Seven Minutes in Heaven

“Reality porn is coming out of the closet in this first ever gonzo queer film.”

That's what the website says. I won't argue with the reality part, 'cause it doesn't appear there's much scripting, but gonzo? I wouldn't call it gonzo. Gonzo, to me, means there's nothing other than the sex of interest. This is more like documentary porn -- a la Comstock Films (but more hedonistic and minus the love). Each of the cast speaks to the camera for a few seconds, sharing their experiences or expectations. I truly enjoyed this aspect... and would've enjoyed it even more if I didn't have to struggle to hear what they were saying. (The sound, not to put too fine a point on it, sucked. And the soundtrack wasn't much better. Seems that sound -- other than the moaning and grunting -- isn't high on the priority list of production values for porn. Pity.)

Not quite sure where the title came from unless it's just an extension of the two party games (Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle) briefly played on screen. The subtitle "Coming Out" is also misleading. A couple of the women say it's their first experience with a woman and their first experience on camera. That's a cherry-popper, not a coming out.

The bodies aren't plastic or perfect, which is wonderful. Plastic/perfect is the main reason I just can't embrace traditional porn. It fucks with my feelings about my own body -- and I struggle with that quite enough with my clothes ON. I don't need it shoved in my face when I'm naked.

So, the sex scenes? They're... interesting. Some are kinda hot. Some, I suppose, would find certain elements kinky or transgressive. The orgasms appear to be genuine, too. Perhaps I'm jaded, but when you can sit in bed with your partner and watch other people having sex for almost 2 hours without it resulting in your own uncontrollable mattress aerobics... well, the sex you're watching is just not THAT hot. I mean, yeah,  it turned me on. And, yeah, we played... but after we finished watching, not during. Maybe that just makes me a conscientious reviewer. Ya think?

Bottom line: I don't regret the time I spent watching this film, but it's not one I'm likely to re-watch, either. As always, YMMV.

peace and passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Good Releasing has to say:

Reality porn is coming out of the closet in this first ever gonzo queer film. Award-winning director Courtney Trouble invites 7 diverse, fresh-faced performers to a kinky slumber-party for fun and games… only tonight there are no rules, no limits and no bedtime! The amateur cast picks their own partners, their own sex toys and their own ways of getting off. Spin the Bottle inspires an unscripted fuck-fest and first-time fantasies come true during a Truth or Dare strap-on sex scene. With honest video confessions, authentic orgasms and natural bodies, Seven Minutes in Heaven is the real queer deal.

Champion (DVD)

I haven't had much luck (I typed "lick" the first time. It's hardwired.) with DVDs reviewed here--the exception being Bill & Desiree, but that almost doesn't count 'cause the documentary-style Comstock Films are in a league of their own. Man's Ruin was too weird for words, and Annie Sprinkle... well, let's just say she must be an acquired taste.

I was hoping Champion would turn the tide. Instead, I'm afraid it just set the porn bar too high. There is a real plot in this 90-minute flick, though having read the storyline on the website prior to watching made it easier to grok 'cause the limited dialog sounded muffled. (A couple times, we backed up the DVD to listen again.) It's got the whole 3-act play story arc thing goin' on, and it's not badly acted. Take out the sex, and the film would be about 15 minutes long, so there's no need to worry about too little sex. Each sex scene (there are 5, and they are each distinctive) is fully-realized without excessive camera cuts. There is NO "cheesey outer layer" here. The actors give NO indication that they are performing for the cameras, which is absolutely wonderful.

I found the sex extremely hot for a variety of reasons, not least of which was the utter lack of misogyny found in the vast majority of porn. The bodies were all deliciously lean and toned (NOT stick figures or enormous-breasted "bimbo" types) in a way that says, "I respect myself." Win! However, from a casting perspective, the characters of Violet, Jessie, and Cathy were almost too similar in stature, hair, and tone. Fortunately, it's a look that appeals to me-- especially the impish features of Jiz Lee.

The lack of gender conformity in most of the cast was a bit off-putting to my partner, but I found it refreshing and honest. The visual is not a turn on... but it's not a turn off, either. If that makes any sense. (Whereas the over-the-top airbrushed silicone-enhanced centerfold types do nothing but make me angry at myself for feeling wrinkled and fat and... inferior. Bleh. Get that shit out of my face. It is NOT a turn on.) The integrity IS a turn on. Being yourself in the midst of pressure to conform is huge for me, and something that requires courage and determination.

