesbians care to be reminded of such during sex. Fun Factory makes dicks that aren't exactly like dicks for chicks that like un-dick-like dicks. Take Bandito, for example. Sure, the silicone dildo is phallic. It's undoubtedly intended for very dick-like uses. However, it's also intriguingly un-dick-like in a futuristic kinda sci-fi tentacle way. I think artistic sex toys are just damned spiffy.

And, even if one is enamored of the male organ, which--I'll readily admit--I am, that's not to say that it's not enjoyable to have a little added up-curve to one's silicone shaft. Or, if you happen to be pegging, to spin that sucker around in the harness and make the up-curve into a down-curve to better hit the p-spot. Just can't DO that with a real dick, y'know. Well, you could spin the whole guy around, but we're not talking about zero-gravity sex... yet.

Last week, I reviewed a similar product: Vixen Creations' Woody. It's the glittery, more dick-like faux dick over there on the right. As you can see, both have the concave base that serves to suction the dildo to any smooth surface. I had to fidget with Bandito a bit to get it firmly affixed, but neither product lost its grip on my shower wall until I pried it loose after the hot water ran out.

The angle of the photo makes it look as if Bandito is larger, but in reality, Woody is slightly longer and slightly thicker. The only difference I could feel, though, was Bandito's yummy extra up-curve. Both got the job done in roughly the same amount of time. (I don't keep a stopwatch handy when toy testing, sorry.)

Like Woody, Bandito fits my favorite harness beautifully. As singles go, these comparably-priced toys are both solo and strap-on winners.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Eden Fantasys, who graciously provided the Bandito for review, says:

Indulge in silicone fantasy with this artistically designed dildo. Swirling patterns are raised from the surface, giving a dual-texture feel to this pliable sensual toy.

Curved in a gentle arc, the design helps stimulate the G-spot with its smooth tip. A unique three-lobed base is ideal for harness play, and sits very comfortably in the hand for thrusting when used on a partner. A concave shape on the bottom gives it a suction-cup quality for solo play.

Made of soft 100% silicone, the Bandito can be fully sterilized by boiling in water for a few minutes, or a quick soak in a 10% bleach solution. Silicone warms to body temperature, is hygienic, and perfect for those with sensitivity to materials like jelly.

• Product code: FUN24308
• Type: Strap-on dildo
• Texture: Swirled
• Care and cleaning: Dishwasher safe/Boilable/Bleachable
• Safety features: Non-porous/Phthalates free/Hypo-allergenic/Latex free
• Harness compatibility: O-ring compatible
• Material: Silicone
• Length: 6 1/2"
• Insertable length: 5 1/2"
• Circumference: 4 1/2"
• Diameter: 1 1/2"
• Weight: 1 lb
• Special Features: Waterproof, Harness compatible, Flared base

Pinwheel with Sheath

No, it's not a miniature pizza cutter. It's a delightfully intriguing implement for sensation or pain play. Yes, those points are sharp. Yes, they could puncture the skin if enough pressure was applied. With light pressure, however, they almost tickle -- and I'm not ticklish. With medium pressure, a trail of indentations temporarily dot the skin. Playfully write your name on your lover's back -- or deliver some wicked teasing to nipples or other pink parts.

Use safely, sanely, and consensually. And, as with any product which may pierce the skin, sterilize before use. A stainless steel implement can be sterilized with rubbing alcohol, Betadine, or chlorhexidine if you don't happen to have an autoclave handy.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Sensuous or stern, you'll get your partner purring (or squealing) in no time when you run the steely bright pinwheel over legs, arms, backs, and genitals! The gleaming twenty-two-point stainless steel wheel has stood the test of time as a perennial favorite with both BDSM players and those who prefer a lighter touch. This full body sensation toy, also known as the Wartenberg Wheel, was originally developed by neurologists to test dermal nerve response. Make them shiver with pleasure as you hold the gorgeous smooth handle at an angle, to avoid piercing the skin, and vary the speed and pressure as you roll the prickling wheel. Comes encased in a leather sheath.

Woody

From Vixen Creations, makers of the Nexus, comes this realistically-sized 100% silicone dildo. Now, the silvery glitter is not a common attribute of the part of the human male anatomy after which this product is patterned, but I think Woody wears it well. If a glittery dick isn't your thing, Woody also comes in black and vanilla. (Hey, at least it's not purple. What IS it with purple sex toys, anyway?)

