Go Girl

Since I reviewed the P Style, another reusable tool to allow the dickless to pee standing up, I thought it only fair that I review this product for comparison. The P Style was functional (with practice). The Go Girl, however, puts it to shame. It is a clearly superior design and is a 100% no-leak win from the very first piss. Better than sliced bread. I kid you not!

It's soft and bendy, like a dick is 95% of the time (unless it's 14 years old, then that percentage drops to 50) and easy to aim.

It has an enclosed channel -- again, like a dick -- so no matter how hard and fast you pee, the raging river isn't gonna overflow its banks.

It's comfy against your body. No hard plastic edges to scratch delicate places.

And it's really quite fun. You totally could write your name in the snow with this bad boy... erm, girl.

I found it simplest to use with one foot resting on the toilet seat, which is fine if you're naked or wearing a skirt but a bit more problematic if you're in pants/shorts. It's not difficult to use with your britches around your ankles, mind you. It just takes a bit more effort to hit the bowl. Outdoors while hiking or camping or skiing? No problemo. Let 'er rip! (You'll want to stop, if skiing. Do not attempt to use Go Girl whilst zooming down the slopes or you'll have piss-cicles on your ski pants.)

Both are very easy to clean & reusable. Both are priced at $12. I think that's on the high side for the P Style, but fair for the Go Girl.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

If you've always wanted to pee standing up but your anatomy prevents it, the Go Girl is the STP (Stand to Pee) device for you. Soft, flexible silicone cups you comfortably, allowing you to pee freely and direct the stream where you want it to go. Of course, the silicone also makes for easy cleanup — just rinse/wipe it off, then boil it for disinfection later. And the pliable material allows you to fold/scrunch it up and stuff it in a bag or pocket for later. Great for gender transition, camping, public bathrooms, writing your name in the snow...

Best Lesbian Erotica 2009

Being a writer of high-quality smut myself, I love really good dirty stories.

Tristan Taormino's Best Lesbian Erotica 2009 anthology marks her last year as editor of the series, and she has ended her tenure with an amazing collection of hot erotica. Some of these stories are so intense, touching or thought-provoking that they have burned themselves into my brain, and I find myself going back and reading them over and over again. "Dream Date" by Radclyffe features one of the sweetest, yet incredibly hot, pay-for-sex scenes I have ever read. Teresa Noelle Roberts' "Tough Enough To Wear A Dress" is, hands down, my favourite piece in the book, providing wonderful insight as to why one of the characters has panic attacks when confronted with feminine clothes. These are only two of the two dozen pieces in the book and no matter what you are looking for, I am positive you will find at least one story that makes you weak-kneed.

One interesting point worth noting is most of the stories deal with butch-femme, BDSM or strap-on sex, and in many cases all three at once. "On Snow-White Wings" by Shanna Germain is the only pure vanilla story in the collection that comes to mind and actually sticks out noticeably. The story is sweet, emotional and sensual and acts like a summer afternoon rain shower -- cooling and refreshing -- allowing the temperature to build once again in the second half of the book.

Being of the male gender, I'm not sure if I am the most appropriate person to review a fabulous book of lesbian erotica but I am very glad to be given the chance to dive into a world where the lesbians aren't all lipstick, the bois have more between their legs than I do and the passion is honest and true.

~ Maximilian Lagos
www.maxlagos.com

Here's what Babeland has to say:

We don’t know how, but the bestselling Best Lesbian Erotica series manages to get hotter every year, and 2009 is no exception. Beloved sex educator/director/author Tristan Taormino puts together another winning collection, taking us along for sexy trysts at the bar, the beach, the tattoo parlor, and the public park (to name just a few). Desire knows no bounds here in the world of handsome butches, flirtatious femmes, and every lezzy in between and beyond. No matter what gets you going, from sweet seductions to hardcore fucking to envelope-pushing power dynamics, you’ll find erotic satisfaction here.

• Binding Style: Paperback
• Type: Erotica
• Number of Pages: 302
• Copyright: 2008

Tenga Squeeze Play

Environmental concerns aside, the concept of disposable sex toys makes a lot of sense, especially masturbators for men. No muss, no fuss, just pop the cap back on when you are done and into the garbage it goes. And the Tenga Squeeze Play, in addition to being one use, is one of the best masturbation toys I have ever tried.

Physically, it resembles a freakishly large tube of toothpaste. Tenga also didn't bother trying to make the opening look anatomical, opting instead for a simple hole. The entire design of the product is very purpose oriented, which is really what men look for when we need to get off solo. It is even prelubricated which makes things VERY convenient. But that is just packaging, the real magic is on the inside.

The inside of the tube is nicely form fitting and lined with tiny knobs to add to the sensation. There is a small hole in the top which easily controls the suction and pressure inside the tube but which also leads to some amusing squishing and farting noises. Overall however, it was still a pretty insignificant distraction. The sensation will never fool you into thinking you are making whoopie to another human being, but it still felt very good and was more than capable of completing its task.

Overall, the Squeeze Play is almost perfect. Almost.

The biggest drawback would be the price. For a disposable item, it should be cheap but the prices I have seen online, although not as much as a Fleshlight, for example, are still much too high for a throw away. Until the price comes down, I am afraid for me anyway, the Tenga Squeeze Play will remain a novelty as opposed to a temporary, but replenished, resident of my toy chest.

~ Maximilian Lagos
www.maxlagos.com

Here's what Babeland has to say:

You’ll be entering (get it?) a whole new realm of masturbation sleeves when you try Tenga Squeeze Play. As soon as you touch the inner ribs and bumps and feel the glorious suction, there’ll be no turning back. Tenga has custom-engineered a line of men’s products based on extensive product testing and feedback from a veritable army of volunteers, so it’s no wonder that this toy provides a solo sexual experience like no other toy we’ve encountered. Your choice of two sizes and how tight you squeeze on the Tenga determines the tightness of the ride. Tenga products are disposable, pre-lubricated, and designed for one-time use.

