Go Girl

Since I reviewed the P Style, another reusable tool to allow the dickless to pee standing up, I thought it only fair that I review this product for comparison. The P Style was functional (with practice). The Go Girl, however, puts it to shame. It is a clearly superior design and is a 100% no-leak win from the very first piss. Better than sliced bread. I kid you not!

It's soft and bendy, like a dick is 95% of the time (unless it's 14 years old, then that percentage drops to 50) and easy to aim.

It has an enclosed channel -- again, like a dick -- so no matter how hard and fast you pee, the raging river isn't gonna overflow its banks.

It's comfy against your body. No hard plastic edges to scratch delicate places.

And it's really quite fun. You totally could write your name in the snow with this bad boy... erm, girl.

I found it simplest to use with one foot resting on the toilet seat, which is fine if you're naked or wearing a skirt but a bit more problematic if you're in pants/shorts. It's not difficult to use with your britches around your ankles, mind you. It just takes a bit more effort to hit the bowl. Outdoors while hiking or camping or skiing? No problemo. Let 'er rip! (You'll want to stop, if skiing. Do not attempt to use Go Girl whilst zooming down the slopes or you'll have piss-cicles on your ski pants.)

Both are very easy to clean & reusable. Both are priced at $12. I think that's on the high side for the P Style, but fair for the Go Girl.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

If you've always wanted to pee standing up but your anatomy prevents it, the Go Girl is the STP (Stand to Pee) device for you. Soft, flexible silicone cups you comfortably, allowing you to pee freely and direct the stream where you want it to go. Of course, the silicone also makes for easy cleanup — just rinse/wipe it off, then boil it for disinfection later. And the pliable material allows you to fold/scrunch it up and stuff it in a bag or pocket for later. Great for gender transition, camping, public bathrooms, writing your name in the snow...

Smartballs Teneo

Some product reviews take a bit longer than others because there's so much testing to be done, and the Smartballs Teneo by Fun Factory is one of them.  Part sex toy, part health aid, these silicone puppies are designed to strengthen and tone a woman's pelvic floor -- her pubococcygeal (or PC, for short) muscle -- thereby enhancing sensation during sex (in addition to other health benefits such as preventing urinary incontinence).

They can be worn discreetly for exercise or stimulation, and they can be used during many types of sex play -- either solo or with a friend (or two or three). Unlike some Ben Wa balls I've explored, this product doesn't have that metallic, almost gong-like chime that can sometimes be heard *eep* through layers of clothing. Thus, if you go to that PTA meeting wearing the Smartballs Teneo Uno (single) or Duo (double), you're not going to potentially broadcast your secret to those near enough to hear it. I find the Uno delightful accompaniment while grocery shopping, for example.

I'm not all that fond of the Duo as an exercise device. It seems having that much bulk inside leaves no room for movement, and movement is key to exercise. Even the inner balls seem to move less. I just feel... full. Not stimulated.

Now, during masturbation, the Duo provides a very nice assist to clitoral stimulation. Unlike a dildo, it doesn't have to be held in place in order to provide that desired fullness. (If you need thrusting action, of course, you'll want to stick with the dildo.) Vibrations, thanks to those inner balls, carry well and provide more than adequate g-spot stimulation.

The product comes with a packet of water-based lube, and I recommend using it. The balls have the circumference of an above-average penis, and they can take some maneuvering to insert -- especially if you start while unaroused. Given their size, I was a wee bit concerned about removal, but the silicone "string" did just fine. (I had visions of it snapping like a rubber band, leaving the ball inside and a nasty sting outside. My worries were completely unfounded.) They're super easy to clean, too!

I gotta admit, the ridges on the outside did nothing for me, either during insertion or while inside.  In fact, they undoubtedly made insertion a bit more laborious. I suppose if you had really loose muscles, they might help keep the balls from sliding out when you didn't want them to, but I have a hard time imagining anything this big "accidentally" sliding out of anyone. Besides, the Smartballs Teneo doesn't have the weight of traditional Ben Wa balls, so I never really felt the pull of gravity in that way.

I recommend you give the Smartballs Teneo a try.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Good Vibrations has to say:

Similar in design to the original Smartballs, these new "smarter" balls have an ergonomic finger groove for easy insertion, a silicone string for ready removal and extra texture for increased sensitivity. Hailed as the modern Ben-Wa, these silicone coated spheres contain a ball bearing. When rolled, they produce a sensation often referred to as “natural” vibration. Their size and shape also make them great for G-Spot stimulation.