I decided to introduce myself to Woody in the shower. Y'see, one of Woody's nifty little features is a concave base: a simple, but ingenious design element that allows Woody's base to function like a suction cup. A suction cup strong enough to stick to the wall of the shower through some vigorous action. Not that I'd know, of course. *wink*

But with Woody stuck to the wall, one's hands are free to... um... do other things, like... um... shampoo. Yeah, shampoo. And, if so inclined, to rinse ever-so-thoroughly with that lovely Moen hand-held shower massager. Ahem.

After the hot water ran out... erm, I mean, after I finished showering, I tested Woody in my Jaguar harness, which fits like they were made for one another. Red leather. Glittery dick. It's the new look for fall. All the rage. Can't wait to take 'em for a test drive.

At $60, Woody doesn't come cheap, but versatility, durability, safety, efficiency, and effectiveness make it well worth the expense. The glitter's just icing on that cake.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Who doesn't want a Woody? This guy may be average in size, but his performance is anything but. With a great head for G-spot lovin' and a shaft that's nicely proportioned, Woody looks and feels great. Black, vanilla, or glittery silver! Please refer to our return policy for this product.

• Size: 6-1/4" x 1-1/2"
• Material: Silicone

Door Jam Cuffs

From SportSheets, the makers of the Penetration Station reviewed here, comes this intriguing pair of restraints: Door Jam Cuffs. Yes, "Jam" should be "Jamb" -- and, technically, the jamb is the vertical part of a door's frame -- but I'm going to forgive the manufacturer's faux pas in favor of its products' functionality. Besides, "Door Lintel Cuffs" just doesn't sound as sexy.

I'm always wary of restraints from mainstream sex toy vendors, because... well... they're usually not serious gear. They're often more visually oriented and playful, but not truly effective for bondage.

This particular product has two components: the cuffs and the over-the-door straps to which the cuffs attach. The former are basically fluff. While quite comfortable, they are just not that sturdy. The soft fleece is wrapped with a 1" wide Velcro strap -- and Velcro's strength degrades over time. After a few uses, the wearer would be able to break free with a good yank.

The woven nylon door straps (with strong metal rings and clamps), however, are wonderful in their efficient functionality. Simply drape them over the top of the door and close it. Then, attach the cuffs to the straps and voilà! By substituting a sturdier pair of cuffs (like, for example, these), you'd have a secure restraint system that is effortless to install, even in the heat of the moment.

I'd recommend putting the cuff-side of the system on the INSIDE of the door if weight-bearing is planned, just to provide an added measure of safety. The door jamb would then carry some of the load and avoid undue stress on the latch or the door itself (many of which are hollow at their core).

At $30, it's a little on the steep side for what you're getting, but I still recommend the product for impromptu indulgence of your kinkier side.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Skip the home improvement! If you'd love to see your sweetie in standing bondage but you don't want to drill rivets into your wall, try portable, easy-to-use Door Jam Cuffs. Fleece bondage cuffs with Velcro closures attach to sturdy black nylon straps that fit over any door. Short plastic tubes keep the straps in place and won't damage the door. Simply slip the straps over or under your door, then close it. Clip the cuffs onto the straps and you're ready to play! Be sure to check the circulation in your playmate's hands and feet regularly during bondage play, especially if their arms are above their head. Strap length is 8"; cuffs are 2" wide.

Silicone Water Wand

A Toys for Tarts guest review:

This is a small, extremely quiet, classically-shaped vibrator. Four and a half inches long, two and a half inches in circumference with the jelly sheath on, it’s rather like a slightly enlarged, cordless bullet. It’s amazingly quiet, which is wonderful for use in the tub, where the water will magnify the slightest sound. For all its diminutive size, it packs quite a strong vibrational punch at its top speed.

The motor is surprisingly strong for one which takes only one AA battery, and of course, the fewer batteries we use, the more savings in both cash and for the environment! The ribbing on the sheath does add some extra zing when the vibe is inserted, and the head is small enough that the motor can make it vibrate along with the rest of the toy.

It’s as waterproof as advertised—despite some fairly extensive submersion, no water got in to the battery compartment. In addition, the jelly sheath fits tightly enough that no water got underneath it, which can be a pain come clean-up time. With the sheath on, the toy is wide enough to put the ribbed sheath in contact with all those lovely nerves in the first inch or so of the pussy. This is not a toy for stretching you out or going deep, but it’s a charming little bathtime accessory.

