Tenga Squeeze Play

Environmental concerns aside, the concept of disposable sex toys makes a lot of sense, especially masturbators for men. No muss, no fuss, just pop the cap back on when you are done and into the garbage it goes. And the Tenga Squeeze Play, in addition to being one use, is one of the best masturbation toys I have ever tried.

Physically, it resembles a freakishly large tube of toothpaste. Tenga also didn't bother trying to make the opening look anatomical, opting instead for a simple hole. The entire design of the product is very purpose oriented, which is really what men look for when we need to get off solo. It is even prelubricated which makes things VERY convenient. But that is just packaging, the real magic is on the inside.

The inside of the tube is nicely form fitting and lined with tiny knobs to add to the sensation. There is a small hole in the top which easily controls the suction and pressure inside the tube but which also leads to some amusing squishing and farting noises. Overall however, it was still a pretty insignificant distraction. The sensation will never fool you into thinking you are making whoopie to another human being, but it still felt very good and was more than capable of completing its task.

Overall, the Squeeze Play is almost perfect. Almost.

The biggest drawback would be the price. For a disposable item, it should be cheap but the prices I have seen online, although not as much as a Fleshlight, for example, are still much too high for a throw away. Until the price comes down, I am afraid for me anyway, the Tenga Squeeze Play will remain a novelty as opposed to a temporary, but replenished, resident of my toy chest.

~ Maximilian Lagos
www.maxlagos.com

Here's what Babeland has to say:

You’ll be entering (get it?) a whole new realm of masturbation sleeves when you try Tenga Squeeze Play. As soon as you touch the inner ribs and bumps and feel the glorious suction, there’ll be no turning back. Tenga has custom-engineered a line of men’s products based on extensive product testing and feedback from a veritable army of volunteers, so it’s no wonder that this toy provides a solo sexual experience like no other toy we’ve encountered. Your choice of two sizes and how tight you squeeze on the Tenga determines the tightness of the ride. Tenga products are disposable, pre-lubricated, and designed for one-time use.

• Size: 6” x 2”; 7” x 2-1/2” (internal)
• Material: ABS and TPE plastic
• Lube Ingredients: Water, Propylene Glycol, Hydroxyl Ethyl Cellulose, Sodium Polyacrylate, Phenoxyethanol, IPBC, Paraben

Truth or Dare

Maybe it is because we are old. Or maybe it is because we have been together for a million years. Or maybe my wife and I have actually had every conversation a married couple can have. Well, for whatever reason, Truth or Dare: A Game of Passion by Chronicle Books didn't teach us anything new about ourselves or each other. We did end the night having great sex, but I don't think it had much to do with the game.

A couple glasses of wine might have shifted our mood a little bit or made the cutsie-worded Dares easier to get into. For a game dealing with such mature topics, the language used on the cards did not do anything to set a sexy mood... made me actually feel like I was back in grade school, way too nervous to ask my crush to the Friday night dance.

The Truth cards were far more interesting than the Dare. So after a few minutes, we just boxed the Dares and took turns reading each other the Truths. We laughed quite a bit and made up some more silly than sexy answers, both agreeing the Truth side was good but could be even better with a group of people playing and again, several bottles of wine.

I did offer to send the game to a friend who is looking to reconcile with her husband. In a recent conversation, one of her fantasies was revealed to a surprised: "I didn't think you would be into that." It might be just the thing she needs to break the ice and open those lines of communication again. New couples would probably have fun with Truth or Dare, too, loosening inhibitions because "the cards told us to."

Personally, I am going to stick with Strip Poker and Spin The Bottle.

~ Maximilian Lagos
www.maxlagos.com

Here's what Good Vibrations has to say:

Think Truth or Dare went out of the style after High School? Well think again with this stylish and sexy version of an old classic great for couples (or adventurous groups). Explore your inhibitions or share some sexy secrets with the 100 game cards and a roll of the die as you take turns revealing your favorite sex toy or demonstrating your hottest sexual position. The questions are smart and sexy and the dares are really fun. Whether rain or shine, you might want to start spending every day indoors.

6 ¼” x 5 x 1 ¾” box.

Includes 100 game cards, one die, and instructions.

Spartacus Alligator Nipple Clamps

I have never had sensitive nipples. Gentle rubbing feels okay, but any real amount of pressure and I just stop feeling altogether. It didn’t even really hurt when I got my left one pierced.

