Clitoral Kiss Creme

One of the most delightful things about this blog is the opportunity to field test complementary products, so when the USPS delivered a small tube of Clitoral Kiss Creme this afternoon, I felt obligated to drop everything else and test it immediately. (I'm just so responsible, aren't I?) The website makes the following claims:

New Femme Arousal Creme in a Fabulous Berries and Cream Scent!
Clitoral Kiss Creme increases clitoral sensitivity to bring a whole new level of enjoyment and excitement. The label and bottle allow for extreme discretion...let everyone think its your latest hand creme! Apply as needed and let the intense warmth take you away immediately. Safe for oral sex and condom use. All natural, contains no hormones. Made with Arginine HLC, Amazon and American Ginseng. Arginine dilates and engorges the blood vessels in the clitoris, facilitating genital responsiveness. 2.0 Fl Oz. Bottle.

Well, the scent is fine, but you do NOT want to be using this product for oral sex. Ptui! It might be "safe" for oral sex, but that doesn't mean it tastes good. I wouldn't exactly classify the warmth as "intense" or "immediate," either. That being said, it did grow in both warmth and intensity as my ... um ... research proceeded, and it definitely contributed to the speed with which that research was spectacularly concluded.

I don't think it would stimulate arousal from a non-aroused state moreso than any other lubricant, natural or otherwise, but I can't test that theory because ... well ... ya gotta be at a full stop before you can gauge acceleration from a full stop, y'know what I mean?

So, in a nutshell, the product does produce a pleasurable effect, but it does leave a lot to be desired. Personally, I don't want to be putting any bad-tasting cream "down there" if there's even the remotest possibility that a tongue might find its way there later in the evening. Solo play? Sure. Partner play? Only if a shower is next on the agenda.

* This product graciously provided for review by Xandria

Waterproof Double Penetrator

A Toys for Tarts guest review:

Wow. And likewise yum. This lovely toy is my new favorite. The batteries pop right in, and then the cap locks down, which has the advantage of keeping water out of the battery compartment and also prevents a sudden loss of power if the user twists the cap a little too hard. The jelly covering is softish, but the vibe itself is rigid enough to be inserted without the gyrations needed with the Scorpion.

The circumference on this toy is perfect—the vaginal arm is big enough to make this user feel full and a bit stretched, but not so big as to be painful. The anal probe is perfectly sized as well.The veins are raised enough to be palpable and add a wonderful sensation when thrusting. The speeds range from a gentle caress to “oh god ohgod ohgod DAMN” with a slight twist of the cap. The motor’s placement towards the top of the vaginal shaft makes deep thrusting an exquisite pleasure.

So far, the Double Penetrator has proven to be as waterproof as it claims to be. After five or six uses in the shower or the tub, it shows no sign of water in the battery compartment. All in all, this is a wonderful toy for solo or couple play.

Overall, this toy is a definite YES, and even better, it’s on sale right now.

* This toy graciously provided for review by Xandria

Ring of Xtasy

Cock rings always look so much bigger in pictures, and this one is no exception. With your garden-variety bullet-toting cock ring, quality is gauged in two ways: (a) vibration, and (b) fit. Unfortunately, this particular product gets a B- on both prongs of the quality test. It's a decent enough toy, but the bullet vibe isn't very powerful & it burned through a set of batteries in one session. (Okay, granted I was riding it for a while, but even so ...)

From my perspective, the only enhancement provided by the toy was the hardness of the bullet sandwiched between my partner and me. It was nice to grind against. My partner reported no enhancement (beyond the enjoyment of watching me do said grinding *wink*).

The blurb says:

Made of super stretch silicone this heart-shaped ring is soft with a snug and comfortable fit. The mega powered bullet sends the bunny ears into strong rapid motion for steady clitoral stimulation. Easy on/off push button for the bullet. Embedded hearts on the ring aid in providing friction and labial stimulation. Requires 2 button cell batteries - 2 sets are included.

Soft, yes. Comfortable, yes. Snug, no. "Mega powered," no. Easy on/off, yes. The "embedded hearts" (i.e., little bumps) didn't add to the friction that I could discern.