Smartballs are also excellent kegel exercisers. Fabulous for focus, they give the PC muscles a wonderful workout. Now available as either doubles or singles, you can take two or choose just one and use them both for fitness and fun! Each Smartball is 1 3/4” long, 1 1/2” in diameter. Assorted colored Silicone.

Floggers in Time Magazine?

You could've knocked me over with a feather when I saw the article. I guess sex toys have finally reached mainstream media, even if the hook was environmental.

Check it out. :-)

peace and passion,

~ Alessia

Seven Minutes in Heaven

“Reality porn is coming out of the closet in this first ever gonzo queer film.”

That's what the website says. I won't argue with the reality part, 'cause it doesn't appear there's much scripting, but gonzo? I wouldn't call it gonzo. Gonzo, to me, means there's nothing other than the sex of interest. This is more like documentary porn -- a la Comstock Films (but more hedonistic and minus the love). Each of the cast speaks to the camera for a few seconds, sharing their experiences or expectations. I truly enjoyed this aspect... and would've enjoyed it even more if I didn't have to struggle to hear what they were saying. (The sound, not to put too fine a point on it, sucked. And the soundtrack wasn't much better. Seems that sound -- other than the moaning and grunting -- isn't high on the priority list of production values for porn. Pity.)

Not quite sure where the title came from unless it's just an extension of the two party games (Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle) briefly played on screen. The subtitle "Coming Out" is also misleading. A couple of the women say it's their first experience with a woman and their first experience on camera. That's a cherry-popper, not a coming out.

The bodies aren't plastic or perfect, which is wonderful. Plastic/perfect is the main reason I just can't embrace traditional porn. It fucks with my feelings about my own body -- and I struggle with that quite enough with my clothes ON. I don't need it shoved in my face when I'm naked.

So, the sex scenes? They're... interesting. Some are kinda hot. Some, I suppose, would find certain elements kinky or transgressive. The orgasms appear to be genuine, too. Perhaps I'm jaded, but when you can sit in bed with your partner and watch other people having sex for almost 2 hours without it resulting in your own uncontrollable mattress aerobics... well, the sex you're watching is just not THAT hot. I mean, yeah,  it turned me on. And, yeah, we played... but after we finished watching, not during. Maybe that just makes me a conscientious reviewer. Ya think?

Bottom line: I don't regret the time I spent watching this film, but it's not one I'm likely to re-watch, either. As always, YMMV.

peace and passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Good Releasing has to say:

Reality porn is coming out of the closet in this first ever gonzo queer film. Award-winning director Courtney Trouble invites 7 diverse, fresh-faced performers to a kinky slumber-party for fun and games… only tonight there are no rules, no limits and no bedtime! The amateur cast picks their own partners, their own sex toys and their own ways of getting off. Spin the Bottle inspires an unscripted fuck-fest and first-time fantasies come true during a Truth or Dare strap-on sex scene. With honest video confessions, authentic orgasms and natural bodies, Seven Minutes in Heaven is the real queer deal.

P Style

When I saw this product listed for review, I pounced on it like a fat kid hits cake. Ladies, how many times have you stopped at a seedy-looking gas station with a near-bursting bladder only to discover a disgusting restroom? I mean, you don't even want to wash your hands in the sink much less put your sweet pink parts in the vicinity of the commode!

The package says...

Easy to use while clothed

Eliminates the need for T.P.

Reusable & simple to clean

Compact & easy to carry

And I'd agree with 62.5% of these claims. First, being the clean freak that I am, I don't think anything will ever eliminate the need to WIPE (and not merely with toilet tissue). I want to be in delightfully lickable condition 24/7. Don't you? The half-agreement is for the "easy to use while clothed" statement. It *IS* easy to use. However, "while clothed" is pushing it.

Yes, I believe it's entirely possible to develop a comfort & skill level with the P Style that would enable it to be used through one's open fly. I just don't see myself needing to use it often enough to achieve that level of proficiency. So, I drop trough.

I don't know about you, but I never mastered the whole squatting thing. By the time I relax enough to let things... um... flow, my thighs are trembling and a sheen of sweat is coating my brow. It's that level of proficiency thing again. I don't need to squat-and-pee often enough to become a pro.

As for the P Style, I tested it 3 times -- in 3 different situations -- before penning judgment. The first time, it took a loooooooooong time before I could relax enough to pee. Ever squatted behind a tree on a camping trip while mosquitos bit your ass waiting for your muscles to cooperate?  Same thing. It was the I-don't-want-to-piss-on-myself reflex. Once things started moving, it was a fascinating experience. Surreal, almost.