But, I LOVE playing with other people’s nipples. They are a primary target for my tongue, fingers, and clothespins on lovers and playmates. So, the chance to play with a set of Spartacus Alligator Nipple Clamps was pretty exciting.

My wife was eager to try them too, but when I stalked across the bedroom floor, opening and closing the alligator-style clips like hungry little metal mouths, she rolled over onto her belly and wouldn’t let me anywhere near The Girls. Her nipples are oversensitive on the best of days, and the thought of the chained clamps biting down on her tender bits was making them hide in the mattress.

Sadly, her instincts were correct. To keep the clamps with their rubber coated teeth actually on her nipples, they had to be tightened well past her comfort point. Anything less and they would fall off with the slightest movement. And there was NO way we were taking off the rubber coating and subjecting ourselves to the razor-sharp teeth.

They were a bit pinchy even on my small, numb nubbins but they did hold better on mine than hers. The set screw used to hold the clips open didn’t want to budge under pressure, so adjustment meant taking them off, backing the screw off, and clamping them back on… usually to have them fall off again.

If you enjoy nipple torture and have a bit of experience, you may like the Spartacus Alligator Nipple Clamps. I will bring them to my next fetish party and use them mercilessly on my date for the evening. But if you are new to clamps, these may be more of a frustration than a fantasy.

~ Maximilian Lagos
www.maxlagos.com

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Enjoy a tantalizing pinch on your nipples, labia, or anywhere else with the sturdy, adjustable Crocodile Clamps. The slender tips deliver localized pressure, and the screw allows you to adjust the pressure with one hand tied behind your back (or otherwise occupied!). Go as light or as tight as you choose – you’ll be surprised at how pleasurable and intoxicating the sensation can be when you’re in the heat of the moment. Take nipple play to a whole new level with this Babeland classic.

* Size: 17” (LOA)
* Material: Metal and soft plastic

Floggers in Time Magazine?

You could've knocked me over with a feather when I saw the article. I guess sex toys have finally reached mainstream media, even if the hook was environmental.

Check it out. :-)

peace and passion,

~ Alessia

Seven Minutes in Heaven

“Reality porn is coming out of the closet in this first ever gonzo queer film.”

That's what the website says. I won't argue with the reality part, 'cause it doesn't appear there's much scripting, but gonzo? I wouldn't call it gonzo. Gonzo, to me, means there's nothing other than the sex of interest. This is more like documentary porn -- a la Comstock Films (but more hedonistic and minus the love). Each of the cast speaks to the camera for a few seconds, sharing their experiences or expectations. I truly enjoyed this aspect... and would've enjoyed it even more if I didn't have to struggle to hear what they were saying. (The sound, not to put too fine a point on it, sucked. And the soundtrack wasn't much better. Seems that sound -- other than the moaning and grunting -- isn't high on the priority list of production values for porn. Pity.)

Not quite sure where the title came from unless it's just an extension of the two party games (Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle) briefly played on screen. The subtitle "Coming Out" is also misleading. A couple of the women say it's their first experience with a woman and their first experience on camera. That's a cherry-popper, not a coming out.

The bodies aren't plastic or perfect, which is wonderful. Plastic/perfect is the main reason I just can't embrace traditional porn. It fucks with my feelings about my own body -- and I struggle with that quite enough with my clothes ON. I don't need it shoved in my face when I'm naked.

So, the sex scenes? They're... interesting. Some are kinda hot. Some, I suppose, would find certain elements kinky or transgressive. The orgasms appear to be genuine, too. Perhaps I'm jaded, but when you can sit in bed with your partner and watch other people having sex for almost 2 hours without it resulting in your own uncontrollable mattress aerobics... well, the sex you're watching is just not THAT hot. I mean, yeah,  it turned me on. And, yeah, we played... but after we finished watching, not during. Maybe that just makes me a conscientious reviewer. Ya think?

Bottom line: I don't regret the time I spent watching this film, but it's not one I'm likely to re-watch, either. As always, YMMV.

peace and passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Good Releasing has to say:

Reality porn is coming out of the closet in this first ever gonzo queer film. Award-winning director Courtney Trouble invites 7 diverse, fresh-faced performers to a kinky slumber-party for fun and games… only tonight there are no rules, no limits and no bedtime! The amateur cast picks their own partners, their own sex toys and their own ways of getting off. Spin the Bottle inspires an unscripted fuck-fest and first-time fantasies come true during a Truth or Dare strap-on sex scene. With honest video confessions, authentic orgasms and natural bodies, Seven Minutes in Heaven is the real queer deal.