This is, unfortunately, a product that will most likely spend the rest of its life in the bottom of my toy bag.

* This toy graciously provided for review by Xandria

Scorpion

A Toys for Tarts guest review:

At first glance, the most noticeable facet of the Scorpion vibe is the contrast between the sparkly purple body and the bright blue heads on the double prongs. At a closer look, it’s possible to tell on sight and even better, by touch, that the bright blue heads are fairly realistic in shape. Straight out of the box, this jelly toy does have the familiar, slightly plastic-y scent and tacky texture, but both disappear after a wash or two.

It would have been easier to install the batteries with a diagram, as the battery compartment isn’t very clearly marked for where to put the two AAs required. However, once the batteries are inserted, the cap of the battery compartment locks into place, making it less likely that the user will twist the cap too far and empty the batteries out on the bed while in search of a faster speed.

One difficulty with the Scorpion is the lack of rigidity, a problem typical for jelly toys. The very flexibility of the toy makes self-insertion a tricky process, requiring some limberness and dexterity. It is not a great toy for spur of the moment orgasms, but rather one for slow, lingering use or adventurous couple's play.

Once in, though, the toy provides a nice combination of multiple stimulations. The rounded balls along the vaginal prong massage inside, while the head is positioned very nicely for G-spot stimulation. The smaller, slimmer anal wand is curved in, and its rounded head provides a nice feeling of fullness. The multi-speed vibrations range from a teasing tickle to a serious throbbing, and while the motor seems loud at first, it’s muffled fairly well when the toy is fully inserted. There’s a nice four-inch shaft left outside, which can be used as a handle for thrusting, swiveling or bouncing, any of which can greatly enhance the experience.

Having gotten all too used to weekend quickie orgasms in bed or the shower, slowing down and spending some time with the Scorpion was a very nice change for me. I’d recommend trying it.

* This toy graciously provided for review by Xandria

Black Fireman's Penis Pump

The term "penis pump" to me is always either an enlarger or a milker, like a breast pump idea. Now granted, every guy wants a little more. I'm quite fond of my cock, and from what I have been told, it's a rather nice one: not too big to cause lock jaw; not so small as to be deficient for duty. So looking for an enlarger is just not on my horizon, but if another inch or so could be had, I'm not complaining. Unfortuantely, this pump just doesn't make that much of a difference. I work the pump, create the vacuum feel my john thomas swell and engorge, but an hour later I'm back to my pre-pump size. Unless there is a several month long cumulative effect, it's just not much good other than for a short term boost and acheyness.

As a milker... well, that's fun now and then -- when I've had a drought and need to get all I have been storing up out in one fell swoop. The pump does make a decent suction -- not great, but decent. With some work you can get a nice ball cleaning squirt, not an earth shaking orgasm as the tactile sensations are missing, but it does pull more than the usual stroke and squeeze jack-off technique.

On the whole, not a great toy, but if you get one as a gift, don't toss it aside either.

* This toy graciously provided for review by Xandria

Jesse's Vibro Toy

I opened the package and thought, "It's a glorified bullet vibe." And technically, it is just that. It has that high-pitched beehive type vibration which is standard for bullet vibes. Y'know, the type that takes next to FOREVER to get you off? Unlike other bullets, however, this one has a tongue. It's a niiiiiiiice tongue, too!

Until I experienced this toy, I had relegated bullet vibes to the "supplementary" category. In other words, an enjoyable (non-threatening) add-on for partner play, but not "front line" orgasmic material (like a Hitachi Magic Wand or a jackrabbit-style vibe).

Jesse's Vibro Toy is made by California Exotic Novelties. It's a small (3") rigid plastic waterproof "micro massager" with a removable jelly sleeve. Takes 3 button sized batteries. Six are included. (A nice touch!) I preferred using it with the sleeve on ('cause, again, that tongue is quite nice).

Toys for Tarts found a WIDE range of prices for this product online -- anywhere from $19.00 all the way up to $44.95 -- so shop around. (Clicking on the picture will take you to the store with the lowest price that we found.) I'd pay up to $25 for this toy, but not a penny more -- especially since rechargeable button batteries aren't available.

* This toy graciously provided for review by Xandria