The drum score added to the tension and its resolution, rather than providing lame techno accompaniment, and it didn't drown out the genuine-sounding vocalizations of the actors. There was never an obviously-faked orgasm, and without a biological penis on the set, no obligatory money shots. Huzzah! The dick was not missed, believe me. Syd Blakovich can drive a strap as well as (or better) than any I've ever seen--and look as sleek and toned as a panther while doing it.

The film was exceptionally well-directed (by Shine Louise Houston) and edited. The fact that the sex scenes ran a little long by conventional, instant-gratification standards only served to make them feel more genuine and satisfying.

Two thumbs up for Champion!

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

For porn that is so much more than just porn, get knocked out by the adult DVD Champion, award-winning director Shine Louise Houston’s latest masterpiece. Don’t get us wrong, this film features plenty of scorching-hot queer sex, but it’s also got a strong, captivating plot. Hotshot martial artist Jessie Easton is training for the fight of her career, yet she’s haunted by past love and current, undeniable attraction to her opponent, Violet Vahn. Throw in some conflict with corrupt nemesis Bobby Malone, and you’ve got an intensely erotic and masterful crossover film. Whether Jessie wins or loses the fight, you’ll be squirming in more ways than one. Please refer to our return policy for this product.

• Released: 2008
• Length: 90 minutes
• Director: Shine Louise Houston
• Noteworthy Stars: Syd Blakovich, Madison Young, Jiz Lee, Dylan Ryan

Bill & Desiree: Love Is Timeless

When Bill asked me to do this review, I first let out a "Whoop!" then responded with an enthusiastic "Hell, yes!" email. Of course, he couldn't hear the shout, but I hope my enthusiasm came through the words on the screen. I've been intensely curious about Comstock Films since I first became aware of them, and I intended to acquire & review each -- just had never made the time. I had watched each of the previews on the website and was virtually paralyzed with indecision on which title to do first. Thankfully, Bill decided for me.

This film is a perfect example of the difference between the erotic and the pornographic (which is, incidentally, a subject I've been attempting to discuss on Squidoo). While the subject matter is undoubtedly adult and delightfully explicit, it is definitely not porn. Watching a committed couple have sex -- make love, if that's the terminology preferred -- is far, far different than the choreographed artificiality and staged cum shots of the typical porn fare. It is both titillating and empowering, something that can't be said about any adult film I've ever seen... until now.

The most striking aspect of this documentary-style feature is the wondrous awe with which both Bill & Desiree approach each other and their sex. They not only get off together, they have bawdy, uninhibited FUN while doing it. Everyone should be blessed with such a relationship! Intermingled with the soft sighs and orgasmic moans, there is giggling and grinning. The clear adoration in Bill's expression makes this DVD worth its weight in gold.

In fact, although I'm not suggesting anyone do so, this is precisely the type of positive portrayal that youth should have as their first exposure to sex and relationships.  Ever wonder what the world would be like if our first impressions of "ideal" sex weren't formed by unrealisitically-proportioned bodies being objectified or completely degraded? Unfortunately, it takes people decades to overcome the stigma of "perfection" in both their bodies and their sex lives. Some -- both women and men -- never do, and that's a damned shame.

The sex is incredibly hot and incredibly fun, and getting to know Bill & Desiree through the candid interview is the icing on this pleasure cake.  Beautiful people sharing a beautiful love story. Kudos to Comstock Films!

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

~ ~ ~

Bill & Desiree: Love is Timeless is the latest installment in director Tony Comstock's award-winning Real People, Real Life, Real Sex series of erotic documentaries.

Bill and Desiree's story starts in the second half of life: a chance meeting, a powerful attraction, a carnal connection, and a deep, sensual love. Through an intimate and lively interview, we hear the story of how Bill and Desiree met, and what drew them to each other. When we witness the playful intensity of their beautifully photographed lovemaking, we see that pleasure is ageless, and that love is indeed timeless!

Bill & Desiree: Love is Timeless is a film about passion, about desire; a film that gives older lovers a reason to celebrate, and younger lovers something to look forward to. Bill & Desiree: Love is Timeless is a film that invites us to re-imagine what love can be and should be in our later years.