If I could change one thing about this toy, it would be the speed dial. It’s rather stiff even when dry and next to impossible to change speeds when both your hands and the toy are wet. I wound up removing it, grabbing it with a towel and cranking it up to high speed and then reinserting it, which is a bit of a mood-breaker. With a good waterproof or paperback book of erotica, however, this little vibe will assure a lot of wet fun!

~ Jamie Redmond

From the Babeland site:

Petite, powerful, and waterproof, the Silicone Water Wand is a compact, metallic purple vibrator that is perfect for fun both in and out of the water. The 100% silicone sleeve is removable and either part may be used together or separately.

• Size: 4" x 5/8" sleeve: 3-1/2" x 1"
• Material: Silicone and hard plastic
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: One AAA

...

The Bunny Book

A Toys for Tarts guest review:

The Bunny Book: How to Walk, Talk, Tease, and Please Like a Playboy Bunny

The Bunny Book is a how to guide written by three Playboy Bunnies - Deanna Brooks (Miss May 1998), Pennelope Jimenez (Miss March 2003) and Serria Tawan (Miss November of 2002)

"If you a fly gal get your nails done, get a pedicure, get your hair did!" Missy Elliott

If you're overweight, if you love oversized clothes and walking around in gym shoes, if you could care less what your hair or your nails looks like, if you'd rather watch TV than tease or please anybody - and you're proud of it - then you have no reason for this book.

However, for women like me who enjoy a fit body, who loves makeup and high heels, manicures and pedicures, who loves to flirt, who loves sexual excitement - this is the book for you. You may already know how to walk, talk, tease and please like a Playboy Bunny, but maybe you need a reminder. That's why I loved this book.

The book is broken down into six core sections - Dress, Walk, Flirt, Tease, Please and Love.

What are some of my favorite quotes from The Bunny Book?

From "Dress" - "If you want to go to places where they wouldn't let just anyone in, then you have to dress the part."

From "Walk" - "Walking like a Bunny isn't just a matter of crossing a room so that heads turn (when you want heads to turn, that is - sometimes you just want to get to the bathroom quickly and discreetly!). It's about the entire way you carry yourself, whether you're elegantly exiting a car, standing at the bar with a cocktail, or lounging on your couch with a hangover. And it all starts at the gym."

From "Flirt" - "If a guy really likes you, having sex or not having sex isn't going to change his mind. If he's only in it for the sex, he'll stick around for three whole months to bed you if you're playing hard to get - and he'll still leave you right after he gets what he was looking for!"

From "Tease" - "If you've never been to a female strip club, go. At least once. If you've got the nerve, get a lap dance. Strippers have mastered the art of seduction. And it's best to experience it first hand in order to replicate it. Then, go home and practice."

From "Please" - "In order to have a voice in bed, you need to masturbate. You need to know your body. You have to understand the what, where, and how of your turn-ons. If you haven't figured it out, how can you expect him to? How are you going to ask for what you want if you don't know what that is?"

From "Love" - "Yeah, we know you're supposed to take each other for better or worse, but that's meant to be a beautiful promise, not a loophole! Taking pride in the way you look shows respect for the guy you're with (he should do the same for you, by the way). Sure, he'd be an asshole for leaving you just because you gained a few pounds, but you can't expect to trade in your gym routine for a beer belly and Big Macs seven nights a week and still have him lust after you."

I highly recommend The Bunny Book for all the girly girls out there!

Jolie du Pre

Erotica author and editor

http://www.joliedupre.com

~ ~ ~

On sale now for just $14!

From the Babeland site:

Three Playboy Bunnies—one married, one a career woman and one a die-hard party girl—get together and dish up everything you need to know to work it like a centerfold. Impress a first date, walk in heels, look (and feel) great naked, groom your pubes, strip like a pro, and so much more. Sassy, sex-positive and a fun read from front to back, The Bunny Book also mentions Babeland and several of our favorite toys.

• Binding Style: Paperback
• Type: Sex Information/How-To
• Number of Pages: 191
• Copyright: 2007

This is so ludicrous that we just had to repost it. Apologies if it offends anyone's sensibilities. We've added our commentary in [brackets] ...