• Size: 6” x 2”; 7” x 2-1/2” (internal)
• Material: ABS and TPE plastic
• Lube Ingredients: Water, Propylene Glycol, Hydroxyl Ethyl Cellulose, Sodium Polyacrylate, Phenoxyethanol, IPBC, Paraben

Spartacus Alligator Nipple Clamps

I have never had sensitive nipples. Gentle rubbing feels okay, but any real amount of pressure and I just stop feeling altogether. It didn’t even really hurt when I got my left one pierced.

But, I LOVE playing with other people’s nipples. They are a primary target for my tongue, fingers, and clothespins on lovers and playmates. So, the chance to play with a set of Spartacus Alligator Nipple Clamps was pretty exciting.

My wife was eager to try them too, but when I stalked across the bedroom floor, opening and closing the alligator-style clips like hungry little metal mouths, she rolled over onto her belly and wouldn’t let me anywhere near The Girls. Her nipples are oversensitive on the best of days, and the thought of the chained clamps biting down on her tender bits was making them hide in the mattress.

Sadly, her instincts were correct. To keep the clamps with their rubber coated teeth actually on her nipples, they had to be tightened well past her comfort point. Anything less and they would fall off with the slightest movement. And there was NO way we were taking off the rubber coating and subjecting ourselves to the razor-sharp teeth.

They were a bit pinchy even on my small, numb nubbins but they did hold better on mine than hers. The set screw used to hold the clips open didn’t want to budge under pressure, so adjustment meant taking them off, backing the screw off, and clamping them back on… usually to have them fall off again.

If you enjoy nipple torture and have a bit of experience, you may like the Spartacus Alligator Nipple Clamps. I will bring them to my next fetish party and use them mercilessly on my date for the evening. But if you are new to clamps, these may be more of a frustration than a fantasy.

~ Maximilian Lagos
www.maxlagos.com

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Enjoy a tantalizing pinch on your nipples, labia, or anywhere else with the sturdy, adjustable Crocodile Clamps. The slender tips deliver localized pressure, and the screw allows you to adjust the pressure with one hand tied behind your back (or otherwise occupied!). Go as light or as tight as you choose – you’ll be surprised at how pleasurable and intoxicating the sensation can be when you’re in the heat of the moment. Take nipple play to a whole new level with this Babeland classic.

* Size: 17” (LOA)
* Material: Metal and soft plastic

P Style

When I saw this product listed for review, I pounced on it like a fat kid hits cake. Ladies, how many times have you stopped at a seedy-looking gas station with a near-bursting bladder only to discover a disgusting restroom? I mean, you don't even want to wash your hands in the sink much less put your sweet pink parts in the vicinity of the commode!

The package says...

Easy to use while clothed

Eliminates the need for T.P.

Reusable & simple to clean

Compact & easy to carry

And I'd agree with 62.5% of these claims. First, being the clean freak that I am, I don't think anything will ever eliminate the need to WIPE (and not merely with toilet tissue). I want to be in delightfully lickable condition 24/7. Don't you? The half-agreement is for the "easy to use while clothed" statement. It *IS* easy to use. However, "while clothed" is pushing it.

Yes, I believe it's entirely possible to develop a comfort & skill level with the P Style that would enable it to be used through one's open fly. I just don't see myself needing to use it often enough to achieve that level of proficiency. So, I drop trough.

I don't know about you, but I never mastered the whole squatting thing. By the time I relax enough to let things... um... flow, my thighs are trembling and a sheen of sweat is coating my brow. It's that level of proficiency thing again. I don't need to squat-and-pee often enough to become a pro.

As for the P Style, I tested it 3 times -- in 3 different situations -- before penning judgment. The first time, it took a loooooooooong time before I could relax enough to pee. Ever squatted behind a tree on a camping trip while mosquitos bit your ass waiting for your muscles to cooperate?  Same thing. It was the I-don't-want-to-piss-on-myself reflex. Once things started moving, it was a fascinating experience. Surreal, almost.

The second time, I'd had a couple drinks (as well as the previous confidence-building experience), and I got right to it. Um, too much so. Apparently, enthusiastic urination exceeds the capacity of its channel... and I gave too much too fast. Okay, messy lesson learned.

Third time's the charm. It was this trial that convinced me that utter proficiency is not only possible, but probable with semi-regular use. I think the P Style could be a wonderful gadget for many applications: camping, nasty public restrooms, physical impairments.  My P Style is going into the glove compartment of my car, and when I need it, I'm going to be damned glad it's there!

Until next time...

peace and passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Anyone who’d like to pee standing up (and that’s a whole lot of people!) will find the P Style useful. This compact and convenient “Stand To Pee” device, or STP, works perfectly for outdoor recreation and work, travel, folks with physical restrictions, female-to-male transsexuals, people who’ve had surgery that interferes with their ability to pee standing up, men with hypospadias… basically, anyone who wants to pee standing up, but whose anatomy or circumstance has kept them from doing so! It can be used through an open zipper with the user fully clothed, and the back edge can be used in place of toilet paper. Best of all, it’s made from nonporous hard plastic, so it’s easy to clean, completely reusable, and long-lasting. Color may vary.

• Size: 7-1/2” x 1-1/2” x 3/4"
• Material: Hard plastic
  

Just Leave a Comment to Enter

This fearless reviewer's toy drawer spilleth over, as you can see from an earlier post. Thus, I'm entering this contest for the Toys for Tarts' faithful (but heretofore lurking) readers. In other words, YOU! All of the products listed below are already in my toy drawer, and most have been reviewed here. So, if Toys for Tarts wins, I'll be giving them all away!