The second time, I'd had a couple drinks (as well as the previous confidence-building experience), and I got right to it. Um, too much so. Apparently, enthusiastic urination exceeds the capacity of its channel... and I gave too much too fast. Okay, messy lesson learned.

Third time's the charm. It was this trial that convinced me that utter proficiency is not only possible, but probable with semi-regular use. I think the P Style could be a wonderful gadget for many applications: camping, nasty public restrooms, physical impairments.  My P Style is going into the glove compartment of my car, and when I need it, I'm going to be damned glad it's there!

Until next time...

peace and passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Anyone who’d like to pee standing up (and that’s a whole lot of people!) will find the P Style useful. This compact and convenient “Stand To Pee” device, or STP, works perfectly for outdoor recreation and work, travel, folks with physical restrictions, female-to-male transsexuals, people who’ve had surgery that interferes with their ability to pee standing up, men with hypospadias… basically, anyone who wants to pee standing up, but whose anatomy or circumstance has kept them from doing so! It can be used through an open zipper with the user fully clothed, and the back edge can be used in place of toilet paper. Best of all, it’s made from nonporous hard plastic, so it’s easy to clean, completely reusable, and long-lasting. Color may vary.

• Size: 7-1/2” x 1-1/2” x 3/4"
• Material: Hard plastic
  

Just Leave a Comment to Enter

This fearless reviewer's toy drawer spilleth over, as you can see from an earlier post. Thus, I'm entering this contest for the Toys for Tarts' faithful (but heretofore lurking) readers. In other words, YOU! All of the products listed below are already in my toy drawer, and most have been reviewed here. So, if Toys for Tarts wins, I'll be giving them all away!

To play along & be eligible to win one of the fabulous wishlist products below or one of the weekly $25 Babeland gift cards, you just gotta leave a comment on this post. Tell me which wishlist product you'd like to have & why -- or which product you wish was included on the list & why. Be creative! Be naughty! I won't tell a soul.

Plus, if this blog gets the mostest comments, not only will Toys for Tarts receive a $125 gift card, but one of the lucky commenters will as well. Nothing to lose and all kinds of pleasure to gain!

So, without further ado, here is Toys for Tarts' $500 Babeland wishlist:

SaSi ($148)
It's a programmable tongue coupled with vibration. WIN-WIN!

Delight ($130)
Aptly named, but I call it Shamu. (Reviewed HERE.)

We-Vibe ($130)
Use it solo... or with a partner... or both.

Njoy Fun Wand ($88)
Stainless steel sex -- hot or cold, it's spectacular!

TOTAL: $496

GOOD LUCK & GOOD COMMENTING!

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

InfraRed Massager (CalEx)

Not exactly sure how to tell whether this Hitachi wannabe from California Exotic Novelties is truly infrared, or if it's just lit with LEDs behind a red plastic cover like my car's brake lights. But, really, until there's a solid reason to care, it doesn't matter. This is a nice product that does indeed give Hitachi's Magic Wand a run for its money.

The "InfraRed Electric Massager" has two speeds (high/low) which correspond to the inverse low/high heat. High heat is not all that hot, incidentally. Just noticeably warmer than low. One side of the bulbous head lights & heats, while the other hosts one of the 5 massage attachments. I tried each for actual massage of stiff/sore muscles, where they performed admirably, and I tried a couple of them for pleasure purposes. However, I much preferred the heated side over the attachments for stimulation of my sensitive pink parts.

The power cord is identical in length (6') to the Hitachi, which is the next best thing to cordless/rechargeable, and it's sized comparably. The vibration strength isn't quite as powerful as its famous cousin, but it gets the job done -- and it's a wee bit quieter.

So, all in all, I'd give this puppy two thumbs up. If it were significantly cheaper than a Hitachi, I'd be really impressed.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Lockable sex toy case (BMS Enterprises)

I have an underbed gun case -- big, metal drawer with a keyed lock -- that I use for my sex toys. It's about five feet long and two feet wide, six inches deep. See?

That's an old photo, too. It's much fuller now, and I don't even have all my favorite stuff in it. The "go to" toys are within arm's reach of my bed, in the top drawer of the nightstand (like my Hitachi) or even on its surface (like a couple bottles of lube and Shamu). That's all nice & handy for bedroom use. However, sometimes a perv needs to take her toys on the road.