Overcoming Masturbation

Masturbation is a quickly-forming habit that can adversely affect both men and women of all ages. Despite what some might tell you, masturbation is not harmless. [On the contrary, masturbation is actually HELPFUL. It relieves stress and provides a burst of oxytocin (the nurturing/trust/bonding hormone). That safety valve may actually prevent sex-related violent crime. For women, the uterine contractions during orgasm help keep the endometrium healthy. Plus, masturbation is the safest form of sex known to humankind.] If you are trying to overcome masturbation, be assured that it is possible (even though, like any habit, it may take some work). If you are determined to do it, you will be able to. This page will give you some tips that can help you along the way.

Determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once. [Okay, they're trying to control the most powerful force in the universe here (the compulsion to procreate), and they're calling it a "problem." God complex, anyone?]

But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good for you. [Because, silly mortals, you can't possibly know what's good for you. You must be told!] It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind you will have the strength to resist temptations which will come to you. [Right now, I'm tempted to argue for eugenics. Stop me, Obi Wan!]

After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal washing and using the bathroom. [If someone else is handy, let them touch you instead.]
   
2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company, especially when you are feeling particularly weak. [Hmm... Good company when "weak" (a/k/a horny) would result in fucking, but at least I wouldn't be masturbating!]
   
3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. [Personally, I believe you should do it TOGETHER. Mutual masturbation ROCKS. I'm just sayin'...] Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things. [Such as? I've no doubt they have suggestions.]
   
4. After you bathe, don't admire yourself in the mirror. [As if.] Stay in the shower just long enough to clean yourself. Then dry off and GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present. [Oh, like THAT prevents masturbation here in Appalachia. *rolls eyes*]
   
5. When in bed (especially if that is where you masturbate), wear pajamas or other clothes so that you cannot easily touch yourself (and so that it would be difficult to remove those clothes. The time it takes to remove your clothing gives additional time to controll your thinking and overcome the temptation). [Um, since when it is necessary to remove one's clothing to wank? Geez! Have these people never rubbed one off in traffic?]
   
6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED! Go into the kitchen and make a snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry. [Oh, now THAT sounds healthy! Better to be devout and fat, I guess.] The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.
   
7. Never look at pornography on the internet or elsewhere. [And this makes a difference how, exactly?] Never read about your problem (even on sites claiming to be "educational"). [You mean, like the one where this drivel is posted?] Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act. [You mean we'll evolve? Imagine that!]
   
8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books, scriptures, talks of church leaders. [Like the church leaders who molest altar boys, perhaps? Yeah, they really set shining examples.] Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities. [I choose Matthew 7:12 and Luke 6:31.]
   
9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep it in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for members of your family who need help. Pray for your friends, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVEN IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT OUT of your mind! The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect on how easy it is to overcome. [Overcome... over come... such a sexual phrase, innit?] It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.

Wank on, friends! And, please, ENJOY!!!

Grapevine Vibe

A Toys for Tarts guest review:

Watches and sunglasses. Used to be I could never own either, because some misfortune always befell either object I possessed. Watchbands broke within weeks, hinge pins on sunglasses loosened and disappeared in the carpet, higher end models either were stolen or mislaid at restaurants. As an adult I added bullet vibes to that list, which has left me distraught. For a desired, lasting orgasm, a bullet has been the only toy for me, and finding the RIGHT toy has been a challenge. I've have bullets short out within a week of use, not work at all once I got them home, and even crack after use. Don't ask me how, it's not like I'm riding a mechanical bull while it's in use. It frustrates me that science can build better, faster, strong technology yet attention to the orgasmic arts lingers in a pre-Renaissance.

So it was with some interest that I decided to test the Grapevine Vibe, a cute and aptly-named little number. Here's how Babeland describes it:

Why put something cold and hard on your delicate bits when you can stroke them with the silky-smooth, waterproof Grapevine Vibe? A tiny microbullet buzzes powerfully (but quietly) and comes encased in a velvety, smooth plastic that will have you tipping your cup in no time! Find out why it garnered rave reviews from our staff. Variable speed.

Why cold, indeed? Though I hadn't before minded the touch of chilled plastic against my delicate bit (in some ways, it enhances the pleasure), the idea of a covered bullet intrigued me. And waterproof to boot, something I hadn't thought to look for in a bullet since I didn't think it possible. This could well eliminate the need for a bullet and a waterproof BOB.