To play along & be eligible to win one of the fabulous wishlist products below or one of the weekly $25 Babeland gift cards, you just gotta leave a comment on this post. Tell me which wishlist product you'd like to have & why -- or which product you wish was included on the list & why. Be creative! Be naughty! I won't tell a soul.

Plus, if this blog gets the mostest comments, not only will Toys for Tarts receive a $125 gift card, but one of the lucky commenters will as well. Nothing to lose and all kinds of pleasure to gain!

So, without further ado, here is Toys for Tarts' $500 Babeland wishlist:

SaSi ($148)
It's a programmable tongue coupled with vibration. WIN-WIN!

Delight ($130)
Aptly named, but I call it Shamu. (Reviewed HERE.)

We-Vibe ($130)
Use it solo... or with a partner... or both.

Njoy Fun Wand ($88)
Stainless steel sex -- hot or cold, it's spectacular!

TOTAL: $496

GOOD LUCK & GOOD COMMENTING!

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

MIA

About twice the size of a standard lipstick, this little USB-rechargeable number is a delightfully discreet and surprisingly powerful multi-speed vibrator from LELO. It's attractively packaged, making it an ideal gift for a friend, and the pink model is currently on sale for less than half price ($29.99) at Babeland -- so you can grab one for yourself as well.

It looks like a big flash drive when charging on my laptop (rather than a pleasure tool). I counted four intensities of vibration, accessed by successively pressing the "+" pad, followed by three pulsing speeds. It's volume is about the same as a bullet vibe, but it has considerably more oomph (and none of those annoying button batteries). I can even charge it in my car 'cause I have one of those USB power converter gadgets.

I'm not typically a fan of small, clitoral vibrators -- preferring either (a) more powerful vibration a la Hitachi or (b) penetration a la Delight -- but the little MIA combines so many convenient features that I think it will remain in my purse for those need-to-come-now emergencies. :)

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

The manufacturer's site says:

MIA is a discreet pleasure object carefully designed to combine versatility and convenience, intended for private enjoyment at all times. This elegant lipstick vibrator nestles seductively in your handbag, her size and chargeability making her available whenever needed, whether on a long intercontinental flight or during a break on a busy day. Glossy and attractive, MIA's intuitive interface and four stimulation modes allow total control in the midst of ecstasy. She is rechargeable and a 2-hour charge provides up to 4 hours of bliss. Comes presented in an elegant gift box, accessorised with extension cord for USB charging, manual and a 1-year LELO warranty.

And here's what Babeland has to say:

Make room in your laptop bag for the Mia, a powerful lipstick-sized vibrator that can charge directly from your computer thanks to its USB extension. Mia holds a charge for four hours, making it one of the most travel-friendly toys we’ve seen. Mia’s proof that small scale doesn’t mean skimping on features, elegance, or performance. The faceted, lipstick-sized shell comes swathed in body-friendly silicone, making it a breeze to clean, and features four vibration modes to choose from. A USB extension cord is also included, so you can hide Mia discreetly while charging. Stash Mia in your bag, purse or pocket and pleasure is sure to follow wherever you go. Made by Lelo.

• Size: 4-2/5” x 4/5”
• Material: Silicone coated hard plastic
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Rechargeable

Bootie

The Bootie (by Fun Factory) is a 100% silicone, velvety textured, creatively shaped butt plug that provides comfortable stimulation for the anal beginner. The head is slightly larger than a man’s thumb, while the shaft is about as thin as a pinky finger. Curving slightly in a “come here” gesture, the Bootie’s shape and flexibility can make it a bit tricky to insert the first time. It is very comfortable to wear for play, but the larger safety bottom is uncomfortable to sit upon, making it less than ideal for longer term wear.

Touted as delivering “rapturous pleasure” by the manufacturer, this reviewer was not rewarded with such outstanding responses. The comfortable flexibility minimized the stimulation to the prostate as compared to such products as the Aneros or manual self-stimulation. There are better prostate toys on the market, but as a basic butt plug for safe play, the Bootie delivers in spades.

~ A.B. Guye

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Shake your booty all night long with the beginner-friendly Bootie anal plug. Insertion is easy thanks to the firm, tapered tip; and once in place, the pliable neck, tapered base and soft silicone make wearing the Bootie all pleasure. The curved base helps ‘rock’ the Bootie for gentle prostate stimulation, and squeezing the resilient shaft with anal muscles amps up the sensation. It's bootie-licious! Brought to you by Fun Factory. Color may vary. For a discount, check out the Bootie Plug & Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula Combo.

• Size: 2-1/2” x 1”
• Material: Silicone

Champion (DVD)

I haven't had much luck (I typed "lick" the first time. It's hardwired.) with DVDs reviewed here--the exception being Bill & Desiree, but that almost doesn't count 'cause the documentary-style Comstock Films are in a league of their own. Man's Ruin was too weird for words, and Annie Sprinkle... well, let's just say she must be an acquired taste.

I was hoping Champion would turn the tide. Instead, I'm afraid it just set the porn bar too high. There is a real plot in this 90-minute flick, though having read the storyline on the website prior to watching made it easier to grok 'cause the limited dialog sounded muffled. (A couple times, we backed up the DVD to listen again.) It's got the whole 3-act play story arc thing goin' on, and it's not badly acted. Take out the sex, and the film would be about 15 minutes long, so there's no need to worry about too little sex. Each sex scene (there are 5, and they are each distinctive) is fully-realized without excessive camera cuts. There is NO "cheesey outer layer" here. The actors give NO indication that they are performing for the cameras, which is absolutely wonderful.

I found the sex extremely hot for a variety of reasons, not least of which was the utter lack of misogyny found in the vast majority of porn. The bodies were all deliciously lean and toned (NOT stick figures or enormous-breasted "bimbo" types) in a way that says, "I respect myself." Win! However, from a casting perspective, the characters of Violet, Jessie, and Cathy were almost too similar in stature, hair, and tone. Fortunately, it's a look that appeals to me-- especially the impish features of Jiz Lee.