P Style

When I saw this product listed for review, I pounced on it like a fat kid hits cake. Ladies, how many times have you stopped at a seedy-looking gas station with a near-bursting bladder only to discover a disgusting restroom? I mean, you don't even want to wash your hands in the sink much less put your sweet pink parts in the vicinity of the commode!

The package says...

Easy to use while clothed

Eliminates the need for T.P.

Reusable & simple to clean

Compact & easy to carry

And I'd agree with 62.5% of these claims. First, being the clean freak that I am, I don't think anything will ever eliminate the need to WIPE (and not merely with toilet tissue). I want to be in delightfully lickable condition 24/7. Don't you? The half-agreement is for the "easy to use while clothed" statement. It *IS* easy to use. However, "while clothed" is pushing it.

Yes, I believe it's entirely possible to develop a comfort & skill level with the P Style that would enable it to be used through one's open fly. I just don't see myself needing to use it often enough to achieve that level of proficiency. So, I drop trough.

I don't know about you, but I never mastered the whole squatting thing. By the time I relax enough to let things... um... flow, my thighs are trembling and a sheen of sweat is coating my brow. It's that level of proficiency thing again. I don't need to squat-and-pee often enough to become a pro.

As for the P Style, I tested it 3 times -- in 3 different situations -- before penning judgment. The first time, it took a loooooooooong time before I could relax enough to pee. Ever squatted behind a tree on a camping trip while mosquitos bit your ass waiting for your muscles to cooperate?  Same thing. It was the I-don't-want-to-piss-on-myself reflex. Once things started moving, it was a fascinating experience. Surreal, almost.

The second time, I'd had a couple drinks (as well as the previous confidence-building experience), and I got right to it. Um, too much so. Apparently, enthusiastic urination exceeds the capacity of its channel... and I gave too much too fast. Okay, messy lesson learned.

Third time's the charm. It was this trial that convinced me that utter proficiency is not only possible, but probable with semi-regular use. I think the P Style could be a wonderful gadget for many applications: camping, nasty public restrooms, physical impairments.  My P Style is going into the glove compartment of my car, and when I need it, I'm going to be damned glad it's there!

Until next time...

peace and passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Anyone who’d like to pee standing up (and that’s a whole lot of people!) will find the P Style useful. This compact and convenient “Stand To Pee” device, or STP, works perfectly for outdoor recreation and work, travel, folks with physical restrictions, female-to-male transsexuals, people who’ve had surgery that interferes with their ability to pee standing up, men with hypospadias… basically, anyone who wants to pee standing up, but whose anatomy or circumstance has kept them from doing so! It can be used through an open zipper with the user fully clothed, and the back edge can be used in place of toilet paper. Best of all, it’s made from nonporous hard plastic, so it’s easy to clean, completely reusable, and long-lasting. Color may vary.

• Size: 7-1/2” x 1-1/2” x 3/4"
• Material: Hard plastic
  

G-Twist Vibe

The first full day of football season provided an ideal time for toy testing, since I'm not a fan -- and my partner is. I just wish I had a better report on this product.  Alas, the one received for review was inoperable. I tried several different sets of batteries in every permutation to no avail. Therefore, this review will simply deal with the product as a dildo as opposed to a vibrator. I will assume that the strength of the vibration is similar (if not identical) to another Fun Factory product, The Boss, which I reviewed here some time ago.

The G-Twist is like The Boss in terms of its battery compartment and controls. I seriously dislike this aspect of its design. Not only is it confusing (and completely lacking "How To" instructions), it is physically difficult to open. If you have any impairment in finger/grip strength, forget about it!

It's longer and girthier than it appears in the pictures, but not uncomfortably so with appropriate lubrication.

Where the G-Twist differs is its ridges. While I didn't really care for the little ones along its length, the bigger, clit-bumping ridge certainly hits the sweet spot. There's enough flexibility in the silicone shaft to bend it to provide dual stimulation -- inside and out. It would've been nice to do so with vibration, but... oh, well.