I figured this lockable sex toy case from BMS Enterprises would be just the thing. I was wrong. Yeah, it's cute. (Purple sparkly butterflies ARE cute.) And it's discreet. It's also junk. The lock mechanism is clunky, and the hinges are weak. There is no key backup, so if you forget (or screw up) the combination, you're shit-outta-luck. Your sex toys could be *gasp* prisoners! Plus it's way smaller than it appears. My gun case looks much smaller in the photo than it actually is. The same is true for this product. Even though I clicked the "view actual size" link, I really didn't have a good grasp of the size until it arrived. You can see it below with my cell phone for scale:

Put a single hefty dildo & harness combination in here, and that's IT. Nothing else will fit. Although the lock doesn't function properly, I think my daughter will probably end up using this as a makeup or nail polish case. That's about all it's good for. If you want to haul your toys around, get something else.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

MIA

About twice the size of a standard lipstick, this little USB-rechargeable number is a delightfully discreet and surprisingly powerful multi-speed vibrator from LELO. It's attractively packaged, making it an ideal gift for a friend, and the pink model is currently on sale for less than half price ($29.99) at Babeland -- so you can grab one for yourself as well.

It looks like a big flash drive when charging on my laptop (rather than a pleasure tool). I counted four intensities of vibration, accessed by successively pressing the "+" pad, followed by three pulsing speeds. It's volume is about the same as a bullet vibe, but it has considerably more oomph (and none of those annoying button batteries). I can even charge it in my car 'cause I have one of those USB power converter gadgets.

I'm not typically a fan of small, clitoral vibrators -- preferring either (a) more powerful vibration a la Hitachi or (b) penetration a la Delight -- but the little MIA combines so many convenient features that I think it will remain in my purse for those need-to-come-now emergencies. :)

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

The manufacturer's site says:

MIA is a discreet pleasure object carefully designed to combine versatility and convenience, intended for private enjoyment at all times. This elegant lipstick vibrator nestles seductively in your handbag, her size and chargeability making her available whenever needed, whether on a long intercontinental flight or during a break on a busy day. Glossy and attractive, MIA's intuitive interface and four stimulation modes allow total control in the midst of ecstasy. She is rechargeable and a 2-hour charge provides up to 4 hours of bliss. Comes presented in an elegant gift box, accessorised with extension cord for USB charging, manual and a 1-year LELO warranty.

And here's what Babeland has to say:

Make room in your laptop bag for the Mia, a powerful lipstick-sized vibrator that can charge directly from your computer thanks to its USB extension. Mia holds a charge for four hours, making it one of the most travel-friendly toys we’ve seen. Mia’s proof that small scale doesn’t mean skimping on features, elegance, or performance. The faceted, lipstick-sized shell comes swathed in body-friendly silicone, making it a breeze to clean, and features four vibration modes to choose from. A USB extension cord is also included, so you can hide Mia discreetly while charging. Stash Mia in your bag, purse or pocket and pleasure is sure to follow wherever you go. Made by Lelo.

• Size: 4-2/5” x 4/5”
• Material: Silicone coated hard plastic
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Rechargeable

Shunga Secret Garden

Shunga Secret Garden is primarily billed as an arousal enhancer. It contains L-Arginine, which is a non-essential amino acid that is often used in combination with yohimbine to treat erectile dysfunction. L-Arginine is necessary for the synthesis of nitric oxide, a vasodilator and critical ingredient in pharmaceuticals such as Viagra. As for the other active ingredients, "Turnera aphrodisiaca" is another term for damiana, a common herbal aphrodisiac.

The flavor is listed as "undefined," but it's clearly peppermint with soapy undertones. (The scent is powerfully peppermint. I could smell it upon opening the box in which it was shipped.) The type is listed as "cream," but it's actually a clear gel liquid.

The product's URL places it in the "sex-lubricants/ arousal-lubes" category, but I wouldn't necessarily call it a lubricant. Yes, it's slippery, but internal use could be uncomfortable given the "mentha piperita" ingredient. In addition, it contains glycerin (a sugar alcohol) and, while it does not "feed the bacteria that form plaques and cause dental cavities," there are anecdotal reports of its association with yeast infections. Thus, I avoid internal use of products containing sweeteners of any kind.

External use, on the other hand, is quite delightful. While this product won't create arousal where none exists, it does indeed serve to enhance sensation. It's not overwhelmingly strong on your soft pink parts, as is the off-label use of, say, Perma Frost Schnapps. I think the "mentha piperita" (peppermint) would probably accomplish the same without the added damiana and amino acids, though -- kinda like Altoids, but slippery. YMMV.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Weatherproof (brand) USB Massager

It's kinda unfair to review a product when I can't find a link for its purchase, but *shrug* I picked up this little number on a whim at the Charm City Fetish Fair, and I gotta tell ya, it's a keeper. Two speeds (high & low), not too loud, plugs into computer's USB port. There are nubbies on the (curved) long underside as well as on the end, so it functions well with point-on-clit or nestled between the labia.