The lack of gender conformity in most of the cast was a bit off-putting to my partner, but I found it refreshing and honest. The visual is not a turn on... but it's not a turn off, either. If that makes any sense. (Whereas the over-the-top airbrushed silicone-enhanced centerfold types do nothing but make me angry at myself for feeling wrinkled and fat and... inferior. Bleh. Get that shit out of my face. It is NOT a turn on.) The integrity IS a turn on. Being yourself in the midst of pressure to conform is huge for me, and something that requires courage and determination.

The drum score added to the tension and its resolution, rather than providing lame techno accompaniment, and it didn't drown out the genuine-sounding vocalizations of the actors. There was never an obviously-faked orgasm, and without a biological penis on the set, no obligatory money shots. Huzzah! The dick was not missed, believe me. Syd Blakovich can drive a strap as well as (or better) than any I've ever seen--and look as sleek and toned as a panther while doing it.

The film was exceptionally well-directed (by Shine Louise Houston) and edited. The fact that the sex scenes ran a little long by conventional, instant-gratification standards only served to make them feel more genuine and satisfying.

Two thumbs up for Champion!

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

For porn that is so much more than just porn, get knocked out by the adult DVD Champion, award-winning director Shine Louise Houston’s latest masterpiece. Don’t get us wrong, this film features plenty of scorching-hot queer sex, but it’s also got a strong, captivating plot. Hotshot martial artist Jessie Easton is training for the fight of her career, yet she’s haunted by past love and current, undeniable attraction to her opponent, Violet Vahn. Throw in some conflict with corrupt nemesis Bobby Malone, and you’ve got an intensely erotic and masterful crossover film. Whether Jessie wins or loses the fight, you’ll be squirming in more ways than one. Please refer to our return policy for this product.

• Released: 2008
• Length: 90 minutes
• Director: Shine Louise Houston
• Noteworthy Stars: Syd Blakovich, Madison Young, Jiz Lee, Dylan Ryan

Gold Digger Vibe

Mr. Marcus Gold Digger Vibrator

I will say right now that on receiving this vibe to review I had no idea who Mr. Marcus was, or what his association with Doc Johnson is, seeing as how her name is attached to this product as well. A Google search quickly rectified things, as I discovered Mr. Marcus is an adult film actor. I'll hazard a guess that an adult film actor doesn't truly graduate to "porn star" until he or she has a line of sex toys. Normally one would think their private parts are cast with plaster to mass manufacture dildos and sleeves in some Asian factory, but the Gold Digger has the look of a simple vibe, presumably for beginners.

There are two varieties of the Gold Digger (for some reason I can't get Shirley Bassey's singing voice out of my head, so bear with me): a four-inch and a 6.5-inch. I was given the latter, marked on the package as "Big Daddy's Favorite." Whether Big Daddy prefers to use this on himself or others is not specified, but it is definitely not modeled realistically on any part of any daddy. The black surface is all smooth and soft to the touch—not hard plastic but not quite the squishy silicone I'm used to, either. If you recall my review last year of the Grapevine Vibe, you'll know the texture is the same. As for actual gold, there isn't any—the base of the toy is bejeweled with a bit of "bling" which, though it would look pretty while standing the vibe upright on a table or something—doesn't really do much for the toy's performance. Babeland describes this toy as:

Get your bling on—with minimal investment—thanks to the luxe-looking, super affordable Gold Digger vibrator. Classy golden jewels stud the bottom of the waterproof, velvety plastic shell, and gentle vibrations purr through the variable-speed dial, making this diva-pleaser just as handy for the clit as it is for penetration. Please use a condom for insertion to keep your jewels sitting pretty.

• Size: 6” x 1-1/4”
• Material: Hard plastic
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Two AA

Batteries are not included, and neither are condoms. I will take issue with the volume rating on this toy because when I did turn it on, I thought it was quite loud for it ssize. Compared to the whisper-buzz of the Grapevine, the Gold Digger sounded like it actually was drilling the ground, even at a low speed.

For penetration, the Gold Digger does offer some satisfaction. The curvature seemed to fit well, providing a nice friction when used. Clitoral stimulation took a bit longer than my usual bullet, but the vibrating sensation inside didn't feel uncomfortable or jarring, inside or out. This having a "velvet"-style exterior, it should definitely be cleaned well after use.

Given its size and price ($20), the Gold Digger would make a good first vibrator for sex toy newbs, or a travel toy for anyone who doesn't want to pack the heavier stuff.

~ Leigh Ellwood
www.leighellwood.com

Sliquid Organics Silk

"Organic" things intrigue me. I don't quite understand them--or their allure--but I admit a fascination with the concept. I mean, the dictionary defines organic as "characteristic of, pertaining to, or derived from living organisms." That covers a whole lotta territory, especially if one includes carbon composites -- which, in order to contain dimethicone (a common silicone lubricant) one must. So, organic simply means it was made from living or once-living stuff. Well, that's damned near everything on Earth now, isn't it?

But, be that as it may, organic has never been a selling point for me -- simply because it's such slippery word (which one might consider a good selling point for a lube -- but I digress).

This product is thick and creamy, in both texture and appearance. It's not clear, as are most lubes these days. It looks like jizm, really. It doesn't drip like jizm, though. Stays put in a tidy little dollop. And it has no scent what.so.ever.

I thought it had a very faint soapy aftertaste. My partner said it reminded him of sunscreen. We're both probably noticing the taste of the aloe, which is a major (#3) ingredient.