Until next time...

peace and passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Good Vibrations has to say:

This Good Vibes staff-designed toy embodies a virtual wish list of nearly all the vibrator features we love. It's got a G-spot curve; substantial-yet-subtle texture along the shaft; a strategically placed clit ridge; water-resistant design; a top-quality, velvety smooth silicone body; reliable, quiet motor and a convenient ergonomic dial at the base to control the variable-speed vibrations. And oh yeah, it's one good-looking toy.

• 6 long, 1 1/2 in diameter.
• Uses two AA batteries (included).
• Now available in Black and Raspberry, as well as our classic colors Dark blue, Purple, Baby blue, or Candy Pink.
• Volume: 2; Intensity: 3.
• Care and Cleaning: This nonporous vibrator can be washed with a mild soap and water. It can be immersed in water for ease of cleaning, but be careful to keep the battery compartment closed and dry.

The Joy of Sex Toys

From AlterNet:

Better adult stores now all take products out of the boxes and putting them right into customer's hands so they'll know what kind of bangs they'll get for their bucks. And the buzz on vibrators, culturally and in real life, has gone from a whisper to a joyous scream.

If Apple's approval of a vibrator app for the iPhone wasn't enough, the embrace of the once-shunned sex aid was recently confirmed by two studies from the University of Indiana (on one men, one on women), which found that 53 percent of women and 45 percent of the men between 18 and 60 have used vibrators and that those who had were more apt to safeguard their sexual health.

Female vibrator users were more likely to have had gynecological exams in the last year or to have performed breast self exams in the last month. Recent male users were more like to have performed a testicular self-exam and scored themselves higher in most of the five domains of sexual function (erectile function, orgasmic function, sexual desire, intercourse satisfaction and overall satisfaction).

There was no significant difference in vibrator use between men who identified as straight and those who identified as gay or bisexual. The study, which queried 2,056 women and 1,047 men, is the first to publish nationally representative data on vibrator use and was funded by Church & Dwight Co. Inc, makers of Trojan products (condoms, pleasure rings, etc).

When you consider the stigmas vibrators held in the past, this rate of use isn't just a jump, it's a shuttle launch. Writing in the New York Times about the Indiana study, Michael Winerip notes that vibrator use was cited as "not appreciable" by an Alfred Kinsey report in 1953 and "less than 1 percent" by Shere Hite in 1976.

A subsequent 1992 survey from the University of Chicago said that only 2 percent of women had bought a vibrator in the past year. Even recognizing that "bought" and "used" are significantly different, for the numbers to shoot that high that quickly represents a significant change in our attitude toward sexual pleasure.

Read the entire article.

Just Leave a Comment to Enter

This fearless reviewer's toy drawer spilleth over, as you can see from an earlier post. Thus, I'm entering this contest for the Toys for Tarts' faithful (but heretofore lurking) readers. In other words, YOU! All of the products listed below are already in my toy drawer, and most have been reviewed here. So, if Toys for Tarts wins, I'll be giving them all away!

To play along & be eligible to win one of the fabulous wishlist products below or one of the weekly $25 Babeland gift cards, you just gotta leave a comment on this post. Tell me which wishlist product you'd like to have & why -- or which product you wish was included on the list & why. Be creative! Be naughty! I won't tell a soul.

Plus, if this blog gets the mostest comments, not only will Toys for Tarts receive a $125 gift card, but one of the lucky commenters will as well. Nothing to lose and all kinds of pleasure to gain!

So, without further ado, here is Toys for Tarts' $500 Babeland wishlist:

SaSi ($148)
It's a programmable tongue coupled with vibration. WIN-WIN!

Delight ($130)
Aptly named, but I call it Shamu. (Reviewed HERE.)

We-Vibe ($130)
Use it solo... or with a partner... or both.

Njoy Fun Wand ($88)
Stainless steel sex -- hot or cold, it's spectacular!

TOTAL: $496

GOOD LUCK & GOOD COMMENTING!

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

InfraRed Massager (CalEx)

Not exactly sure how to tell whether this Hitachi wannabe from California Exotic Novelties is truly infrared, or if it's just lit with LEDs behind a red plastic cover like my car's brake lights. But, really, until there's a solid reason to care, it doesn't matter. This is a nice product that does indeed give Hitachi's Magic Wand a run for its money.