I wish I could find a link, 'cause I think this is full of win for cyberers.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Champion (DVD)

I haven't had much luck (I typed "lick" the first time. It's hardwired.) with DVDs reviewed here--the exception being Bill & Desiree, but that almost doesn't count 'cause the documentary-style Comstock Films are in a league of their own. Man's Ruin was too weird for words, and Annie Sprinkle... well, let's just say she must be an acquired taste.

I was hoping Champion would turn the tide. Instead, I'm afraid it just set the porn bar too high. There is a real plot in this 90-minute flick, though having read the storyline on the website prior to watching made it easier to grok 'cause the limited dialog sounded muffled. (A couple times, we backed up the DVD to listen again.) It's got the whole 3-act play story arc thing goin' on, and it's not badly acted. Take out the sex, and the film would be about 15 minutes long, so there's no need to worry about too little sex. Each sex scene (there are 5, and they are each distinctive) is fully-realized without excessive camera cuts. There is NO "cheesey outer layer" here. The actors give NO indication that they are performing for the cameras, which is absolutely wonderful.

I found the sex extremely hot for a variety of reasons, not least of which was the utter lack of misogyny found in the vast majority of porn. The bodies were all deliciously lean and toned (NOT stick figures or enormous-breasted "bimbo" types) in a way that says, "I respect myself." Win! However, from a casting perspective, the characters of Violet, Jessie, and Cathy were almost too similar in stature, hair, and tone. Fortunately, it's a look that appeals to me-- especially the impish features of Jiz Lee.

The lack of gender conformity in most of the cast was a bit off-putting to my partner, but I found it refreshing and honest. The visual is not a turn on... but it's not a turn off, either. If that makes any sense. (Whereas the over-the-top airbrushed silicone-enhanced centerfold types do nothing but make me angry at myself for feeling wrinkled and fat and... inferior. Bleh. Get that shit out of my face. It is NOT a turn on.) The integrity IS a turn on. Being yourself in the midst of pressure to conform is huge for me, and something that requires courage and determination.

The drum score added to the tension and its resolution, rather than providing lame techno accompaniment, and it didn't drown out the genuine-sounding vocalizations of the actors. There was never an obviously-faked orgasm, and without a biological penis on the set, no obligatory money shots. Huzzah! The dick was not missed, believe me. Syd Blakovich can drive a strap as well as (or better) than any I've ever seen--and look as sleek and toned as a panther while doing it.

The film was exceptionally well-directed (by Shine Louise Houston) and edited. The fact that the sex scenes ran a little long by conventional, instant-gratification standards only served to make them feel more genuine and satisfying.

Two thumbs up for Champion!

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

For porn that is so much more than just porn, get knocked out by the adult DVD Champion, award-winning director Shine Louise Houston’s latest masterpiece. Don’t get us wrong, this film features plenty of scorching-hot queer sex, but it’s also got a strong, captivating plot. Hotshot martial artist Jessie Easton is training for the fight of her career, yet she’s haunted by past love and current, undeniable attraction to her opponent, Violet Vahn. Throw in some conflict with corrupt nemesis Bobby Malone, and you’ve got an intensely erotic and masterful crossover film. Whether Jessie wins or loses the fight, you’ll be squirming in more ways than one. Please refer to our return policy for this product.

• Released: 2008
• Length: 90 minutes
• Director: Shine Louise Houston
• Noteworthy Stars: Syd Blakovich, Madison Young, Jiz Lee, Dylan Ryan

SheaFlex70

This post is part product review and part public service announcement. Toys for Tarts does not have a vested (affiliate) interest in this product.

I am a 46-year-old woman with a history of fibromyalgia, depression, and insulin resistance. While my health issues are under control (at times, I believe, tenuously so), I still experience joint pain -- especially when I (over) indulge in the activities I like the most: rowdy sex, taekwondo, hiking, etc.

While in the throes of the worst of my pain-obesity-insomnia-depression cycle, I abused NSAIDs. I would put eight 200mg ibuprofen on my nightstand, pop them when the alarm rang in the morning, then hit the snooze for 20 minutes until they enabled me to get out of bed through the pain. Throughout the day, depending on how many times I would have to lift my children, I'd take up to another dozen tablets. I was afraid to carry my son up or down the stairs for fear that my knees would buckle and I'd drop him. Given that I was lugging around an extra 100# on my own frame, another 20-30 in toddler really made a difference. I took enough NSAIDs over a period of 3-4 years to experience "rebound" inflammation, which makes the pain even worse.