As a lubricant, it worked just fine with The Boss. It's non-staining, water-based, and water-soluble, so I didn't have to worry about if or where it went. And, since I tested solo, I didn't have to bother my pretty little head about that pesky aftertaste. I wouldn't reach for this product if oral sex was on the menu, though. It's not baaaaaaaad, mind you. Hell, I've tasted more soap on people who haven't, perhaps, rinsed thoroughly. The action still happens, but there's an unnecessary distraction. Y'know? Why introduce distractions?

If it matters to you, the label says the ingredients are Vegan (yes, with a capital V) and most (but not all) of them have a little asterisks indicating they're "certified organic."

The label also says it's hypoallergenic, which is another one of those slippery words. It means, "No one's allergic to this... unless they are." Anytime you have organic ingredients, there is the potential for allergic reaction. Period.

So, given that most of the product's claims are not all that important to me, I still give it a positive review on form, function, and (lack of) friction. If "organic" and "Vegan" (with a capital V) and "hypoallergenic" are important to you, then you might want to give it a try!

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Go green (without sacrificing silkiness and staying power) with Sliquid Organics Silk lubricant. This water-based lube contains 12% hypoallergenic silicone for a creamy texture that lasts and lasts, making Sliquid Organics Silk a great choice for delicate, sensitive tissues. The earth- and body-friendly formula also contains organic extracts like soothing aloe vera, healing vitamin E, and invigorating green tea and hibiscus. The texture is similar to the standard Sliquid Silk. As always, Sliquid lubes are glycerin-free and paraben-free. And once you’ve made your way through the bottle, it’s 100% recyclable. Not for use with silicone toys.

• Size: 4-1/5 ounces, 8-1/2 ounces
• Formula Base: Water, silicone
• Ingredients: Purified Water, Plant Cellulose (from Cotton), Aloe Barbadensis*, Natural Tocopherols (Vitamin E), Extracts of Hibiscus*, Flax*, Green Tea* & Sunflower Seed*, Isopropyl Palmitate, Polysorbate 20, Dimethicone, Emollient Ester, Phenoxyethanol (Rose Ether)

*Organic botanical extracts are independently certified by Quality Certification Services in compliance with the USDA National Organic Program.

The Boss

The Boss was awaiting my return from the Romantic Times BookLovers Convention in Orlando. Great, I thought! A Fun Factory exclusive from Babeland. An orgasmic win-win!

The first thing I noticed was that it was packaged in a Babeland box with ZERO instructions on how to open the battery compartment and insert the AA batteries. Fail. I had to go to the Fun Factory website, find a similar product, and download its PDF user guide in order to figure it out -- because it is NOT obvious. For a high-end ($58) product, that's damned near unforgivable.

I got over that annoyance and moved on to the fun part...

Given its girth, I tested this toy along with Sliquid Organics Silk (reviewed separately).

The Boss I received is black & grey, not the (seemingly) requisite sex-toy-purple. It's a bit longer AND girthier than I gathered from the photos. Perhaps a visual is in order. See how it stacks up to my Hitachi? The Boss is a big pleasure puppy. I've known guys this big, but they're few & far between (and quite often lousy lovers, thinking their impressive equipment is all they need to please a partner). It's heavy, too. The shaft is silicone and somewhat floppy--kinda like an 80% erection. It'll go in without bending, but there's more flexibility there than with a raging boner.

The end cap is rigid with a knob that turns to adjust the strength of the vibration. It's not easy to manipulate when slippery-wet, but it's not likely to be changed unintentionally, either. Even at its highest setting, the vibration is nothing to write home about, but coupled with the aforementioned girthiness, it gets the job done in relatively short order.

As a g-spot toy, I didn't appreciate it. I found that I enjoyed The Boss externally as much as, perhaps more than, inserted. The vibrations, while strongest at the base of the shaft, are well conducted throughout its length. Thus, I was able to stimulate myself from bow to stern without even moving the toy. It wasn't easy to grip this way, especially when lubed, but movement wasn't absolutely necessary to be effective.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Let Babeland be The Boss, with our exclusive new Fun Factory vibrator. This is the G-spot vibrator we have always dreamed of letting take control! Finally a realistically-shaped silicone insertable vibrator with a strong, localized internal buzz. We wanted The Boss to be hefty (check), soft silicone (yep), and with a sweet tilt just right for the G-spot (it is!). Add in the shower-friendly splashproof shell and vibrant Fun Factory colors, and you’ve got a toy which will put you in your place and show you who's The Boss, every time! Color may vary. Available only at Babeland!

• Size: 8-3/4” x 1-3/5”
• Material: Silicone
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Two AA

Bloomy

I typically adore Fun Factory products. They're funky, irreverent, yet serious in their intent to deliver pleasure. And they're 100% silicone, which makes cleanup simpler. So, it was with great anticipation that I requested Bloomy to review.

As a butt toy, which is how Bloomy is primarily marketed, this product fulfills its mission admirably. It's not too big and not too small. It's not too smooth and not too bumpy. It's not too rigid and not too floppy for the butt. Its "tongue" provides perfectly placed perineal stimulation, especially with a bit of lubricant (natural or otherwise). And it's got an ideal finger-ring handle for solo play or for the convenience of a partner who multi-tasks (as all good partners should).

Bloomy can also be used vaginally. (As always, sterilize toys before and after use -- especially when previously used anally. Silicone can be boiled, bleached, or put in the dishwasher. Hibiclens is another option. Can't be TOO careful. Use a condom over toys when shared or when in doubt of their cleanliness.) Bloomy is a bit too floppy for my tastes as a vaginal toy, but it does connect well with both g-spot and clitoris, and its smooth surface feels quite yummy. Some foks add an egg vibrator in the finger ring (which is too big for a standard bullet), but that does remove the functionality of the ring as a grip. I didn't care for that approach vaginally or anally.