Annie Sprinkle’s Amazing World of Orgasm

I'm not sure what I expected from this DVD, but what I got definitely was not it. It's been touted as a "must see" for those wishing to learn more about orgasm. I disagree. Totally. I suppose if I could figure out the target audience, I might be able to pen a more favorable review. I don't think those who are having trouble reaching orgasm will derive much benefit from the information shared. In fact, it would intimidate many, especially more vanilla folk (who often seem to be most in need of accurate, practical information). And I don't think those who simply seek more and/or better orgasms will benefit either.

The novice is not going to find reassurance or practical tips beyond the "go with the flow" message. The advice is not bad, mind you; it's just recycled. The expert is just going to shrug and say, "Well, duh."

The best I can say about this 2004 film is that it does well in capturing the diversity of approach to orgasm. To that end, it succeeds almost too well because the diversity of its cast is more intriguing than the advice provided.
There were a couple too-brief segments which attempted to define various types of orgasm that I found interesting, but on the whole, I thought the production was rather disorganized. Add to that the distracting, new-agey graphics, and the whole 53-minute thing was difficult to endure. It's not going to win any awards for editing, direction, sound, or special effects. That's for damned sure.

Orgasm is undoubtedly a multi-faceted beast. It can be physical, emotional, or spiritual (or any combination of the three), and I don't think any form of orgasm instruction would be complete without addressing those aspects. However, this film focuses too heavily on the spiritual, almost to the exclusion of the actual mechanics of orgasm, to be of any instructional value.

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Man's Ruin

When I ordered this DVD, I expected something different, and I sure as hell got it. This has to be the strangest porn flick I've ever seen. The title makes no sense whatsoever, since no one but the damsel in unconvincing distress is facing ruin -- lest you count all our immortal porn-consuming souls, I suppose.

Does it have a plot? Well, yeah. The protagonist -- played by Melodie Gore -- is sucked into a video game where she must rescue Go-Go from sexual torture (a la fucking machine wielded by a muttering dominatrix with a riding crop and a shock wand). In the process, she travels through five game venues featuring different sexual scenarios: a M/F medical-shaving-foot fetish scene with a semen-collecting squid (I kid you not); a disturbingly vanilla M/F tryst in "Satan's" lair; a F/F and F/F/F scene in a 70s nightclub that proved to be the most titillating (no pun intended) of the five, perhaps because it left the smeared lipstick & mascara "ravaged" look of the prior two scenes behind; an utterly forgettable M/F fuck that started out interestingly enough (with the woman in bridle and prancing like a pony) and ended with the typical cum-on-the-tramp-stamp money shot; and the finale F/F sadism in which Go-Go is smacked around, shocked, and motor-skewered by a modest-sized dildo until our heroine arrives to "save" her by simply... well, showing up. As damsels in distress go, Princess Toadstool had more spunk. Go-Go is a quivering, whimpering pile of skin & bones that evoked no sympathy from this viewer beyond wanting to provide her with a blanket and a sandwich.

Piercings and tattoos abound. The women are all attractive, but far from perfect (which is a plus in my book). The men have impressive physiques, but I commented on their muscular legs & abs more often than their equipment. Satan, especially, was a hard-working stud who looked rather fine when beaded with sweat.

The film aims for artsy with non-traditional music, strange lighting, heavy anime influences, and funky camera angles, but hits the humorous mark more often. (I mean, how often do corn dogs appear in porn flicks? Seriously.) If you want something to wank to, look elsewhere. If you want a few belly laughs, some odd (but far from extreme, once you excuse the squid) fetish play, and extreme close-ups of P-V penetration (no P-A) that go on and on and yawn, look no further. This is your flick.

When all was said and done, my partner -- who is a serious DVD collector -- said, "Who can we give this to?" I suppose, someday, it could become a cult classic, but until then, it's simply a novelty item.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland, who graciously provided the DVD for review, has to say:

Man's Ruin is an adult DVD for the porn specialist who is looking for a multi-player, multi-level game that's easy to beat, and beat off to! OK, so it's not really a video game, but it sure plays like one! Man's Ruin is a cinematic super-charged world of sexual deviancy, fetishism, and perversions--with alt porn star Melodie Gore as a superstar hero on a mission laden with sexual obstacles like tattooed ladies, hard cocks, and bondage devices. From front to back, you'll find Man's Ruin a fully artistic and explicit kinky film, complete with medical play, all-girl threesomes, sex and submission, and high-end fetish domination. Get out your joysticks!

• Company: Vivid
• Released: 2007
• Length: 113 minutes
• Director: Winkytiki
• Noteworthy Stars: Stoya, Justine Joli, Claire Adams