The "InfraRed Electric Massager" has two speeds (high/low) which correspond to the inverse low/high heat. High heat is not all that hot, incidentally. Just noticeably warmer than low. One side of the bulbous head lights & heats, while the other hosts one of the 5 massage attachments. I tried each for actual massage of stiff/sore muscles, where they performed admirably, and I tried a couple of them for pleasure purposes. However, I much preferred the heated side over the attachments for stimulation of my sensitive pink parts.

The power cord is identical in length (6') to the Hitachi, which is the next best thing to cordless/rechargeable, and it's sized comparably. The vibration strength isn't quite as powerful as its famous cousin, but it gets the job done -- and it's a wee bit quieter.

So, all in all, I'd give this puppy two thumbs up. If it were significantly cheaper than a Hitachi, I'd be really impressed.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Lockable sex toy case (BMS Enterprises)

I have an underbed gun case -- big, metal drawer with a keyed lock -- that I use for my sex toys. It's about five feet long and two feet wide, six inches deep. See?

That's an old photo, too. It's much fuller now, and I don't even have all my favorite stuff in it. The "go to" toys are within arm's reach of my bed, in the top drawer of the nightstand (like my Hitachi) or even on its surface (like a couple bottles of lube and Shamu). That's all nice & handy for bedroom use. However, sometimes a perv needs to take her toys on the road.

I figured this lockable sex toy case from BMS Enterprises would be just the thing. I was wrong. Yeah, it's cute. (Purple sparkly butterflies ARE cute.) And it's discreet. It's also junk. The lock mechanism is clunky, and the hinges are weak. There is no key backup, so if you forget (or screw up) the combination, you're shit-outta-luck. Your sex toys could be *gasp* prisoners! Plus it's way smaller than it appears. My gun case looks much smaller in the photo than it actually is. The same is true for this product. Even though I clicked the "view actual size" link, I really didn't have a good grasp of the size until it arrived. You can see it below with my cell phone for scale:

Put a single hefty dildo & harness combination in here, and that's IT. Nothing else will fit. Although the lock doesn't function properly, I think my daughter will probably end up using this as a makeup or nail polish case. That's about all it's good for. If you want to haul your toys around, get something else.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

MIA

About twice the size of a standard lipstick, this little USB-rechargeable number is a delightfully discreet and surprisingly powerful multi-speed vibrator from LELO. It's attractively packaged, making it an ideal gift for a friend, and the pink model is currently on sale for less than half price ($29.99) at Babeland -- so you can grab one for yourself as well.

It looks like a big flash drive when charging on my laptop (rather than a pleasure tool). I counted four intensities of vibration, accessed by successively pressing the "+" pad, followed by three pulsing speeds. It's volume is about the same as a bullet vibe, but it has considerably more oomph (and none of those annoying button batteries). I can even charge it in my car 'cause I have one of those USB power converter gadgets.

I'm not typically a fan of small, clitoral vibrators -- preferring either (a) more powerful vibration a la Hitachi or (b) penetration a la Delight -- but the little MIA combines so many convenient features that I think it will remain in my purse for those need-to-come-now emergencies. :)

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

The manufacturer's site says:

MIA is a discreet pleasure object carefully designed to combine versatility and convenience, intended for private enjoyment at all times. This elegant lipstick vibrator nestles seductively in your handbag, her size and chargeability making her available whenever needed, whether on a long intercontinental flight or during a break on a busy day. Glossy and attractive, MIA's intuitive interface and four stimulation modes allow total control in the midst of ecstasy. She is rechargeable and a 2-hour charge provides up to 4 hours of bliss. Comes presented in an elegant gift box, accessorised with extension cord for USB charging, manual and a 1-year LELO warranty.

And here's what Babeland has to say:

Make room in your laptop bag for the Mia, a powerful lipstick-sized vibrator that can charge directly from your computer thanks to its USB extension. Mia holds a charge for four hours, making it one of the most travel-friendly toys we’ve seen. Mia’s proof that small scale doesn’t mean skimping on features, elegance, or performance. The faceted, lipstick-sized shell comes swathed in body-friendly silicone, making it a breeze to clean, and features four vibration modes to choose from. A USB extension cord is also included, so you can hide Mia discreetly while charging. Stash Mia in your bag, purse or pocket and pleasure is sure to follow wherever you go. Made by Lelo.