My recommendation? Buy Bloomy for your anal arsenal. If it happens to also trip your (or your partner's) pussy triggers, all the better.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

The only thing better than a beautiful sex toy is a beautiful sex toy with multiple functions, and the Bloomy leads the pack in both categories. Pliable, body-friendly silicone loops and swirls into a delicate bloom shape that’s perfect for G-spot or prostate stimulation. Try it as a dildo, a PC muscle exerciser, or a butt plug... it might even do the grocery shopping if you’re nice to it. Seriously, we’re head-over-heels for this versatile, gorgeously designed toy from Fun Factory.

• Size: 3-1/4” x 1-1/3”
• Material: Silicone

Sex Casino

It's Las Vegas in your bedroom!

With one die bearing a noun (body part) and the other a verb (lick, suck, tickle, etc.), every roll of the dice results in pleasure. Spin the dial for some erotic instructions. Play strip pok-her. Let the chips fall where they may! The possibilities are endless.

I took this set of suggestive Sex Casino games with me to a recent gathering of hedonists and, while we didn't play any of the suggested variations, we did have a helluva good time creating new ones.

Great for an uninhibited party or an intimate soiree, I bet (*poke* Bet. Get it?) you'll never get tired of the many ways to cash in on this game.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Spin, bet, roll and romp your way to a scorching good time with Sex Casino adult game. Sex Casino includes everything you need to turn your bedroom into a pleasure mecca: playing cards with sexual favor betting chips, naughty dice, scratch-and-win sex lotto cards, a sexy spinner game, and a manual that describes 25 provocative games. Remember: you can’t win if you don’t play! And the best part is that whether you win or lose, you’re definitely going to get lucky. Makes a perfect gift for your favorite bachelor, bachelorette, or friend, or bring it home for a weekend-long date at home with your partner.

Peridise

The latest toy I've enjoyed reviewing is a markedly different type of sexual aid called the Aneros Peridise.

These Unisex Anal PC Toys are unique and are available in different sizes and shapes. They are made of a rigid white plastic polymer, are completely waterproof, and are latex and phthalate free.

The Peridise Advanced Pack contains two Peridise toys. These particular toys measure 4 inches in length, the larger having a 2.5 inch circumference while the thinner is 2 inches.

Unlike other anal toys, you are supposed to begin with the larger of the two and then work your way down. In this case, the thinner the toy, the more intense the orgasm.

The original intent of this toy was medicinal, designed as a way to use the healing power of massage in the anal-rectal region. And it does indeed promote the health of this area with invigorating benefits and increased blood flow.

But scientists soon realized an unexpected benefit. The large number of nerve endings and muscles in the anus combined with the action of peristalsis (organized muscle contractions that occur throughout the digestive tract) created very pleasurable sensations and, interestingly, much stronger orgasms.

Hurray for science!

Anally erotic as I am, I couldn't wait to give these things a try.

I decided to use the Peridise in solo play only, Sarah's Happy Time. Anal is not for everyone and this type of play can be a very personal thing.

Additionally, these toys are extremely rigid, and perhaps aren't really designed to be used in tandem with your partner occupying your other orifice. Ahem.

So after ensuring cleanliness and applying some lube, I slowly inserted the larger of the two. Partially. Just the tip. This is the purpose of this specialty toy.

After minimal insertion, you're supposed to relax and allow your body's natural reactions to take over. It was almost maddening for me to stop at this point so I decided to add a bit of vibrator play. That worked for awhile but soon I could feel fluctuations and the beginning waves of anal contractions.

With a bit of clenching and relaxing, a sort of tug of war game ensued with my parts, and I found myself in an unexpected but powerful orgasm.

The Peridise moves by itself along with your own body movements. It's possible to draw the tool in and out with your own muscles, adding to the pleasurable sensations. You'll feel your anus unconsciously reacting, adding lovely little twinges and miniature orgasms and soon the peristaltic waves will become stronger and more rapid.

With practice, you'll have further control. And the unique shapes of the Peridise toys will have differing pleasurable effects. And stronger orgasms.

It's a specialty tool designed for experienced anal play, and I must confess I've yet to share it with my partner. But it's well worth the effort to develop the skills.

~ Sarah Rose

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Come one, come all with the superlative all-orgasms-intensified, all-genders-satisfied Peridise anal plugs. No one knows your butt—and how to please it—better than Aneros, and they’ve sculpted two sets of plugs sure to find your sweet spot comfortably and easily: just gripping the Peridise induces involuntary contractions in the anal muscle, generating regional orgasms (buttgasms?), or intensifying traditional orgasms for men and women. Get two larger plugs in the beginner set, and two smaller plugs in the Advanced (stronger muscles can grip a smaller toy). Insertion is easy with the thoughtfully tapered head, and the design allows for easy movement and a comfortable hands-free and wearable fit.

• Size/Beginner: 4" x 3/5", 4" x 4/5"
• Size/Advanced: 3-3/4” x 7/10”, 3-3/4" x 9/10"
• Material: Hard plastic

Black Large Rubber Whip

Remember elementary school? Remember those little rubber bands that the class bully used to fire at unsuspecting kids? Remember how they stung? The kind of slightly delayed pinch-burn? Now, magnify that by about 100 strands, remove the humiliation (unless that's your kink), and add sexual arousal.

Rubber stings, my friend. It's so unlike the thud-caress of a leather flogger. This little number might not look as capable as its big, deerhide cousin, but what it lacks in visual impressiveness, it more than makes up in sensory stimulation. With the same swing, the Black Large Rubber Whip from Babeland can deliver welt-producing blows.

Or, used in a gentler fashion, the strands tickle and tease. Should they acquire a glaze of lube or bodily fluid, they can easily be washed off (unlike leather, which requires more involved cleaning procedures). This is a great addition to the kink enthusiast's toy box, and its $30 price tag won't set you back.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Brush the soft strands of the Black Large Rubber Whip across your lover’s body, and you’ll hear soft sighs; snap it against an unsuspecting behind, and you’ll hear delighted gasps. The largest of our rubber whips (see also Pink Medium and Red Mini, sold separately) this black stallion really delivers the look and feel of a rough ride. With a little restraint, you’ll be able to build up the sensation from light strokes to an intense climax. Makes a great gift for couples or singles looking to experiment with kink.