But does it work? Oh, yes. The actual bullet is not large - I'd say no longer the average human finger from tip to second knuckle - so not one I'd recommend for insertion unless you have a supplemental toy that uses bullets. The four-speed button panel is wonderful - no more fiddling with dials or sliding switches to find the right intensity. Level one is nice mild buzz against the skin, good for a lingering build-up to the level two medium pace. Three and four...gives all new meaning to the "quickie", though personally they are not speeds I use often for sensitivity reasons.

As for the quiet test, it passes easily. At its lowest speed under a comforter I didn't detect too much, so if you're the type who brings toys along when visiting relatives you should be fine with this one. ;)

If I had to issue a caveat about the Grapevine Vibe, it would be to take special care when cleaning. Because it is not exposed plastic like other bullets, you might not be as vigilant in clean as you would with a silicone toy. Of course, all toys require thorough care, so treat it nice. Website reviews on the Grapevine estimate this toy can last anywhere from about 1-3 years before the usual signs of wear show, and I suppose that depended on frequency of use. Me, knowing how well this purple people pleaser feels, I think I'll stock up on extras.

~ Leigh Ellwood

Ellwood...If She Could
Daring Erotic Romance
http://www.leighellwood.com

From the Babeland site:

• Size: 1-1/2" x 5/8"
• Material: Hard plastic
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Two AA

Tantus Buzz

Cross posting Ducky Doolittle's video review for Tantus' "The Buzz" that came to Toys for Tarts' attention via Violet Blue's blog. Tantus, by the way, is the maker of the Feeldoe and many other great pleasure products.

Violet also has a terrific post about unsafe sex toys/products that y'all should read.

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Auto-erotic Politics

Cross-posting this promotion from VibeReview:

Obama For President

Hello Naughty Voters,

Is it politically correct for businesses to announce their support for a particular candidate? Probably not! We live in difficult times and there's no reason to remain neutral to appease other people. So, VibeReview is officially announcing its support for Barack Obama. It's time to take our country back, our sex lives back, and focus on change.

Note: We are not affiliated in any way with the Obama Campaign. We are using our First Amendment rights to support the candidate we believe has the country's best interest in mind - meaning this is merely our collective opinion.

We believe in working today to build a better tomorrow, a new day that includes everyone, regardless of color, gender, and sexual orientation. Barack Obama represents equality during a time of turmoil and separation.

The Obama for President Coupon is good for a 10% discount on your next purchase. Feel free to pass the coupon on to your friends. The more the merrier!

Click here to start shopping!

Acuvibe Cordless

Naturally, a cordless, rechargeable version of Hitachi's Magic Wand is appealing. And, when you get right down to it, that's exactly what the Acuvibe delivers. I thought it might not be as powerful, but it holds its own quite nicely. Heavier than the Hitachi, though. Don't drop it on your foot!

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Babeland says:

Have an acute case of unsatisfying vibration? Try the ever-strong Acuvibe. Similar in size and feel to the infamous Magic Wand, this vibrator has two speeds, high and higher, and can be used in any number of situations and places because it is rechargeable and cordless. If cords are the reason you've been holding back from trying an electric vibe, the Acuvibe is the answer. Runs on 110v power, needs a converter for 240v. Two speeds, 11" long, head is 2-1/2" in diameter.

From the Acuvibe Online site:

The AcuVibe Cordless Massager Vibrator flexible, "power-spring" mounted massage head gives a comfortable and powerful oscillation massage. The AcuVibe "flex-node" massage head feels great anywhere. The innovative oscillation massage technology focuses 100% of the vibration energy in the massage head, not in your hands. The AcuVibe Personal Vibrator Massager's powerful two-speed motor is vibration-damped and whisper-quiet.

The AcuVibe Softouch AV 1002 is a customer favorite - the finest cordless personal vibrator massager available!

AcuVibe Softouch Cordless Massager Vibrator Features:

• The EVA "flex-node" massage head feels great anywhere.
• AcuVibe - Exclusive oscillation massage technology focuses 100% of the vibration energy in the massage head, not in your hands.
• Powerful two-speed motor is vibration-damped and whisper-quiet. Choose from 4300 or 5700 vibrations per minute!
• Lightweight and compact size for amazing versatility.
• Cordless features: Integral, rechargeable NiCad batteries run up to 45 minutes on a single charge, over twice as long as other cordless massagers.
• Custom DC cord socket, use with OR without the cord!