• Size: 4-2/5” x 4/5”
• Material: Silicone coated hard plastic
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Rechargeable

Bootie

The Bootie (by Fun Factory) is a 100% silicone, velvety textured, creatively shaped butt plug that provides comfortable stimulation for the anal beginner. The head is slightly larger than a man’s thumb, while the shaft is about as thin as a pinky finger. Curving slightly in a “come here” gesture, the Bootie’s shape and flexibility can make it a bit tricky to insert the first time. It is very comfortable to wear for play, but the larger safety bottom is uncomfortable to sit upon, making it less than ideal for longer term wear.

Touted as delivering “rapturous pleasure” by the manufacturer, this reviewer was not rewarded with such outstanding responses. The comfortable flexibility minimized the stimulation to the prostate as compared to such products as the Aneros or manual self-stimulation. There are better prostate toys on the market, but as a basic butt plug for safe play, the Bootie delivers in spades.

~ A.B. Guye

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Shake your booty all night long with the beginner-friendly Bootie anal plug. Insertion is easy thanks to the firm, tapered tip; and once in place, the pliable neck, tapered base and soft silicone make wearing the Bootie all pleasure. The curved base helps ‘rock’ the Bootie for gentle prostate stimulation, and squeezing the resilient shaft with anal muscles amps up the sensation. It's bootie-licious! Brought to you by Fun Factory. Color may vary. For a discount, check out the Bootie Plug & Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula Combo.

• Size: 2-1/2” x 1”
• Material: Silicone

Shunga Secret Garden

Shunga Secret Garden is primarily billed as an arousal enhancer. It contains L-Arginine, which is a non-essential amino acid that is often used in combination with yohimbine to treat erectile dysfunction. L-Arginine is necessary for the synthesis of nitric oxide, a vasodilator and critical ingredient in pharmaceuticals such as Viagra. As for the other active ingredients, "Turnera aphrodisiaca" is another term for damiana, a common herbal aphrodisiac.

The flavor is listed as "undefined," but it's clearly peppermint with soapy undertones. (The scent is powerfully peppermint. I could smell it upon opening the box in which it was shipped.) The type is listed as "cream," but it's actually a clear gel liquid.

The product's URL places it in the "sex-lubricants/ arousal-lubes" category, but I wouldn't necessarily call it a lubricant. Yes, it's slippery, but internal use could be uncomfortable given the "mentha piperita" ingredient. In addition, it contains glycerin (a sugar alcohol) and, while it does not "feed the bacteria that form plaques and cause dental cavities," there are anecdotal reports of its association with yeast infections. Thus, I avoid internal use of products containing sweeteners of any kind.

External use, on the other hand, is quite delightful. While this product won't create arousal where none exists, it does indeed serve to enhance sensation. It's not overwhelmingly strong on your soft pink parts, as is the off-label use of, say, Perma Frost Schnapps. I think the "mentha piperita" (peppermint) would probably accomplish the same without the added damiana and amino acids, though -- kinda like Altoids, but slippery. YMMV.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Weatherproof (brand) USB Massager

It's kinda unfair to review a product when I can't find a link for its purchase, but *shrug* I picked up this little number on a whim at the Charm City Fetish Fair, and I gotta tell ya, it's a keeper. Two speeds (high & low), not too loud, plugs into computer's USB port. There are nubbies on the (curved) long underside as well as on the end, so it functions well with point-on-clit or nestled between the labia.

I wish I could find a link, 'cause I think this is full of win for cyberers.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Twildos?

It's a Twitter contest/giveaway! Reviewer Epiphora is giving away two brand new bumpy glass dildos. Simply tweet the following to enter:

RT @Epiphora: I’m giving away a set of two bumpy glass dildos! Retweet to enter. Rules + picture: http://is.gd/Cldd.

Good luck!

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

PSA: Making Her Come

Ten minutes of hands-on (and mouth-on) instruction. Totally NOT WORK SAFE (as if anything here is).

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Champion (DVD)

I haven't had much luck (I typed "lick" the first time. It's hardwired.) with DVDs reviewed here--the exception being Bill & Desiree, but that almost doesn't count 'cause the documentary-style Comstock Films are in a league of their own. Man's Ruin was too weird for words, and Annie Sprinkle... well, let's just say she must be an acquired taste.