• Size: 22"
• Material: Rubber

Isis

I appreciate an impressively-packaged product, and the Isis from Emotional Bliss certainly qualifies. When I saw the box, I thought I'd been shipped the wrong vibrator, because an itty bitty finger vibe couldn't possibly need such a big box. In truth, the box is at least twice the size it needs to be. But it's nifty, and it makes you feel like you're getting more for your money. Still, it's wasteful. See how wishy-washy I am on this matter?

Inside was the Isis vibe (a rechargeable fingertip number), three sizes of interchangeable finger clips, (from the teeny pinkie-sized to the "one-for-the-thumb" Steelers variety) the charging adapter, two 30ml bottles of lubricant (one water-based, one silicone), and a very entertaining instruction booklet. The booklet claims that the 80Hz at which the Isis vibrates is the "proven frequency to stimulate orgasm." I found this most amusing, for some inexplicable reason. The website further clarifies: "80Hz - the speed suggested to be the most likely to stimulate orgasms in women aged 18-30" (recommending its big sister, the Chandra, for women over 30 because it vibrates at 110Hz). Well, I'm 45, so I'm not quite sure whether my word should be trusted on the efficacy of this product. After all, I'm a decade and a half past the target orgasm demographic.

Now, according to a Medscape article touting the benefits of "vibration anesthesia" *eek* prior to BoTox injections, the Hitachi Magic Wand works at 5,000 or 6,000 vibrations per minute (83 Hz or 100 Hz), and I can assure you that the Isis doesn't feel anywhere NEAR as powerful. I can also assure you that my Hitachi has only anesthetized me in terms of a post-orgasmic rush of oxytocin bliss. YMMV. This intrepid researcher is of the opinion that it's the amplitude, rather than the frequency, that makes a toy super extra special. The Isis buzzes like a bullet vibe, which is about all a reasonable person can expect from a motor that size. (FYI: Of the smallest products, I think the We-vibe has the strongest vibration.)

The website claims: It is practically silent and is fully rechargeable so it can run for 2-3 hours – plenty of time to reach that ultimate orgasm. I'm sorry, but I don't know anyone who has the time OR the energy to masturbate for 2-3 hours in search of an orgasm. Maybe I'm greedy, but if a toy hasn't gotten me off within 20 minutes, I'm calling in the artillery (under the command of General Hitachi).

The lubes aren't anything worth writing home about. They claim to be tasteless. While they weren't (to me), they also weren't repulsive.

Bottom line? If you can get off with a bullet vibe solo, then you can get off with the Isis solo. However, what's neat about the Isis is that it's rechargeable. I cannot stand those button batteries, and I primarily avoid bullet vibes for that reason. And, it's got that nifty finger clip which makes playing with lube sooooooo much easier. Ever try to hang on to a slippery bullet vibe? It's a challenge.

Partner play, however, is where the Isis can really shine. Super convenient, easy to power on or off, won't get in the way or interrupt the flow of the action. It just provides that extra little boost of stimulation to add to the excitement.

Until next time,

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

The smallest rechargeable finger-fitting vibrator in the world offers mild vibration—great for massage, masturbation and getting you over the top in partner sex. You can try all three in one session since the Isis holds a charge for up to three hours. Includes several different finger-ring sizes so it's easy to share. A top-quality vibrator: excellent for first-timers, quiet, and very portable. Blue and white. Includes international converter for charger. Speed is 80 Hz. Please refer to our return policy for this product.

• Size: 2-1/2" x 3/4"
• Material: Non-porous TPE plastic
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Rechargeable

Emotional Bliss products are wildly popular in Europe but are only available through select channels in the USA. Babeland is one of the chosen purveyors of the range.

Hot Heart Massage Set

I was skeptical. I thought it was a cheap gimmick but, much to my surprise, this thing is cool. I mean, it's hot. And it's on sale, too! The fluid-filled heart contains a little metal disk that you flex to active the stuff that gets hot. Then, for the next 20-30 minutes, it's like a little heating pad. Add a bit of the lovely massage oil that comes with it, and you have the recipe for relaxation.

The first time I tested this product, I was alone. I crawled in bed, got comfy, activated the disk thingy, and rubbed the hot heart over my sore shoulders. I wanted to time how long it stayed hot, but the next thing I knew, it was morning.

So, I boiled the heart for 7 minutes (per the instructions) to re-set the... whatever it's called inside there and, once it cooled, asked my partner to help me test it again. I received a vigorous back massage, and the heart stayed hot for a good 10 minutes after my partner ran out of steam.

My only complaint is that the edges of the heart can be kinda rough if you don't hold it just right. The oil helps, of course, but the manufacturer could work on design improvement there. I tried to research the company (Lover's Choice), because I'd like to buy more of the light, citrus massage oil that was included in the package, but the website was not responding.

It's a wee bit of a pain to boil the heart to re-set it, but that's a minor inconvenience. I plan to keep this handy and ready for use, right next to the other go-to products on my nightstand.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Make your next massage warmer (and hotter!) with the steamy Hot Heart Massager. A five-inch, heart-shaped PVC pack heats up when you flex the small metal disc inside. Sprinkle on a few drops of the included three-ounce fragrant Citrus Blossom Massage oil and indulge in a relaxing, deep heat massage that soothes tired muscles and wakes up erogenous zones. First-aid packs and hand warmers function on the same heating principle: by flexing the metal disc you create a chain reaction that causes the pad to crystallize, and then heat up to about 130 degrees. The heart holds heat for thirty minutes and can be reactivated in boiling water. Note that if the heart massager arrives crystallized, just melt in boiling water and let cool before reheating to use. Includes a mini massage guide. Note that this toy is not a vibrator, and is not recommended for use on the genitals.