I'm rambling. Sorry. My point is that, due to my history/experience, I'm hesitant to take any drugs these days. I have to HURT before I'll resort to a single tablet. I feel the twinges of despair every time I have an ache that lasts longer than a few hours because I know what chronic pain does to my physical and emotional well-being.

So, when my knees and shoulder started bothering me, I tried the common supplement glucosamine chondroitin. Many people swear by it, but it did nothing for me. I chanced upon a new product while searching online for shea butter products -- skin emollients (another of my fetishes).

This product is a supplement for joint health called SheaFlex70. It is only available via the Walgreen's drugstore chain and online order. It is not cheap. But I was just desperate enough to give it a try. With a $10 off coupon**, I got a month's supply for $30.

Can I just say WOW? I noticed an improvement in the general achey-ness after just 3 days of per-label use. Within a month, the stiffness was GONE. I've since cut back to 1/3 of the dose for maintenance, so the $30 bottle now lasts me 90 days. If I have a particularly strenuous workout, I may re-up the dose for a couple days to keep the inflammation at bay.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS PRODUCT FOR JOINT PAIN SUFFERERS!

Here's what the website says...

SheaFlex70’s patented active ingredient, shea triterpenes, is found within the pit of the fruit of the shea tree, Africa’s “Tree of Life.” SheaFlex70 is the only product available with shea triterpenes, considered nature’s most powerful inflammation fighter.* Shea triterpenes have been proven not only to reduce joint-specific inflammation but also to support Type II collagen, the primary element of the 70% of cartilage that provides structure and smoothness to your joints.*

• SheaFlex70 dramatically helps relieve joint discomfort and joint-specific inflammation.* When you reduce pain and swelling in the joints, you lay the foundation for getting your body back into balance.
• SheaFlex70 helps safely reduce the breakdown of the joints’ most abundant collagen, Type II collagen.* Collagen makes up 70% of joint cartilage, which keeps the bones in a joint from rubbing together.

If you give it a try, please leave a comment & let me know how it works for you!

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

**Use this code when you buy online and save $10: MMSHEAFLEX

Sliquid Organics Silk

"Organic" things intrigue me. I don't quite understand them--or their allure--but I admit a fascination with the concept. I mean, the dictionary defines organic as "characteristic of, pertaining to, or derived from living organisms." That covers a whole lotta territory, especially if one includes carbon composites -- which, in order to contain dimethicone (a common silicone lubricant) one must. So, organic simply means it was made from living or once-living stuff. Well, that's damned near everything on Earth now, isn't it?

But, be that as it may, organic has never been a selling point for me -- simply because it's such slippery word (which one might consider a good selling point for a lube -- but I digress).

This product is thick and creamy, in both texture and appearance. It's not clear, as are most lubes these days. It looks like jizm, really. It doesn't drip like jizm, though. Stays put in a tidy little dollop. And it has no scent what.so.ever.

I thought it had a very faint soapy aftertaste. My partner said it reminded him of sunscreen. We're both probably noticing the taste of the aloe, which is a major (#3) ingredient.

As a lubricant, it worked just fine with The Boss. It's non-staining, water-based, and water-soluble, so I didn't have to worry about if or where it went. And, since I tested solo, I didn't have to bother my pretty little head about that pesky aftertaste. I wouldn't reach for this product if oral sex was on the menu, though. It's not baaaaaaaad, mind you. Hell, I've tasted more soap on people who haven't, perhaps, rinsed thoroughly. The action still happens, but there's an unnecessary distraction. Y'know? Why introduce distractions?

If it matters to you, the label says the ingredients are Vegan (yes, with a capital V) and most (but not all) of them have a little asterisks indicating they're "certified organic."

The label also says it's hypoallergenic, which is another one of those slippery words. It means, "No one's allergic to this... unless they are." Anytime you have organic ingredients, there is the potential for allergic reaction. Period.

So, given that most of the product's claims are not all that important to me, I still give it a positive review on form, function, and (lack of) friction. If "organic" and "Vegan" (with a capital V) and "hypoallergenic" are important to you, then you might want to give it a try!