I was hoping Champion would turn the tide. Instead, I'm afraid it just set the porn bar too high. There is a real plot in this 90-minute flick, though having read the storyline on the website prior to watching made it easier to grok 'cause the limited dialog sounded muffled. (A couple times, we backed up the DVD to listen again.) It's got the whole 3-act play story arc thing goin' on, and it's not badly acted. Take out the sex, and the film would be about 15 minutes long, so there's no need to worry about too little sex. Each sex scene (there are 5, and they are each distinctive) is fully-realized without excessive camera cuts. There is NO "cheesey outer layer" here. The actors give NO indication that they are performing for the cameras, which is absolutely wonderful.

I found the sex extremely hot for a variety of reasons, not least of which was the utter lack of misogyny found in the vast majority of porn. The bodies were all deliciously lean and toned (NOT stick figures or enormous-breasted "bimbo" types) in a way that says, "I respect myself." Win! However, from a casting perspective, the characters of Violet, Jessie, and Cathy were almost too similar in stature, hair, and tone. Fortunately, it's a look that appeals to me-- especially the impish features of Jiz Lee.

The lack of gender conformity in most of the cast was a bit off-putting to my partner, but I found it refreshing and honest. The visual is not a turn on... but it's not a turn off, either. If that makes any sense. (Whereas the over-the-top airbrushed silicone-enhanced centerfold types do nothing but make me angry at myself for feeling wrinkled and fat and... inferior. Bleh. Get that shit out of my face. It is NOT a turn on.) The integrity IS a turn on. Being yourself in the midst of pressure to conform is huge for me, and something that requires courage and determination.

The drum score added to the tension and its resolution, rather than providing lame techno accompaniment, and it didn't drown out the genuine-sounding vocalizations of the actors. There was never an obviously-faked orgasm, and without a biological penis on the set, no obligatory money shots. Huzzah! The dick was not missed, believe me. Syd Blakovich can drive a strap as well as (or better) than any I've ever seen--and look as sleek and toned as a panther while doing it.

The film was exceptionally well-directed (by Shine Louise Houston) and edited. The fact that the sex scenes ran a little long by conventional, instant-gratification standards only served to make them feel more genuine and satisfying.

Two thumbs up for Champion!

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

For porn that is so much more than just porn, get knocked out by the adult DVD Champion, award-winning director Shine Louise Houston’s latest masterpiece. Don’t get us wrong, this film features plenty of scorching-hot queer sex, but it’s also got a strong, captivating plot. Hotshot martial artist Jessie Easton is training for the fight of her career, yet she’s haunted by past love and current, undeniable attraction to her opponent, Violet Vahn. Throw in some conflict with corrupt nemesis Bobby Malone, and you’ve got an intensely erotic and masterful crossover film. Whether Jessie wins or loses the fight, you’ll be squirming in more ways than one. Please refer to our return policy for this product.

• Released: 2008
• Length: 90 minutes
• Director: Shine Louise Houston
• Noteworthy Stars: Syd Blakovich, Madison Young, Jiz Lee, Dylan Ryan

SheaFlex70

This post is part product review and part public service announcement. Toys for Tarts does not have a vested (affiliate) interest in this product.

I am a 46-year-old woman with a history of fibromyalgia, depression, and insulin resistance. While my health issues are under control (at times, I believe, tenuously so), I still experience joint pain -- especially when I (over) indulge in the activities I like the most: rowdy sex, taekwondo, hiking, etc.

While in the throes of the worst of my pain-obesity-insomnia-depression cycle, I abused NSAIDs. I would put eight 200mg ibuprofen on my nightstand, pop them when the alarm rang in the morning, then hit the snooze for 20 minutes until they enabled me to get out of bed through the pain. Throughout the day, depending on how many times I would have to lift my children, I'd take up to another dozen tablets. I was afraid to carry my son up or down the stairs for fear that my knees would buckle and I'd drop him. Given that I was lugging around an extra 100# on my own frame, another 20-30 in toddler really made a difference. I took enough NSAIDs over a period of 3-4 years to experience "rebound" inflammation, which makes the pain even worse.

I'm rambling. Sorry. My point is that, due to my history/experience, I'm hesitant to take any drugs these days. I have to HURT before I'll resort to a single tablet. I feel the twinges of despair every time I have an ache that lasts longer than a few hours because I know what chronic pain does to my physical and emotional well-being.