• Size: 5" x 5"
• Material: PVC

Good Clean Love

This line of water-based lubricants touts itself as "all natural." Okay. What exactly does the word "natural" mean in this context? To me, "natural" means a substance that occurs in nature without the interference of a chemist and a laboratory. With an ingredients list that includes deonixed water, lactoperoxidase, glucose oxidase, and benzoic acid, I kinda doubt my definition applies. That leaves me wondering just how the word "natural" DOES apply to these ingredients. I mean, if a chemist in a laboratory is required, then damned near anything and everything made from ingredients found on our planet qualifies as natural, as well.

This line of products also claims to be 99.99% vegan. Now, do they really think that minuscule 0.01% will be insignificant to a vegan? A vegan! I mean, vegans are uber-sticklers for details. A person can't be "kinda vegan" any more than a woman can be "kinda pregnant." Vegans are the fundamentalist branch of the vegetarian family.

A selling point I can (and do) applaud is the "no animal products or animal testing." Huzzah!

Frankly, I've never put much thought into the chemical composition of lubricant other than ensuring that it's: (a) compatible with my toys, (b) suitable to the planned activity, and (c) safe with latex condoms.

Water-based lubricants are (unless color is added, of course) non-staining. They are also safe to use in any situation, although they will not be effective under water because (duh!) they become diluted in the water. They're also the most compatible with oral sex, because they are easily flavored and can avoid indigestible ingredients (like dimethicone).

The manufacturer's website says "90% of the OTC lubes available are made with chemicals designed first for cars or oven cleaner." Um, so what? Just because Tang was designed for the astronauts doesn't mean it's not drinkable. Okay, bad example... but you get the idea. Innovation is innovation, and finding new uses for existing things is just *grin* innovating.

The site also claims that "all of our lubricants are edible and delicious."

I received the "Almost Naked" flavor to review, which is not available on the Babeland site. While it may be "edible" in the sense that it won't kill you or make you hurl, it's FAR from "delicious." In fact, it's barely tolerable on the taste buds. If I went down on a partner--male or female--who'd been lubed with this product, I'd be unable to hang long enough to give or receive any satisfaction from the activity.

I can't imagine the Lavender Rose being any better. (Who wants to taste a Lavender Rose cock? Really? And a Lavender Rose pussy would be too much like the sachets that my grandmother used to keep in her "unmentionables" drawer. I'll pass!)

The Peppermint (not yet available on the Babeland site) and the Cinnamon Vanilla sound more promising, although they still have to overcome the medicinal taste of aloe, which is a primary ingredient.

As for the lubricant itself, it was gloopier than other water-based products, probably due to the agar. Agar is a gelantinous seaweed derivative that is also used as a laxative and a thickener for soups. (See above re innovation and multiple uses for the same substances.) But, it was satisfactorily slippery through a rather lengthy activity, and cleanup was a breeze. I did not use it internally, however, because it contains glucose. While the benzoic acid is a preservative, I didn't see any reason to invite a yeast infection by putting sugar in my snatch.

One bonus: the aloe left me feeling very, very soft and silky in a place that is very, very soft and silky to begin with. I think this product would make a damned fine massage gel. I'd only use it again for sex if the taste factor wasn't going to *ahem* come into play.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Make your lubricant the flower-infused, healing Good Clean Love—even if your sex is down and dirty! Real herbs and flowers—like cinnamon sticks and whole rosebuds—combine with aloe for a slippery, skin-friendly experience. Try tasty Cinnamon Vanilla or non-irritating Lavender Rose.

• Size: 4 ounces
• Formula Base: Water
• Ingredients/Cinnamon Vanilla: Deionized Water, Agar, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Xanthan Gum, Cinnamomum Cassia Bark, Vanilla Planifolia Fruit, Vegetable Glycerin, Glucose, Lactoperoxidase, Oxidase Glucose, Benzoic Acid
• Ingredients/Lavendar Rose: Deionized Water, Agar, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Xanthan Gum, Lavandula Angustifolia (Lavendar), Rosa Damascena Flower, Glucose, Lactoperoxidase, Vegetable Glycerin, Glucose Oxidase, Benzoic Acid

Dynamic Duo

A Toys for Tarts guest review:

From the first sight, I knew this wasn’t just an ordinary bullet duo. It’s cool green clear plastic controller with the two silver bullets has one thinking “alien probes” and all the fun those thoughts inspire. Loading up the toy with batteries, I dialed on the controller and the bullet leaped to command, a fun powerful vibration which had it dancing across my hand, bed and my partner’s chest. It sent a shiver of excitement through me as my partner dangled the bullet by the cord and watched it dance around my nipples. He then had the other sliding down to my pussy and had me squirming all over from the powerful vibrations. With one in my pussy and one swirling around my nipples, I was soon moaning in pleasure. The controller goes from a powerful vibe to a clit numbing sensation. The dial controls don’t give you a pulse option but the power is there to stimulate. This isn't a device you can use to wear to the office because the buzzing could have someone wondering what is happening.

~ One Lusty Wench

Here's what Babeland has to say about the Dynamic Duo:

Fighting with your partner over who gets to go first? Can’t decide whether you like a throbbing pulse or a rapid buzz? The Dynamic Duo swoops in and saves the day: separate variable-speed control dials mean you can tickle two erogenous zones at the same time, thrill to two different levels of sensation, or get off at the same time as your partner. And separate jacks mean the 37-1/2” cords stretch further, making it even easier to hit just the right spots.

• Size: Bullet: 2-1/4” x 1” controller: 3” x 5”
• Material: Silver plastic
• Batteries: Four AA