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Go green (without sacrificing silkiness and staying power) with Sliquid Organics Silk lubricant. This water-based lube contains 12% hypoallergenic silicone for a creamy texture that lasts and lasts, making Sliquid Organics Silk a great choice for delicate, sensitive tissues. The earth- and body-friendly formula also contains organic extracts like soothing aloe vera, healing vitamin E, and invigorating green tea and hibiscus. The texture is similar to the standard Sliquid Silk. As always, Sliquid lubes are glycerin-free and paraben-free. And once you’ve made your way through the bottle, it’s 100% recyclable. Not for use with silicone toys.

• Size: 4-1/5 ounces, 8-1/2 ounces
• Formula Base: Water, silicone
• Ingredients: Purified Water, Plant Cellulose (from Cotton), Aloe Barbadensis*, Natural Tocopherols (Vitamin E), Extracts of Hibiscus*, Flax*, Green Tea* & Sunflower Seed*, Isopropyl Palmitate, Polysorbate 20, Dimethicone, Emollient Ester, Phenoxyethanol (Rose Ether)

*Organic botanical extracts are independently certified by Quality Certification Services in compliance with the USDA National Organic Program.

The Boss

The Boss was awaiting my return from the Romantic Times BookLovers Convention in Orlando. Great, I thought! A Fun Factory exclusive from Babeland. An orgasmic win-win!

The first thing I noticed was that it was packaged in a Babeland box with ZERO instructions on how to open the battery compartment and insert the AA batteries. Fail. I had to go to the Fun Factory website, find a similar product, and download its PDF user guide in order to figure it out -- because it is NOT obvious. For a high-end ($58) product, that's damned near unforgivable.

I got over that annoyance and moved on to the fun part...

Given its girth, I tested this toy along with Sliquid Organics Silk (reviewed separately).

The Boss I received is black & grey, not the (seemingly) requisite sex-toy-purple. It's a bit longer AND girthier than I gathered from the photos. Perhaps a visual is in order. See how it stacks up to my Hitachi? The Boss is a big pleasure puppy. I've known guys this big, but they're few & far between (and quite often lousy lovers, thinking their impressive equipment is all they need to please a partner). It's heavy, too. The shaft is silicone and somewhat floppy--kinda like an 80% erection. It'll go in without bending, but there's more flexibility there than with a raging boner.

The end cap is rigid with a knob that turns to adjust the strength of the vibration. It's not easy to manipulate when slippery-wet, but it's not likely to be changed unintentionally, either. Even at its highest setting, the vibration is nothing to write home about, but coupled with the aforementioned girthiness, it gets the job done in relatively short order.

As a g-spot toy, I didn't appreciate it. I found that I enjoyed The Boss externally as much as, perhaps more than, inserted. The vibrations, while strongest at the base of the shaft, are well conducted throughout its length. Thus, I was able to stimulate myself from bow to stern without even moving the toy. It wasn't easy to grip this way, especially when lubed, but movement wasn't absolutely necessary to be effective.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Let Babeland be The Boss, with our exclusive new Fun Factory vibrator. This is the G-spot vibrator we have always dreamed of letting take control! Finally a realistically-shaped silicone insertable vibrator with a strong, localized internal buzz. We wanted The Boss to be hefty (check), soft silicone (yep), and with a sweet tilt just right for the G-spot (it is!). Add in the shower-friendly splashproof shell and vibrant Fun Factory colors, and you’ve got a toy which will put you in your place and show you who's The Boss, every time! Color may vary. Available only at Babeland!

• Size: 8-3/4” x 1-3/5”
• Material: Silicone
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Two AA

ID Moments

To counterbalance to yesterday's unfavorable lube review, we have ID Moments. As lubricants go, this one's a clear winner! It's taken a place of honor on the nightstand next to the O'My (Cherry) and the K-Y Touch Massage Warming.

It's colorless, water-based/water-soluble, glycerin & paraben-free, latex compatible, and sweetened only with sucralose. Yay! Like most water-based lubes, it's on the thinnish side. Reapplication is likely to be needed for extended play. That's its only drawback, and it's a minor one.

Although it's not labeled as having any particular scent or flavor, to both me & my partner, it smelled lightly (and quite pleasantly) of green apples and was as close to tasteless as any lube I've ever tried. That's a big plus in my book. I don't want a product to be a turn off on the tongue.

Two thumbs up for ID Moments!

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Probe Thick & Rich

I'm always interested in selling points for lubricants, how they're marketed. I mean, do they boast scent or no scent, flavor or no flavor, silicone, water-soluble, organic, "all natural" (whatever THAT means), with or without glycerin, etc.?