So, when my knees and shoulder started bothering me, I tried the common supplement glucosamine chondroitin. Many people swear by it, but it did nothing for me. I chanced upon a new product while searching online for shea butter products -- skin emollients (another of my fetishes).

This product is a supplement for joint health called SheaFlex70. It is only available via the Walgreen's drugstore chain and online order. It is not cheap. But I was just desperate enough to give it a try. With a $10 off coupon**, I got a month's supply for $30.

Can I just say WOW? I noticed an improvement in the general achey-ness after just 3 days of per-label use. Within a month, the stiffness was GONE. I've since cut back to 1/3 of the dose for maintenance, so the $30 bottle now lasts me 90 days. If I have a particularly strenuous workout, I may re-up the dose for a couple days to keep the inflammation at bay.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS PRODUCT FOR JOINT PAIN SUFFERERS!

Here's what the website says...

SheaFlex70’s patented active ingredient, shea triterpenes, is found within the pit of the fruit of the shea tree, Africa’s “Tree of Life.” SheaFlex70 is the only product available with shea triterpenes, considered nature’s most powerful inflammation fighter.* Shea triterpenes have been proven not only to reduce joint-specific inflammation but also to support Type II collagen, the primary element of the 70% of cartilage that provides structure and smoothness to your joints.*

• SheaFlex70 dramatically helps relieve joint discomfort and joint-specific inflammation.* When you reduce pain and swelling in the joints, you lay the foundation for getting your body back into balance.
• SheaFlex70 helps safely reduce the breakdown of the joints’ most abundant collagen, Type II collagen.* Collagen makes up 70% of joint cartilage, which keeps the bones in a joint from rubbing together.

If you give it a try, please leave a comment & let me know how it works for you!

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

**Use this code when you buy online and save $10: MMSHEAFLEX

Gold Digger Vibe

Mr. Marcus Gold Digger Vibrator

I will say right now that on receiving this vibe to review I had no idea who Mr. Marcus was, or what his association with Doc Johnson is, seeing as how her name is attached to this product as well. A Google search quickly rectified things, as I discovered Mr. Marcus is an adult film actor. I'll hazard a guess that an adult film actor doesn't truly graduate to "porn star" until he or she has a line of sex toys. Normally one would think their private parts are cast with plaster to mass manufacture dildos and sleeves in some Asian factory, but the Gold Digger has the look of a simple vibe, presumably for beginners.

There are two varieties of the Gold Digger (for some reason I can't get Shirley Bassey's singing voice out of my head, so bear with me): a four-inch and a 6.5-inch. I was given the latter, marked on the package as "Big Daddy's Favorite." Whether Big Daddy prefers to use this on himself or others is not specified, but it is definitely not modeled realistically on any part of any daddy. The black surface is all smooth and soft to the touch—not hard plastic but not quite the squishy silicone I'm used to, either. If you recall my review last year of the Grapevine Vibe, you'll know the texture is the same. As for actual gold, there isn't any—the base of the toy is bejeweled with a bit of "bling" which, though it would look pretty while standing the vibe upright on a table or something—doesn't really do much for the toy's performance. Babeland describes this toy as:

Get your bling on—with minimal investment—thanks to the luxe-looking, super affordable Gold Digger vibrator. Classy golden jewels stud the bottom of the waterproof, velvety plastic shell, and gentle vibrations purr through the variable-speed dial, making this diva-pleaser just as handy for the clit as it is for penetration. Please use a condom for insertion to keep your jewels sitting pretty.

• Size: 6” x 1-1/4”
• Material: Hard plastic
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Two AA

Batteries are not included, and neither are condoms. I will take issue with the volume rating on this toy because when I did turn it on, I thought it was quite loud for it ssize. Compared to the whisper-buzz of the Grapevine, the Gold Digger sounded like it actually was drilling the ground, even at a low speed.

For penetration, the Gold Digger does offer some satisfaction. The curvature seemed to fit well, providing a nice friction when used. Clitoral stimulation took a bit longer than my usual bullet, but the vibrating sensation inside didn't feel uncomfortable or jarring, inside or out. This having a "velvet"-style exterior, it should definitely be cleaned well after use.

Given its size and price ($20), the Gold Digger would make a good first vibrator for sex toy newbs, or a travel toy for anyone who doesn't want to pack the heavier stuff.

~ Leigh Ellwood
www.leighellwood.com