So this product's claim to be "laboratory formulated to mimic the body's own lubrication" intrigued me. Do I want that? Really? Does anyone? I mean, my body's own lubrication--while certainly slippery and delightful in its own way--is not anywhere near as durable as what comes out of a bottle. Granted, it's self-replenishing (if all is going well, anyway), but if limited to one application, it would not hold up nearly as well as the supplementary stuff.

Probe Thick & Rich also claims to use grapefruit seed extract as its preservative. I assume that's geared toward those who are skittish about all those multisyllabic chemical preservatives. Okay, I can understand that. The fewer multisyllabic chemicals, the better.

This product is water-based/water-soluble and latex compatible. It felt a bit thin/runny to me. Strike one. When you squirt it on something--be it a body part or a toy--you'd like it to stay put long enough to get the gooey goodness where it needs to go.

So, my dear partner and I proceeded to put it through its preliminary paces: apply to skin (back of hands), smear around, smell, taste. I was pleased to discover that it is as odorless and tasteless as any lube I've ever sampled. So far, so good. I really don't want products that interfere with oral sex. I'd rather taste the person, y'know?

Label says glycerin is an ingredient, so I won't try it vaginally. No sugars go inside. Why invite infection, eh? Strike two.

I squirted a big dollop into my palm and rubbed my hands together, preparing to do a little massage. When I pulled my hands apart, the lube stretched in hundreds of tiny strings between my palms. Yuck! It was like spider webs. No way in hell was I was putting THAT on my pink parts. STRIKE THREE!!!

This product went straight to the trash. Use at your own risk. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Bloomy

I typically adore Fun Factory products. They're funky, irreverent, yet serious in their intent to deliver pleasure. And they're 100% silicone, which makes cleanup simpler. So, it was with great anticipation that I requested Bloomy to review.

As a butt toy, which is how Bloomy is primarily marketed, this product fulfills its mission admirably. It's not too big and not too small. It's not too smooth and not too bumpy. It's not too rigid and not too floppy for the butt. Its "tongue" provides perfectly placed perineal stimulation, especially with a bit of lubricant (natural or otherwise). And it's got an ideal finger-ring handle for solo play or for the convenience of a partner who multi-tasks (as all good partners should).

Bloomy can also be used vaginally. (As always, sterilize toys before and after use -- especially when previously used anally. Silicone can be boiled, bleached, or put in the dishwasher. Hibiclens is another option. Can't be TOO careful. Use a condom over toys when shared or when in doubt of their cleanliness.) Bloomy is a bit too floppy for my tastes as a vaginal toy, but it does connect well with both g-spot and clitoris, and its smooth surface feels quite yummy. Some foks add an egg vibrator in the finger ring (which is too big for a standard bullet), but that does remove the functionality of the ring as a grip. I didn't care for that approach vaginally or anally.

My recommendation? Buy Bloomy for your anal arsenal. If it happens to also trip your (or your partner's) pussy triggers, all the better.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

The only thing better than a beautiful sex toy is a beautiful sex toy with multiple functions, and the Bloomy leads the pack in both categories. Pliable, body-friendly silicone loops and swirls into a delicate bloom shape that’s perfect for G-spot or prostate stimulation. Try it as a dildo, a PC muscle exerciser, or a butt plug... it might even do the grocery shopping if you’re nice to it. Seriously, we’re head-over-heels for this versatile, gorgeously designed toy from Fun Factory.

• Size: 3-1/4” x 1-1/3”
• Material: Silicone

Waaaaay better than Altoids!

Sensation play. Nooner. Word.

Sex Casino

It's Las Vegas in your bedroom!

With one die bearing a noun (body part) and the other a verb (lick, suck, tickle, etc.), every roll of the dice results in pleasure. Spin the dial for some erotic instructions. Play strip pok-her. Let the chips fall where they may! The possibilities are endless.

I took this set of suggestive Sex Casino games with me to a recent gathering of hedonists and, while we didn't play any of the suggested variations, we did have a helluva good time creating new ones.

Great for an uninhibited party or an intimate soiree, I bet (*poke* Bet. Get it?) you'll never get tired of the many ways to cash in on this game.

Until next time...

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

Here's what Babeland has to say:

Spin, bet, roll and romp your way to a scorching good time with Sex Casino adult game. Sex Casino includes everything you need to turn your bedroom into a pleasure mecca: playing cards with sexual favor betting chips, naughty dice, scratch-and-win sex lotto cards, a sexy spinner game, and a manual that describes 25 provocative games. Remember: you can’t win if you don’t play! And the best part is that whether you win or lose, you’re definitely going to get lucky. Makes a perfect gift for your favorite bachelor, bachelorette, or friend, or bring it home for a weekend-long date at home with your partner.